HELP We seem to be going backwards

mikeyco · February 2012

My daughter just turned 4 and is healthy and no devolpmental issues. However, we seem to be back sliding with a lot of stuff. We think it all started with Grandma becoming very sick and in the hospital for over a month. My wife was spending a lot of time at the hospital and at her mom's house when she got out of the hospital. This was last October and things started getting back to normal in late November. Ok so back to my daughter.

She started preschool in September. She was very excited and with the exception of first day nervousness no problems and looked forward to going back. This lasted until mid October when she started having upset stomachs and needing the restroom constantly while at school. This increased to being upset and not wanting to go to school. Over a few weeks it kept getting worse to the point she would not stay unless one of the teachers sat with her every minute. So we had to remove her, hoping next fall, being a little older will help.

This same problem started occuring in dance class. She had been doing dance for over a year without issue. Same thing as with the preschool started happening. First she was happy if sister would sit near her then it got to the point that unless someone was right next to her or holding her she would not even sit with her dance friends. Again it got so bad that we could not even get her to go in the class so we had to take her out of dance class.

Bedtime...She had been sleeping in her own bed for a year without issues. She even moved from our bed to her own without issue. That has followed the same patteren as preschool and dance. Now she throws fits if she cannot come in bed with us. We cannot let her continue the fit or CIO because her sister is across the hall and has school the next day. Again as with the preschool and dance it started about the same time and has increased since then.

The latest...The last few nights, sleeping with us she has been waking up throwing a tantrum. We ask if she needs the bathroom, drink, or if something hurts with a "no" every time if she will even give us answer. We have tried making her get up and go to the bathroom and that just makes things worse. Each night the tantrums seem to get worse. Last night it occurred 3 or 4 times. I asked her this morning about it and she doesn't even remember anything about it.

we are going to try and get her back in her bed this weekend. we got her a "big" girl bed since she had just about outgrown her toddler bed. So hopefully that will go well but we are at a loss for the other issues, pre-school, dance, and the night tantrums. Dance class makes me worry since she loves it and had been doing it for so long without issue.

Has anyone had similar issues or any thoughts? At this point we are willing to try almost anything. I am a stay at home dad but will be going back to work soon and I am very worried about daycare with all the stuff that has been happening with her.

AZ123 · February 2012

The first part of your post made it sound like she was having some sort of anxiety and wanting someone to sit with her and hold hands but the when you wrote about the bed, it makes me thinks you guys are letting her rule the roost too much. At 4 she should be long our of a toddler bed and into her own bed and not yours. She should be doing things on her own and throwing tantrums is baby stuff. What I'm saying is start treating her like she's older than she is and not he baby of the family. Be firm with her and start taking away a favorite toy or tv or something if she doesn't do as asked. The anxiety can happen too, as I once read, from confusion of who is in control. At 2. 3 and 4 they think they want to be in control but don't have the maturity and if you give into it, you make it worse.

salesmom · February 2012

Agree with PP. The first part seems like she is going through some anxiety issues. Talk to your pediatrician about it.

As far as waking up throwing a fit - sounds a lot like night terrors. Trying to wake them up or console them just makes it way worse. My DD suffers from this. She is 4 1/2 and just starting to grow out of it. All we can do is watch her and make sure she doesn't flail out of bed or hurt herself. My pediatrician said this: If they can remember it in the morning, its a nightmare. If the Parents remember it in the morning and the child can't, then its a night terror.

Good luck!!

KatFCo · February 2012

AZ123:
At 4 she should be long our of a toddler bed and into her own bed and not yours.

Not sure if PP is saying she needs to move to a bigger bed, but our 4 yo is still in a toddler bed (convertible crib) and still fits. As long as she fits, she doesn't need to change.

As to sleeping in your bed, it could still be related to anxiety. Our daughter will go through bouts of wanting to sleep in our bed. I make her start the night in her bed, but sometimes let her come in in the middle of the night. After a few nights, I start insisting she stay in her bed. The way I see it, she doesn't like sleeping alone any more than DH and I do, so we give her a small bit of comfort but still insist she mostly stay in her own room.

Does she have any favorite toys she can cuddle at night? Maybe let her have more than one in bed.

The tantrums, if she's waking up in an instant tantrum, that is likely night terrors, like PP said.

mikeyco · February 2012

AZ123...Thanks for the response. There is some level of her ruling the roost and we are working on that.

mikeyco · February 2012

@ Salesmom...Hi, Thanks for the reply. We actually just had an appointment the other day for her yearly check-up. Dr. is thinking that everything that was going on with grandma triggered it and she is worrying that Mom is not going to be around again. That stuff does seem to be centered more towards mom than me but I am also here all day with her.

The night time stuff just started that night after the Dr.'s visit so didn't have a chance to talk about it. I never thought of night terrors, figured she was to old for that. But what you say sounds just like it. Last night was more of the same but was having tummy issues and more tantrum because she didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom. After making her go the first time realizing she would feel better resolved that.

mikeyco · February 2012

KatFCo:
As to sleeping in your bed, it could still be related to anxiety. Our daughter will go through bouts of wanting to sleep in our bed. I make her start the night in her bed, but sometimes let her come in in the middle of the night. After a few nights, I start insisting she stay in her bed. The way I see it, she doesn't like sleeping alone any more than DH and I do, so we give her a small bit of comfort but still insist she mostly stay in her own room.

Does she have any favorite toys she can cuddle at night? Maybe let her have more than one in bed.

My 9 y/o daughter has a lot of anxiety so we try to be careful with disrupting her sleep. Until the last year or so she has had issues sleeping on her own so we are always nervous about her backsliding. However, I think we will keep trying, possibly try what you do with the little one then for spring break push a little harder when we don't have to worry about school. Now that she has her bigger bed we will try letting her sleep with more than one. She does have a few things that she likes to trade off on so maybe try a "sleepover" with all of them.

Thank You

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