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Watching other people's kids - WWYD

kiley&mattkiley&matt
in Single Parents

Since I'm a single mama to an almost 1 year old boy, I sit home pretty much every night by myself, which I don't mind too much, because I love my son more than anything.  Lately, though, my other single parent friends have decided that because I'm always home at night, that it's okay to ask me to babysit for their kids EVERY WEEKEND and often during the week, too, so that they can go out.  I don't mind doing it once in awhile, but sometimes I'd like to just have an evening to myself on a weekend without other people's kids.  If I tell them no, not tonight, they want to know why I can't since I'm going to be sitting home anyway. 

I've tried to talk to a few of them about this, and they always reply that they will watch Liam anytime I want.  The problem with this is that they seem to always have plans, so any night that I decide that I'd like to go do something, they're already doing something and can't watch him.  What would you do in this situation?  I don't mind not being able to go out every weekend like they do, but I'm starting to feel bad for their kids, and I definitely don't want this to become a routine.

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Re: Watching other people's kids - WWYD

  • tstaggs2012tstaggs2012
    Bring it up how they always have plans when you need a sitter and that you have a life outside of watching their kids every weekend. Sometimes you want to spend time with your child just by yourself. I have a lady who ALWAYS wants me to babysit and promises to pay me but never does.. And she only gets in contact with me to sit.. So I started ignoring the calls. They should understand that you don't want to watch them all the time. Have you brought up to them that they're losing time with their little ones?
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  • DHYGchica3DHYGchica3
    You shouldn't have to come up with an excuse. It's none of their business if you just want a quiet night. I would just let them know that while you might seem to not have plans, it doesn't mean you don't want to have quality time with your LO.
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  • mdotm0904mdotm0904 member

    No.

    It's a whole sentence. You don't have to justify anything. If they can't accept a "I'm sorry, I can't do it tonight." then oh well, they're the one who needs a sitter not you. And any friend who will constantly dump their kid on you just so that they can go have a life, is not a true friend.

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  • pollingpolling

    Are they paying you? 

    You don't owe them an explanation of why you are unable to sit, even if you are at home.  But if they are NOT paying you for your sevice, they NEED TO START. 

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  • achase123achase123
    imagemdotm0904:

    No.

    It's a whole sentence. You don't have to justify anything. If they can't accept a "I'm sorry, I can't do it tonight." then oh well, they're the one who needs a sitter not you. And any friend who will constantly dump their kid on you just so that they can go have a life, is not a true friend.

    This.

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  • kiley&mattkiley&matt
    No, they aren't paying me.  But since my son and I are staying with one of the friends currently, I feel obligated to babysit their kids because they're letting me stay here pretty much for free until I'm able to get a place.  I just feel bad saying no when they've done so much for me.  And then, because I'm sitting here with my son and their kids anyway, then other friends feel like I might as well watch their kids, too, so that they don't just have to sit home.  Sometimes I'll end up with five or six kids here.  It wouldn't be that big of a deal if it was just for a few hours, but they'll usually be gone all night and then I'll have to feed their kids breakfast on my dime and keep an eye on them until their parents finally show up at 10 or 11 am after they've gotten to sleep in.  One day, it was after 1 in the afternoon before they showed up.  I just feel taken advantage of, but I realize that they are giving DS and I a place to live in return, so maybe I'm overreacting.
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  • pollingpolling

    imagekiley&matt:
    No, they aren't paying me.  But since my son and I are staying with one of the friends currently, I feel obligated to babysit their kids because they're letting me stay here pretty much for free until I'm able to get a place.  I just feel bad saying no when they've done so much for me.  And then, because I'm sitting here with my son and their kids anyway, then other friends feel like I might as well watch their kids, too, so that they don't just have to sit home.  Sometimes I'll end up with five or six kids here.  It wouldn't be that big of a deal if it was just for a few hours, but they'll usually be gone all night and then I'll have to feed their kids breakfast on my dime and keep an eye on them until their parents finally show up at 10 or 11 am after they've gotten to sleep in.  One day, it was after 1 in the afternoon before they showed up.  I just feel taken advantage of, but I realize that they are giving DS and I a place to live in return, so maybe I'm overreacting.

    This is unacceptable.  I can understand (to a point) watching the children who live in the home an evening here and there but to take in other people's kids OVERNIGHT without compensation -- uh uh.  No way.

    How much longer do you expect to be living there?  You should have a frank conversation about that with your friends and go over expectations, etc.  Not talking about it will eventually blow up in your face.

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  • kiley&mattkiley&matt
    Thanks for the advice and opinions. I am hoping to only be here for another month or so, and now that I have a job and will be getting child support in a few weeks, I should be able to start looking for places.  Once I move out, I won't feel as bad saying no, and I'm sure they won't ask as much when I'm not living here.  I hope I don't sound like I don't appreciate my friends letting me stay here, because I really do.  And I have no problem watching their children from time to time if I'm going to be here anyway.  I'm just starting to feel a little overwhelmed, because I lately I feel like I'm with their kids more than they are, and it seems like they're just starting to "expect" that I'll watch them instead of asking if it's okay that they leave.  I just don't want to be treated like a live in nanny, you know?
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  • TwinkieFiendTwinkieFiend
    You're running an overnight daycare!  If you did charge for this service you'd make enough to be on your own.  Watching the children of the people you are living with for a few hours here and there seems reasonable.  Anything beyond that is not.  There is also a huge difference between 1 and 6 children so the argument you're not doing anything so take on some more kids is insane. 
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