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1st Trimester
sinisforgiven
member
Family Upset about not finding out Gender...
sinisforgiven
member
DH and I are 95% sure that we aren't going to find out the sex of the baby until birth...
The problem is, every single person we've told replies with something like:
"You're crazy for not finding out" (Crazy, really?)
"Why would you want to do that?" (Like we have to prove our rational to them)
"That takes the fun out of it for everyone" (I think it's more fun to wait!)
"Oh well we couldn't wait to find out, how do you prepare?"
"It won't matter as much when the baby is born, you'll enjoy it more if you find out at the ultrasound" (yeah right, so the technician to tell me if I have a son or daughter instead of my own husband and I)
Blah blah.. And not just our family, but coworkers and acquaintances as well! It's our first baby, and we just want to enjoy the experience.. People seem to be out to ruin it for us 
I don't think we've gotten one neutral or positive comment about our choice to not find out the sex.
Is/Has anyone else dealt with this?
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Re: Family Upset about not finding out Gender...
That sucks!
Go with your gut and don't find out. We didn't find out with DD and it was a great. I didn't even think about it after the big ultrasound because I wouldn't be having another one so the decision had already been made and there was no going back.
It was also fun during L&D trying to guess the sex with our L&D nurse.
That's funny because the talk around my family and work is, "Why would anyone find out the gender, it ruins all the fun!" So whatevs. We don't want to find out the gender either - I usually have to have control of everything and plan down to the T, and now I just want to break that and be surprised.
That's too bad that everyone seems to push their opinion on you! Well, just remember whose belly the baby is in - yours! And the decision is yours. No matter what you decide to do, you're never going to make everyone around you happy. So just do what you want girl!
My family - especially my stepmom was the same way with my DD. We choose not to find out. It's your decision and you shouldn't have to justify your choice to anyone.
I don't think we're going to find out this time around either.
All the "big" stuff I have is gender neutral since we didn't find out with DD. If we would have, I think everything that would have been bought for us would have been pink.
The majority of her clothes are pink, so if we end up with a boy, I'll be shopping for new clothes after the baby gets here.
You can thank them for their opinion but ultimately the decision's yours!!
I have to say I waited for DS and it was extraordinary. I wouldn't take it back for a minute!! I was in labour for a while and waiting for the surprise was sooooo worth it!!!
And it was something that just DH and I could experience together which made it extra special.
I find the older generations have a lot more to say about what you do because they just want to be a part of it. We decided not to share names for this reason. Everybody has an opinoin.
We didn't find out and alot of our friends responded the same way. Not our family though. It was awesome annoucing the new baby and gender when she was born.
As an L&D nurse I LOVE when my patients don't know! It's so much fun to be there for that moment--meeting the baby, finding out if it's a boy or girl...it just adds something extra to the birth.
That being said....I found out with DD. I couldn't stand the thought that people I work with might know when I didn't! And I'll find out this time, only bc I don't have anywhere to store clothes that I won't be using(once my clutter room becomes a nursery, anyway!)
Don't give anyone enough power to ruin anything for you. This is one of the most amazing experiences you and your husband will have. Everyone has an opinion so you should try get used to brushing off people's pushy insensitive comments.I think people just don't have anything of value to say so they just get diarrhea of the mouth. Before we got married we heard, "when are you going to get married" then "when are you going to have a baby" then "what do you mean you don't have a preference for boy or girl." Ugh. I didn't want to know the sex but my hubby did. So we will find out (I kinda want to know now too). It's all about what works for you - the parents to be!
Congrats for wanting to keep the element of surprise!
We don't want to find out either. Most say I won't be able to wait, but I'm stubborn! I think it will be more fun to wait.
My mom wants me to find out so she can do some gender specific shopping. She has bought some things already but says all the stores have very few neutral clothes.
I still would rather wait!
We waited with DD and it was so amazing to find out the sex right after she was born, it felt rewarding, like a special gift, to have gone through nine months of not knowing and then find out. Like some of my family said, you don't unwrap your gift before it's given to you.
Several people, some family included, were disappointed that we weren't finding out, esp. my MIL. You just have to put on a smile and deal with their comments.
As far as preparing, I had a beautiful green nursery with jungle animals. It was really cute and not gender-specific. For clothes, finding neutral items is difficult. I live near a large children's resale store and I was able to find most of my layette items there, and since the prices were low, I picked up a few girl/boy outfits for the first months. Since I didn't need the boy clothes after all, I was able to gift them to my SIL who has a boy two months younger than my daughter.
If it makes you feel any better, I got the same reactions!! "You can't possibly be serious, how will you get a nursery ready?" or "No. That takes the fun out of it for us, how will we buy you stuff?"
Sometime I think people just don't really THINK about what they are saying.
I say go ahead and do it regardless, we are!! I just think it will be that much more special to push out a baby and hear "It's a _______!!!"
I have two coworkers, who are good friends of mine, who were pregnant around the same time. One of them had her baby in January; the other is due in March. The January momma did not find out what she was having; March momma has found out everything she possibly can and has shared it with anyone who will listen.
I can say that, when January momma finally went into labor, the entire office was on pins and needles waiting to see what she was having. We had an office pool guessing the gender, and were all buzzing for most of her pregnancy guessing what she was having. It was so exciting when her best friend ran in with the news: "It's a girl!"
March momma is having a girl, told us what she's naming her, has finished her nursery, has all her clothes, etc., there are hardly any surprises left, so while that's fun for the parents and the family, it leaves no surprises for anyone else.
That's my own personal opinion. 90% of my family members didn't find out what they were having, so I'm used to the surprise. I personally don't want to know, but I know that DH really does want to find out. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It all comes down to the parents and what they want to do, but ultimately, I feel like there are so few "good surprises" in this life, that this is one of them that should be kept a surprise.
We didn't find out the first time around and it was SOOO much more exciting!! When I found out I was having twins the second time around, I just felt like I needed to be more prepared in case of bedrest, etc. Do what you want and ignore the rest of them!!
I don't get it. Who cares what other people say? Seems to me like you need to toughen up b/c you're going to be hearing a lot of unwanted advice and opinions about every little thing that you choose to do.
This is your baby, your pregnancy. If you want to wait? Then WAIT. We're waiting this time and while we did hear a few "ahh man, now we have to wait too, damn!" from friends and family, I don't really care. If we're waiting, they're waiting.
Carter Robert 7.18.08 | Brynn Sophia 5.24.10 | Reid Joseph 9.10.12 | Emerson Mae 1.27.14
We didn't find out the first time and we won't be finding out this time either. There is nothing in the world like finding out the gender after giving birth. NOTHING.
Another bonus to waiting, you will get everything off your registry because no one will buy you clothes. I actually had to add stuff after my first shower because so much was purchased.
Go with your gut. You'll be glad you did.
I admire you! There's no way I wouldn't find out. I actually wish that when I peed on the stick it would have turned the stereotypical pink for girl or blue for boy so I would have known right away! Ha ha ha!
I have a lot of friends that are pregnant right now too and about 1/2 of them aren't finding out. It's amazing to be able to be that patient and enjoy the thought of having either/or and imagining what it's going to be like as a person. :-)
You could always take it to the extreme and explain that you don't believe in gender biases and that your child is going to get to pick their own identity, regardless of its sex and have some fun with everyone for causing you stress! I read an article maybe 4-6 weeks ago about a couple that finally revealed their child's gender and the kid is 5. it was odd to me.
Nancy James 9.1.12
Calvin Donald 8.27.14
We are waiting to find out also and I am so excited about it. Our families are both all for waiting till birth to find out. In fact when my mother in law asked us if we were going to find out beforehand, my father in law groaned and said 'no'. I love the idea of meeting this little person for the first time without the preconceived notions of gender.
As others have said there are so few surprises anymore it's nice to have a big one like this once in your life.
It seems like everyone has some advice or input to say about EVERYTHING with pregnancy...
"You're gaining too much weight"
"Are you sure you can eat that?"
"Are you drinking enough water?"
"You look like you're about to pop"
blah blah blah....
Ignore it and do what you want and think is best
I didn't want to know either until it was time to shop and I wanted to buy any and everything. I think to each his/her own. I think people ask all those questions so they will know what to get. I think people like getting gender oriented stuff instead of gender neutral. They want to know what the baby's name will be and etc. I think they just want to be included b/c they are excited too.
Now, for anyone giving you a hard time can just "kick rocks"!