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January 2011 Moms
CaniacMom
member
Parenting a Teenager
CaniacMom
member
Some days I think the toddler age is difficult to deal with but I think teenagers are even more scary....
My older DS is a overall a good kid. But right now the following things are just scaring me...
1. He is learning to drive - I know we all did at some point but now it is becoming so real. Last night he drove down a major highway in Driver's Ed.
2. I was poking around on FB last night checking out different kids that are in his grade at school who have been in classes with him. One of the girls just announced her pregnancy - she is 14/15 and a Freshman in high school. I know biologically they are old enough for this to happen but really.
3. I will come right out and confess- I snoop most any chance I get. I will look at his phone or laptop periodically - just to get an idea what he is up to. He has been messaging (both FB, Skype & Text on his phone) with some girl in Washington State. Nothing indicating that he is planning to run off and meet her or anything but some sexual talk. I have not said anything because he does not know that I am 'snooping' and don't know how to approach this. I am old enough that unless I met someone in person - school, church, work I did not have a way to meet them (I am 40yo). Internet dating/meeting people came along after I was married and had started my family.
4. I feel like Justin's interpersonal relationships are suffering due to number 3. I am not upset that he is not dating but I feel like he may not be interacting enough with other kids his age because he spend all time outside of school/church/hockey on the internet or texting. He seems to have friends at school, acts like one of the guys at hockey and socializes somewhat at church youth activities from what I can see.
I am hoping some of you are young enough to offer ideas that would work on broaching item number 3/4.
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Re: Parenting a Teenager
I wouldn't be overly concerned about the e-girlfriend just yet. I met DH online when I was 16. I eventually told my mom about him and for my 18th birthday she bought me a plane ticket to go meet him (I lived in FL, him in CA). That is of course not the norm, but just an example that the internet doesn't always breed bad things.
DH did spend a lot of time on the computer as a teen, but (sorry if this is TMI) it was moreso due to him looking at porn than him talking to me. He also played a lot of video games, but still went out with his friends most Fri/Sat nights. Maybe once your son can drive on his own, he'll have more real-life interaction with friends.
I'll start with #4 cause that's way easier - your DS is super involved it seems from your posts. With all he does with hockey and his church group I think he's socializing very well. I remember my brother at that age would either play football or be at home on his computer. I worried about him a bit (especially cause at that age I was partying up a storm! We didn't have cell phones or computers when I was that age). However, after a short while he really started to branch out, hang out and really get a social life. Now he's 23 and has a great life, graduated college, is an EMT, has a wonderful girlfriend that lives in town. I would say, don't worry about #4 he sounds right on track from what I know.
#3 I think openness is key and having dialogue about sex and such needs to happen. He doesn't need to know you snooped - for all he knows, since he's getting his license and will be out and about, you want to talk to him about what all goes on as he becomes older. I had a great relationship with my mom so when I did get in trouble at that age I felt comfortable to go to her and work through it. If we talked even more, it might have been preventable (like if she knew I was thinking about becoming sexually active I could have gone on the pill. But I kept denying it those few times she did try to talk about it).
Other than that, all I can say is that raising kids now will be very different from when we grew up (I'm 31 and didn't have all of that computer jazz when I was young). Maybe others can give you some more insight. Good luck - I get nervous just thinking about this!!
1. I'm terrified to have my kids drive. I was the most reckless careless driver out there at that age. I would take every opportunity to ride with him and not let him drive any friends around. It's just such a destraction.
3 & 4. I don't think there's anything wrong with snooping. Unless something really concerning comes up I'd just keep an eye on it. My sister is 16 and never off her phone (hell I'm 27 and never off my phone) it's just part of our culture now. Keep encouraging the extracurricular activities. I know when I was in highschool the threat of being thrown off the track, CC & basketball teams was the only thing that kept me from getting into trouble with all my friends. Although I had plenty of friends that were just as involved but still drank. Their parents didn't put the fear of God in them either though. I was pretty sure my dad would have killed me if he ever found out I was doing drugs or drinking.
Also maybe try limiting his internet time at night if you don't already. My parents timed us (1 hour) per night and that included TV time, it was our choice. The rest of our time was suppose to be spent with eachother, outdoor activities or studying. I read a lot.
This post is making me sound like a total loser. Which I was in highschool by the way. My H says I was such an animal in college because I never did anything in highschool