Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Marriage Blahs
*nodding*
I think it must be going around. Someone else posted the same thing yesterday on another board I belong to. I think the biggest piece is that now you are parents. Parenting has a way of taking hold of people and totally scrambling everything. You are tired, there is another person to manage, your time is even less your own, etc. I think it is totally normal to not be the same couple you were 7 years ago. Nor are you the same couple you will be 7 years from now.
From your posts, it sounds like you have childcare for Ky. Utilize that (if not for you, but for those of us out there who have no childcare option aside from the ones that cost $15/hr!) Do stuff together that you can't do with Ky. Do stuff that you all used to do together when it was just the two of you. Spend an evening home free of all electronics. Don't talk about the house, the kid, bill, etc. Schedule $ex - make it a priority. Make a conscious effort to be closer in the bed.
Ok, now I need to heed my own advice.
I dont have children yet but I have had this occur in my marriage/relationship. DW and I have been together for almost 9 years, living together for 8, and married for almost 4. Whenever our lives get busy ie we are both working alot, we are both taking classes, or family resposibilities get in the way we go through this. I think it is simply a matter of being exhausted and the one thing that seems to get put on pause is each other time. DW and I have tried to do our best to have one day a week where we are not grocery shopping, doing HW, cleaning, working, etc. It does not always happen but when it does they are great days. That being said our relationship cycles like this. DW is a teacher and I know the first month of school after summer break is like our worst month of the year...she is tired and frustrated with getting back into the swing of things. The first few years this happened I was super upset but now I just make sure I put a little extra effort into making things easier for her/us. Little notes in her lunch box to remind her to chill out and take a minute and I love her. I know when we were TTC our intimate time was non existent...she was just feeling a little to invaded and those prometrium pills make spontaneuos difficult.
As for the large bed...we have a king bed and sleep one opposite ends (unless I am cold which is a lot) but I often wake up and we are holding hands. Not sure how this occurs but it just happens. So throw a foot on her side of the bed and get a little skin to skin contact it does a lot and makes you feel kinda squishy....I know I am a cheese ball.
I agree with 2brides, we have definitely back -burnered our relationship since the kids were born and it is tough.
Not sure if this is an option for you, but we are starting to do regular (once every other month or so) long lunch dates. It is time together without the kids, but without cutting into family time. We try to use that time to really be together and not simply run through our laundry list of chores/responsibilities (e.g. did you pay this bill, when are we getting groceries, etc.). Our next one is Tuesday and I am really really looking forward to it! I really like spending adult time with Kel and I think sometimes we forget that when we are so busy in our parenting roles.
I think it is really easy to trust in the strength of your relationship to withstand some challenging periods where it is simply not the focus, but I know we do better when we feed and care for our bond. It makes us happier and it probably makes us better parents.
ETA--re the bed, we currently have both kids in bed with us, so our bed is two queen mattresses next to each other on the floor. Kel on one and me on the other, each with a kid. I love aspects of cosleeping, but I will be very happy to get back to sharing a bed with Kel some day.
*raises hand*
Yup... I'll elaborate later.
I have to agree with 2brides...and need to heed her advice.
I can only imagine how you feel, but must admit I am a bit envious. C and I used to cuddle all the time before the Kiddos and now it is a cherished moment because it is so infrequent. We also let the Kiddos sleep with us way too long so sleeping at opposite sides of our king-sized bed comes naturally. We rarely make it out nor do we go out on dates much...when we do all we talk about are the Kiddos. Kiddos do have a tendency to put things on the back burner. (Over this past week) we have realized that we need to communicate our needs and that we hadn't been.
Remember, you have a family here that can relate. ((hugs))
We don't have kids yet so my answer may not be totally applicable. But we have been together for 12 years as of this Sunday, and we've gone through some major transitions together and each time feels like learning how to be married for the first time. I definitely think that everyone goes through this, and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either of you, or with your relationship. But as PPs have said, it will not fix itself. We all know that commitment like this means giving up that fun new relationship time when it is SO easy to be thrilled by each other and enjoy every moment together, no matter how silly or mundane, but it's still disappointing
My advice is mainly just to make sure that you are doing what makes you happy. It sounds like you aren't very satisfied with how you guys are spending your free time together. Is there something that you miss doing, or something you've always wanted to do together? I know that for Jen and I, getting back into triathlon together after I got out of law school was an important part of feeling like we were LIVING life together, and not just letting the time pass us by. We're not sure what we'll be doing to get that feeling back after the kids come, but we're already talking about the necessity of finding that, the possibilities, and what we want our new lives to look like once things settle down and we're getting some sleep again.
I really appreciate this post - both the questions and the answers. EV and I are in a really good place right now - but over the course of our 12 year relationship (7 year marriage) there have definitely been ups and downs and I can relate to everything that's been shared on this board (well substitute dogs for kids
But I do worry about us after the baby comes, and what kind of relationship we'll have. Over the years the biggest "killer" of our fun times together is when everything we talk about is chore related (bills, to-do lists, etc.) and most of that rests on me because I juggle a lot of it, I like to talk about the things I'm working on, and I like talking period. I think sometimes EV's eyes just glaze over. Another hurdle is the tv. I sit in my favorite chair, she lays on the coach. Muting out commericals helps so we can talk about the show - but still - it's barely hanging out. The thing is after work/grad school/life watching an hour of tv seems like a tempting luxury.
We already decided that we're turning off cable again come July (maybe sooner). And hopefully we'll be able to plan fun times together, and remember to make room/time for romance - lol....
I'll have to make a note in my Outlook to read this thread again in Feb 2013....
Thanks everyone for the ideas. I think it is most comforting to know that I am not the only one out there that has experienced this.
Now I just need to to put some ideas into action and out of this funk.
Just read this and it made me think of this thread
https://marriageconfessions.com/2012/02/08/year-seven/