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July 2011 Moms
XSailoretteX
member
Getting angrier at my own parents - the vent
XSailoretteX
member
I was on the phone with my mom the other day when she said "my friends asked me when I was going to get to see my grandbaby and I said 'well I just don't know, but I haven't been invited.'"
She was here two or three weeks ago. My parents' house is a three hour drive from ours, so when my mom comes, it is for a couple of days.
A couple of days with her snoring so loudly in the living room that my STTNer (with exception) baby wakes up three times and I get up to take care of him while her and her sleeping pills doze right through it. A couple days with someone who doesn't get the concept of quiet time or a schedule or overstimulation or just STFUing on a regular basis. A couple days of someone who b!tches incessantly about members of my family who I simply do not associate with because I genuinely do not enjoy stress.
It doesn't help that I've found myself lately getting angrier and angrier about my own childhood. Half of the crazy stories that I tell are from when I was like 14. All I ever heard was that I was such a terrible kid until **surprise** I was. But then, whenever anyone in the school system wanted to help, my mom got all up in arms about how they didn't know WTF they were taking about.
Um. Yes they did.
None of this ever bothered me until DS came along and I saw how my mom interacted with him. It's all about her even when she's pretending that it isn't. I have a tiny house - buy him a 4 foot tall stuff animal for for Christmas! We're out together and he's getting tired? Oh he'll be fine if we go to one more store to look for the perfect little baby shorts!
She acts like it's just all about DS when it is her own self indulgence. She is so reactionary. She never stops to think "hrm, I feel like being a loud, obnoxious b!tchface but maybe I should get on the floor and quietly read the baby a story instead."
So yeah. I'm finding it harder and harder to talk to her without getting angry and it isn't like there is a problem that we can calmly discuss. She just can't see the world past her own face. When I tell her specific things that she needs to stop doing - like checking her iPhone and loudly b!tching about who sent her what message - she agrees and does it anyway 2 minutes later because she has no self control.
Note: sorry about the typos. Since the last Bump update, I haven't been about to use my back and forward buttons to navigate within text areas. Sad panda.
Edit: I cleaned it up a little bit. The typos at least, not the language.
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Re: Getting angrier at my own parents - the vent
Oh and last time that DH went out of town, I didn't tell her because the time before that she came down to "help" and about drive me BSC. Now he's going OOT at least three more times in the next month and I'm probably not going to tell her about those trips either - even though one ia going to be a week.
I know that she has to come visit at some point, but, well, DH is very patient and makes a good buffer.
Are we sisters? Do we have the same mom?
Seriously. I could have written your post! In fact, she is the reason I started going to therapy when I was 7 months pregnant. No joke. And, she is coming this weekend....ugh. Luckily, we both agree that she cannot stay at my house and has to get a hotel. That helps a lot!
That sucks. Your Mom sounds like quite a peach! Is it possible for her to stay at a hotel if/when she comes again?
I don't have any suggestions and truthfully it sounds like even if you talked with her she wouldn't change.
It's really a shame we can't pick our parents.
I'm going to ask that she gets a hotel room next time she comes down.
I'm also seriously considering therapy because I am finding myself with a huge amount of anger that I just have no productive place for. I only even started thinking about the decisions that were made for me when when I was a child because I was thinking through how I would do certain things for Squirmy.
Me completely losing my sh!t on TIP the last time Mom came: [link]
I could have written this myself, nothing to add except that you are not alone. I am dealing with similar issues and while these issues have been around forever now that I have a child I deal in a much more nonchalant manner. Having your own child really brings clarity to how you view your own family. I feel like my time is limited with my own kid since I work long hours, we are loving raising her and enjoy every single moment and I am not going to let someone else's jealousy/bad attitude mess that up.