my newborn will not sleep in cosleeper

Mama Angelina · February 2012

My two week old won't sleep in his cosleeper... he sleeps fine, but only if he's in our bed (usually on our chest but sometimes cradled in DH's arm). During the day, he's much more flexible and will nap in a bouncy seat, in his cosleeper sometimes, in the carseat, and on the boppy next to us. But at night it's in our bed or nothing... We've tried putting him down drowsy, putting him down fast asleep, and everything in the middle - he wakes up and fusses. We've tried swaddling and also just a fleece sleepsack. He wears mittens and a hat, too.

I think he may have a bit of reflux so we also tilted his cosleeper to see if that would help but no dice so far. The thermostat is at 72 each night...maybe he is still too cold?

Any suggestions? DS #1 slept anywhere and everywhere from day 1, so this has come out of left field for us. Thanks.

Sofka · February 2012

maybe he's too hot? I don't think he needs a hat

if not that, I had 2 horrible sleepers and basically did whatever it took, including co-sleeping

Mama Angelina · February 2012

Sofka:
maybe he's too hot? I don't think he needs a hat
if not that, I had 2 horrible sleepers and basically did whatever it took, including co-sleeping

I don't mind cosleeping (in our bed) except that I worry about him so I don't sleep well and wake up frequently to check on him.

mcatmay · February 2012

I have no idea if you think it would help or not but the Rock N Play kind of mimics a more 'snuggly' space and is at an incline - i feel like all babies around this age have a weak esophageal sphincter and are more comfortable at an incline. We swaddled DD and put her in it - she did not sleep well anywhere else.

As sofka suggested, I would also play around with layers. I think I would also ditch the hat so your LO can regulate his own body temperature as needed.

The last thing that i'd suggest (if the belly button's fallen off) is to start a bathtime routine, even this early on. We did this with DD and it got her in the mindset of bedtime being around the corner, relaxing her and after a full tummy of milk, she'd be knocked out cold and wouldn't notice where she was sleeping.

You've probably already done all these things so i apologize if some of this is repetitive. It stinks when you can't get sleep even when your LO is sleeping. Good luck, mama!

Mama Angelina · February 2012

mcatmay:
I have no idea if you think it would help or not but the Rock N Play kind of mimics a more 'snuggly' space and is at an incline - i feel like all babies around this age have a weak esophageal sphincter and are more comfortable at an incline. We swaddled DD and put her in it - she did not sleep well anywhere else.
As sofka suggested, I would also play around with layers. I think I would also ditch the hat so your LO can regulate his own body temperature as needed.
The last thing that i'd suggest (if the belly button's fallen off) is to start a bathtime routine, even this early on. We did this with DD and it got her in the mindset of bedtime being around the corner, relaxing her and after a full tummy of milk, she'd be knocked out cold and wouldn't notice where she was sleeping.
You've probably already done all these things so i apologize if some of this is repetitive. It stinks when you can't get sleep even when your LO is sleeping. Good luck, mama!

Thank you! I was just reading about the rock n play being helpful for people in our situation. Our room is drafty so I don't think he's too hot (and without hat and mittens his hands are ice cold and his nose, too) but I can play around with layers...I am willing to try anything! He was 16 days early so I don't know if he is still working on regulating his own temp? He's still supposed to be in mah belly at this point still.

It seems a lot of effort to bathe him every day and for some reason he isn't relaxed but cries instead (we use a space heater in the bathroom because it feels chilly otherwise) so we haven't tried bathing him each day. We are so tired and DS#1 has been SO clingy to me every day I frankly don't have the energy for a full bath for DS2 each night...but I will also try that. We did with DS1 and it worked well to get him into a routine. It's crazy how the dynamic changes when another is added into the mix.

thanks for the suggestions

tomandcourt · February 2012

J was like that for the first few weeks. He would usually fall asleep in the crib at first (or the little pod-thing in our pack n' play) but eventually he would wake up and not be able to sleep anywhere but on one of our chests.

It was tough, but we took turns sleeping out on the couch, and eventually he grew out of it.

I agree with Sofka that he might be hot--the swaddle is probably good but the mittens might be too much.

He's still little! I'm sure it will get better soon.

WinesNotWhines · February 2012

That doesn't sound unusual to me. I think you just lucked out with a good sleeper the first time. For the first 6 weeks, we basically did whatever it took to get some sleep, including what you describe. Eventually I was able to very slowly/carefully put him down in the cosleeper after he was already fully asleep in my arms, but it didn't always work. We spent many nights in those first few weeks with me holding him in my arms while I was in a semi-reclined position on the bed. I realize this isn't exactly helpful, but I wanted to let you know it's fairly normal and he will grow out of it.

kafunder · February 2012

I don't have any advice that the PP haven't already mentioned, but I just wanted to say that our pedi and the nurses at the hospital warned us not to let a baby sleep with a hat. It keeps them too warm, which is a SIDS risk, and it can fall off and cover their faces/mouths and make breathing difficult (i.e., suffocation). Just wanted to share that.

Also, I wouldn't put the temperature above 72...newborns are better off a little cool than too hot, due to the SIDS risk, and they usually sleep better when the air is cooler, but they're swaddled to keep them warm.

Good luck!

vtkgirl77 · February 2012

I think this sounds really normal. DD always used to do better if she was "snuggled" in some way whether it be a seat/swing, an arm, etc. However, I was never a successful co-sleeper since I can't sleep with the baby next to me (for fear of rolling over them or something).

I would suggest to try other things but to still keep trying with the co-sleeper as well. Here are a few things that helped us:

1. We swaddled using the Miracle Blanket. I'm not sure if you have that or not but we found that DD always broke out of the regular blankets and the Miracle Blanket kept her really snug and better able to sleep on her own.

2. My step-brother with 7 kids had to remind me of this...when a baby falls asleep in your arms, they aren't in a deep sleep until around 10-15 more minutes. So, if she falls asleep in your arms, give her another 10 minutes or so before putting her in the co-sleeper.

3. After laying down my daughter in the co-sleeper, I would sometimes keep a hand on top of her and kind of jiggle it a little so she still felt the comfort and then I would wait until she settled again to release my hand. I would also sometimes lay her down keeping my arm sort of under her head for a minute until she settled in before pulling my hand out.

umdbride · February 2012

I think when DS was really small he'd wake up because the sheets were so cold compared to being snuggled. I used to put something warm (like the shirt I just took off to nurse, or a heating pad set on really low) in the PnP before putting DS in. Just take it out and check to make sure the sheets aren't too warm before putting LO back in.

mssaint · February 2012

Also, since your LO was early, this stage might last a week or two longer than it does for some babies.

I agree with others that in the first few weeks you just do what you need to do. I spent a lot of nights on the couch with a baby snuggled in my arms.

QueSrah · February 2012

Ditto whoever said you were blessed with an unusually good sleeper the first time around!

If you suspect reflux, tilting the cosleeper might not be enough for him. We let T sleep in her bouncy seat or swing more times that I'd like to remember because the angle was better for her reflux than her (tilted) crib. I'd definitely try a rock 'n play if we were in that situation again.

Sofka · February 2012

the best way to tell if a baby is cold is to touch his neck, that's a much better indicator than hands or nose, which are often cold in babies.

My friend's son slept in a car seat for almost a year!

can you nurse him to sleep?

ETA: I remember my LC suggesting warming something and putting it in the crib to warm up the sheets and then taking it out right before you put the baby in (didn't work for us).

erin8606 · February 2012

we had this problem too and DS was 2.5 weeks early. what worked for us was to put a heating pad going in the crib before we were ready to put him in (and then we turned it off and took out when we put him in). that warmed up the mattress enough to perhaps mimic a warm body. we also got a white noise/womb noise thing. I think the noise machine was probably more helpful than the heat because we were able to stop using the heat pretty quickly but we still use the noise.

Mama Angelina · February 2012

kafunder:
I don't have any advice that the PP haven't already mentioned, but I just wanted to say that our pedi and the nurses at the hospital warned us not to let a baby sleep with a hat. It keeps them too warm, which is a SIDS risk, and it can fall off and cover their faces/mouths and make breathing difficult (i.e., suffocation). Just wanted to share that.
Also, I wouldn't put the temperature above 72...newborns are better off a little cool than too hot, due to the SIDS risk, and they usually sleep better when the air is cooler, but they're swaddled to keep them warm.
Good luck!

Thank you for this advice...good to know! But I'm wondering why the nurses put hats on all the newborns at the hospital (and newborns sleep almost all the time) if it is not recommended during sleep?

We don't put the heat above 72...and since it is drafty in our room I don't think it gets quite that warm in there. During the day it is 69.

Mama Angelina · February 2012

WinesNotWhines:
That doesn't sound unusual to me. I think you just lucked out with a good sleeper the first time. For the first 6 weeks, we basically did whatever it took to get some sleep, including what you describe. Eventually I was able to very slowly/carefully put him down in the cosleeper after he was already fully asleep in my arms, but it didn't always work. We spent many nights in those first few weeks with me holding him in my arms while I was in a semi-reclined position on the bed. I realize this isn't exactly helpful, but I wanted to let you know it's fairly normal and he will grow out of it.

OK thanks for sharing. Makes me feel better that I'm not setting him up for a childhood of cosleeping. I have to remind myself that he is only two weeks old now and it is good to hear that other people have been there and the kids do grow out of it.

Mama Angelina · February 2012

Thank you for all the great advice, ladies. I have a lot of things to try now and I have more hope. I wish I could sleep better with him on me/next to me (I really do like the sweetness of it) but I am so afraid I'll roll over or otherwise somehow harm him that I don't really sleep.

I really appreciate your suggestions!

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