Vent: How do you find time to enjoy life?

michelleaxo · February 2012

I dd'd. Thank you all for your advice, it was super helpful!

balihaigirl · February 2012

that sounds crazy. honestly, prioritize all of these things. do you have to work both jobs in order to make ends meet? if not, can you either quit one of them or reduce your hours? as much as it's awesome that you volunteer, can you put that on the backburner for awhile?

there's no way in hell i would be able to juggle all of that. i would just look at all of the priorities of what you have to do vs what you can cut out and maybe cut out some of that other stuff, at least temporarily. i wish i had better advice but it sounds like you're definitely taking too much on at once and the only thing you can do to make that better is to let some of it go.

MrsMillerTime · February 2012

Do you HAVE to keep both jobs? Honestly, I would give up Job B if I were you. Unless you need the $$ to pay your bills, I would seriously consider giving it up. Extra spending money isn't any fun if you're not sane enough to enjoy it.

michelleaxo · February 2012

MrsMillerTime:
Do you HAVE to keep both jobs? Honestly, I would give up Job B if I were you. Unless you need the $$ to pay your bills, I would seriously consider giving it up. Extra spending money isn't any fun if you're not sane enough to enjoy it.

No, I don't need both, but the extra $$ has been awesome since we were stressing a little bit financially before I took it on. I feel like I am letting down the folks at job B and my family if I just give up on that. Although if I keep sucking, they are bound to give on me eventually anyway. I have been hovering just above 2% for a while now.

A&Jmom · February 2012

I agree it sounds like you just have too much on your plate and need to cut back. Sorry to say this but it is going to get even tougher when baby 2 arrives. If it were me I would tell the non profit that you need to step down, for a while at least.

Sorry, hope things get better for you soon.

jillers1219 · February 2012

girlfriend, i'm exhausted just READING that. i would step down on the volunteer role. i had to do the same thing with a volunteer position i had and you'd be surprised how understanding people will be.

could you have your husband or a sibling tell your mom to back off? maybe she thinks you're being modest. if it comes from another source then perhaps she'll realize she's genuinely stressing you out and that's something you do NOT need to deal with while pregnant.

i don't have any suggestions on the husband or toddler front except to stick her in front of a disney princess movie while you recuperate at night- ha! jk. kind of not really, i would totally do that lol.

i know how much it sucks to feel like you're disappointing others, but what's worse- disappointing them or jeopardizing your and your baby's health? baby needs to grow and get stronger and you could be hindering that with a lack of sleep and the extra stress. maybe if you look at it like that it'll be easier to step back from a couple of things.

s-a-r-a-h · February 2012

PP have given you great advice but I just want to add that it's okay to say no. This article has some great tips:

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/the-gentle-art-of-saying-no.html

And hugs to you! Work/life balance is somthing that I think most people struggle with. I hope things get better soon.

rssnlvr · February 2012

Woah. You have taken on a TON and it sounds like you are totally burned out. If it were me, I would allow myself to step down from the non-profit (or just take a role with less responsibility, even if only temporarily) and quit job B. You have to prioritize yourself and your family above other people's feelings (in response to you saying you'd feel like you let them down by quitting). Believe me, you are going to NEED that extra time and space when #2 arrives.

In response to your post question, lately, I haven't been very successful at finding time to enjoy life. Mornings are crazy getting both kids up and dressed and fed and me out the door on time, work is a ridiculous carnival of putting out fires, all of which are URGENT and MUST BE TAKEN CARE OF RIGHT NOW. I have more work to do than there are hours in the day, so I'm bringing work home. My kid won't take a bottle, so I use my lunch break to go feed him, and then I have to leave work right at 4 to go feed him again. Then it's picking both kids up, getting them fed dinner, trying to spend some actual quality time with them in the evening, then dual bath/bedtimes. THEN it's time to wash pump parts, do dishes, laundry, pick up the house, trash, litter, bills, oh, and that work I brought home with me, etc. Then I go to bed. DS isn't sleeping well for the last month+, so I'm up 1-2 times a night as a given. Rinse, repeat. Lately I've had at least one pedi appt a week I have to miss work for. I'd love to quit my job because I am SO DONE feeling so constantly frazzled with life. I just keep telling myself that this won't last forever, that things will get easier. It's a survival game 'til then.

Ack. Sorry. Didn't mean to hijack with my own issues. Just wanted to you know that you aren't alone--and it sounds like you have even more on your plate than I do. Sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be kind to OURSELVES rather than giving everything to everyone else, you know?

cs612 · February 2012

Wow! That is a lot to deal with! Although we are dealing with different things, I felt very similar to this not long ago. I went through a divorce last year so I was juggling being a single parent and working long hours while traveling very frequently with no family here (my mom would fly in when I had to travel) and commuting from Gtown to South Austin everyday so I was basically spending almost 3 hours a day in the car. It finally hit me that I was very unhappy and I now have an awesome boyfriend that I was being a total b!tch to because I was so stressed from all the other stuff going on in my life and I was not being very nice to DD either who was also going through the terrible 2 thing. I really had to look at my life and I had to decide what was most important. I stopped the long hours and the travel and I had to explain to work that I am a single parent and DD comes first. I also figured out exactly who my best friends here were and I rely on them a lot. Going through a divorce with no family was really hard and I figured out very quickly who really cared and who really listened and wanted to be there for me and those people have taken off a lot of stress. I hope that helps!

MrsAJL · February 2012

You have too much on your plate. Let me be the first to say that I understand that it feels like you're letting people down by scaling back. You're not letting anyone down but yourself, though.

Unless you're in financial dire straights, drop Job B (if it's the same job I had, I dropped it too. I signed up for the STUPIDEST shifts known to man and it was sucking big time. The extra $$ was nice but not worth it.)

Second, practice saying this with a smile, "Thank you for thinking of me for {whatever project}, but I'm going to pass on it right now." Say this to your non-profit. I am a volunteer and president of an organization. Until I learned that magic phrase, I was going berserk! You'll be amazed by how many people are very receptive to "Not right now." It's not saying no. It's just putting it on the back-burner.

I know it's hard, but there is not one thing you've listed that's more important than your mental well being. Not your jobs, not your volunteer commitments, not your mom getting in your biz.

Lastly, stop feeling guilty about looking out for yourself! Remember what they say in the pre-flight safety talk? "Put your oxygen mask on yourself first before assisting others around you."

Hang in there!! {{{{hugs!}}}}

mcurban · February 2012

One suggestion w/ job B (if you like the extra money coming in)- if you aren't already down to the minimum shifts, maybe email and ask if you can do that. I just went from 7 to 6 and even that made a big difference. Let them know that you like the job/want to job, but that you can't keep up w/ the times of your shifts.

I would worry about quitting job B only to find that you need that money once baby2 is here and not be able to get the job back, kwim?

mrs.wildman · February 2012

I wrote a long prolific, heart-felt message and the fkn bump fkn ate it. now i've gotta run, so this is really quick. But you know I'm with you - I was there. OH I was there. And I learned what most PP's are saying. You've got to prioritize and GIVE. SH!T. UP. It sucks and it's hard, but happiness is the key to life. I didn't realize how unhappy I was until this Monday when I just woke up with a different mind-set and something just flipped inside of me. Now? I can't stop smiling, I enjoy being with DD more and more importantly - with DH more. I'm not constantly running down my to-do list in my head as I know that I'll have time. Tomorrow. Happy Mama = Happy Family. Things won't just resolve for you. You've got to make it happen for yourself. BUT, it gets better. I promise. Money doesn't buy happiness, just things that make you happy. Remind yourself that. You'll make do and people will understand the sacrifices that you have made to get there. Chances are those people - the ones that you might give up on (work or charity) have been there (or will be there) themselves too! XO mama! Hang in there! Feel free to email me any time.

blueskyeshining · February 2012

PP have given wonderful advice and encouragement, and I just want to ditto everything said. It seems like the PP know you well, but I thought I'd chime in because my heart really goes out to you. Two things my (very wise) MIL always tells me:

1. Everything in life is a season, and

2. You can't take care of others unless you're taking care of yourself.

What is your time worth? Your happiness? If it's worth more than the wage that your receiving from job2, then it's not worth the sacrifice. I hate quitting things, and always feel like the biggest loser if I have to turn something down. I even beat myself up if I don't step up and offer to do something, but I've learned how to get past it. I spent the first 9 months of my daughter's life crying myself to sleep almost every night because I felt like I was letting everyone down. After I started stepping away from things, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and wasn't embarrassed or disappointed like I thought I would be. Stepping back was right for everyone involved, especially me and my family.

GL!

Ruby44 · February 2012

blueskyeshining:
2. You can't take care of others unless you're taking care of yourself.
What is your time worth? Your happiness? If it's worth more than the wage that your receiving from job2, then it's not worth the sacrifice.

I've gotta ditto this. Take a break from everything you have the possibility of taking a break from. Does that make sense? Don't worry what people think. Do it for yourself. Make a list of things you enjoy and put them on your calendar and do them, just like a normal appointment. (Taking a break from everything else will allow you more time to do these things.)

kiarox2002 · February 2012

If it were me, I would quit the volunteer work for now. I would also drop down to the 4 shift minimum at job B if you feel that you really need to keep the money coming in. I would be tempted to quit job B, but MC has a point that you might have a hard time getting rehired later.

Are you using the extra money to pay down debt or something? I would be more likely to keep it if I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, KWIM? So, if I work for 6 more months and then all of the CC bills are paid off or whatever. If you are just using job B to pay regular bills, I would start looking at what I could cut instead: cable, eating out, etc.

I would also give yourself a pass on housekeeping type stuff. Your DH needs to step up and help more. However much he's helping, it's not enough if you are pg and working 2 jobs.

Mainer-in-Texas · February 2012

I have felt the way you do and not even had that much of a load on my back! I agree with everyone else. What if you took it one step at a time - cut back on the charity work, if you are still overwhelmed, cut back hours on the second job, and, if you still need to, cut the second job. Have you created a detailed budget? That might help you see if you really need the second job. Extra spending money is nice, but I don't think it's worth it if the job is making you miserable. If you decided to work just one job, you aren't letting anyone down! You are human and have limits. I know I would not be able to handle more than 40 hours of work with two kids!

joyco · February 2012

Yuck. I'm sorry your head is spinning from having so much going on. I have one simple answer.

Say "no" more.

I used to be a "yes-girl". Whatever you asked, I would say "sure!" "of course I can do that!" "no problem!" "yes, whatever you need!" and I was stretched thin. My sister told me (or reminded me) that I *can* and should say "no" much more often. Don't worry about other people's feelings. If you're not happy, why should you stress trying to make others happy. You should come first in your life.

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