PPD

Hey Jellisy · February 2012

I wrote about my SIL a few weeks ago, my brother called me in tears this morning to tell me that it has gotten really bad. He came home from work yesterady and my SIL was in bed, the children all had dirty diapers and he wasn't sure when they were last fed. This morning he woke up to her beating herself (punching). Short of going to Boston to help out, I am not sure what to do. They started her on Adivan and Zoloft two weeks ago. She's met with a therapist once, but doesn't want to go back. I wonder if she is reacting funky to her medication, or is this a normal phase of severe PPD? Anyone have any advice? I told my brother to call her doctor and therapist and to see if she can get in today. I also suggested he talk to the therapist to learn how to best support her. He took today off, but I also suggested when he goes back to work to have someone stop by each day (we have a lot of family in the area). Normally my mom would drive up and spend the week, but she is in the hospital (getting out today). SIL's mom is not an option at the moment. Oh, I hate to see her like this. It breaks my heart. (PS I will prolly DD tomorrow).

Sofka · February 2012

I am so sorry!

How old are the kids? Is it possible to hire someone to help her out during the day? I am not sure how it would help with PPD but to have someone there to help out w/ the kids would be great for the kids! Is your brother sure she's taking the meds?

preissless1 · February 2012

If this is a new combination of medications for her, it might be a bad reaction/combo. If she's taking both medications for the first time, that can be very complicated to figure out which, if not both, medications are causing this response. I know of a few situations (one personal) where a combination of some medications just do not work for some folks, and can swing them in to severe mental and emotional, manic or depressive episodes. Since she is physically harming herself, I think that is something that should be investigated immediately. While hospitalization is not ideal, she sounds like she's in a place where she needs constant supervision while the medications get worked out.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. It is really hard to watch someone struggling with depression (PP-related or not).

ETA: This is a good resource for PPD - https://www.jennyslight.org/ You and your brother could start hear to learn more about what she is going through, and how to go about getting help for her.

HUGS

jessak12 · February 2012

I am so sorry to hear your family is going through this. I struggled with PPD myself, and it was awful. I don't post here often, but because I had PPD, I felt like I should... Your SIL's PPD sounds very severe. I would feel uneasy leaving her home with the baby until she is feeling better. It is really, really important that she get in to see someone ASAP. There is probably not much you can physically do, but offering support to your brother is SIL means a lot.

WinesNotWhines · February 2012

It can take a few weeks for anti-depressants to start working, but it sounds like she needs help NOW. I don't want to be alarmist, but I agree with pp who said not to leave her alone with the kids. I'm not saying she'd hurt them, but she might hurt herself. I think your brother needs to take the rest of the week off, get her to the therapist, and also in for a doctor appointment. If she can't take care of herself, she definitely can't take care of the kids on her own. Were the meds prescribed by her OB? I think they should consider whether she should see a psychiatrist, who has more experience prescribing anti-depressants and may be able to figure out a combination that works for her. Oddly enough, I think some anti-depressants can make depression worse in some people (it's listed as a side effect).

mssaint · February 2012

Honestly, if she is hurting herself (punching) and the children weren't fed/changed, she shouldn't be left alone and should probably be taken to a doctor immediately. Inpatient isn't necessarily required, but it may not be the worst thing until she is balanced on her meds. Can your brother take an extended leave/FMLA for a week or two until things get stable.

I am so sorry she is going through this.

vtkgirl77 · February 2012

I agree with others that this sounds pretty severe and it's probably not a good idea to take any chances in terms of having her be alone with the children. I would recommend that the husband find childcare for the immediate future and take her to a professional to be evaluated. Boston has plenty of great hospitals. I know McLean (a psychiatric hospital) is very well respected. A professional should be able to evaluate what would be best for her in terms of treatment. My feeling is that when PPD seems severe, it's best not to take chances. It's better to be overly cautious rather than not cautious enough. Also, it sounds like she is really struggling, needs some support, and is not capable of caring for the children right now. My understanding from my own depression in the past (not PPD) is that sometimes you are in such a dark hole that you don't know what to do. So, at this point, I think her H needs to take the reigns and find some childcare and get her evaluated by a professional that specializes in PPD.

BirdGirl01 · February 2012

Can the family chip in for paid help for when your brother can't be home? Or can your brother's family afford paid help? Maybe a doula or someone the therapist can recommend who has experience with PPD. But even someone who can watch after the kids so your SIL can take care of herself. I'm so sorry - your SIL must be in such a bad place. I really hope she can get some help and relief soon.

kastle · February 2012

i have no advice, just good wishes & thoughts for you, your brother/SIL & their family.

Amy&Steve0421 · February 2012

I am sorry to hear this. I would echo the concern that she not be left alone - her husband could even take her to the ER - it may seem odd - but that way she will be seen right away.

I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Hey Jellisy · February 2012

Thank you ladies. I just sent am email with many of your suggestions to my brother. SIL has two babies, one 17 months and one 6 weeks btw.

jessak12 · February 2012

PPD usually peaks at 6 weeks, so it makes sense that she is not doing well right now. If she isn't able to get in with someone today, I would suggest she go to the ER.

ch ch ch chia · February 2012

I'm certainly no expert, but I'd echo PP's who say she shouldn't be left alone with the kids. Not only for her own safety, but for the kids' safety. PPD is some serious stuff, especially when it's that severe.

Useonfire · February 2012

I haven't read the responses yet, but I wanted to say that I got that bad and worse. Your SIL needs "rescue meds" which may work (they didn't for me though). The worse PPD gets, the harder it is to treat. Your SIL may need to be hospitalized for a few days to get it under control. Ugh, I know how scary it is. I'd be happy to talk to you (or your brother) more about it, as I have first hand experience both as a patient and as a therapist.

email is metrowomen@gmail.com

Useonfire · February 2012

Also, DO NOT let her be home alone with the kids. Make sure someone else is always there with her if she is at home.

mssaint · February 2012

And HJ, please keep us posted. I will keep her in my thoughts.

One of my best friends is a mommy in the Boston area--I could reach out to her for some ideas.

A post-partum doula might be a really good help, too.

jess08200 · February 2012

Thoughts and prayers to your family. Hopefully, she will get the help she needs.

tomandcourt · February 2012

Nothing to add--I agree with pp that she needs to be seen, immediately. In-patient care might be her best bet because she'll be able to get a helpful amount of medication immediately (rather than slowly upping the dose).

I'll be thinking about her and your family and hoping for the best.

Hey Jellisy · February 2012

I just talked to my brother. She's going to see her doctor this afternoon. I reiterated to my brother that she shouldn't be alone with the kids and she won't be, he understands that she is not capable of taking care of them at the moment. Her father is flying in this afternoon to spend the rest of the week and to help my brother come up with a treatment plan (be it in patient or out patient). My brother is going to talk to his law firm about using FMLA for the next week (his problem is that he just went back to work last Wednesday) Thank you all for your advice, words of encouragement. This has been a crappy week (mom in hospital (she's OK), major plumbing disaster, work colleague died) and I really appreciate your support. It makes all the difference.

drslizndan · February 2012

When it rains, it pours! I'm so sorry that you're going thru this. Hubby actually went thru PPD as well. He would be totally "disconnected" from her. I think it was more depression hitting at the same time as DD birth. I really had to nag to get him to see a therapist, and take the right combo of meds. His father passed away suddenly 3 months before DD's birth, so I'm sure that was a contributing factor.

Take care, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It took me a long time to trust Hubby with DD alone, but he's the most amazing dad. One helpful thing to us was keeping the communication channels open with family. Not only will your SIL need someone to talk to, but I'm sure your brother will as well.

MrsPhilDunphy · February 2012

I don't have any advice to add, just wanted to say that you are a good SIL for being so concerned and interested in helping her. It sounds like between your brother, her own father and you, she will have a lot of support. I hope she feels better soon.

2vthokies · February 2012

I don't have anything to add, just very sorry your family is going through this. Sounds like your SIL will have a lot of support, so just make sure someone supports your brother too. It must be heart-wrenching to see your wife go through this.

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