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General vent about parenting books/articles
The article about French parents reminded me that I wanted to post about this. Does anyone else get annoyed by the message in a lot of parenting books/articles/blogs that if you follow their method, your kid will 1) be a perfect angel/perfect sleeper/great eater/insert whatever problem you're trying to solve; 2) it's so easy and works perfectly every time! and possibly 3) if you don't follow their method, your kid will be psychologically harmed.
I appreciate books that give ideas for dealing with kid behavior, but often I'll do the EXACT thing the "expert" recommends, and the result is still a toddler screaming on the floor.
I also give a big 
to experts who suggest #3, unless they're talking about outright abuse and neglect.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: General vent about parenting books/articles
this is why i don't read parenting books.
i mostly just take the condensed versions that y'all discuss here. typically these have gone through the "reality check" test & i don't have to shift through 500 pages.
i still haven't read the french parenting article, lol.
Meh. I really don't read them, to be honest, unless they're posted here for discussion. I am really intriqued by the article/book posted yesterday, so I might pick it up at the library, but aside from Ferber's book and What to Expect the First Year, I can't think of any I've ever really read. Ferber was out of total desperation (and it really worked for us).
ETA. I'm in a really great mood. Can really you tell? Really?
I do like to read parenting articles/books for ideas; there is no one-size-fits-all and as PP said, many of the ideas do not fit my lifestyle. I remember reading "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby" which had some great ideas but one of his must-dos is "never ever wake up a baby, even if you are late" which is not practical for this working mama!
Sometimes I do feel like I am doing something wrong but honestly, these books are meant to showcase what works for some and the authors are in it to make money, they are not going to say "well, this works sometimes but honestly, even when I do this method, my kid still throws a tantrum" b/c that wouldn't sell the book!
I say "no" a lot!! (maybe too much?) but it does not mean the kids won't still do whatever it is that gets a "no" - over and over and over again! My 3yr old loves to scream "stop looking at me, don't answer me, don't look at me" but I am sure no French child has ever said that!
**Dup--sorry!**
I think that everyone wants to be the expert and everyone wants their book to sell or their article to be read. So most people aren't going to say "this might work for some kids, but not all of them".
I still really like reading parenting articles and books. They give me insight into what is going on in my son's little brain, why he reacts to things the way he does and how best to handle certain behaviors. I read books in college to learn accounting, marketing and management, then later to help learn graphic design. I definitely do not use all of what I learned reading those books...it doesn't all apply to what I do on a daily basis, but increasing my overall knowledge does make me feel a bit more confident in my job.
I feel the same way about parenting...although unlike a regular job, the pay sucks and the books aren't tax deductible ;-)
I had the same reaction to a recent blog someone posted on here. Perhaps it was the same one? I clicked on 3 or 4 different posts and got such a wierd feeling about them all.
Anyway, I don't read a lot of books, just some articles that make their way around. I do like to get ideas, but can never follow everything. For example, I skimmed the 3-Day Potty Training pdf and it was just too impractical to do exactly what she said. But I did get a few ideas that I think were helpful.
I think you are talking about the blog I posted. I apologize if it was bothersome. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I just thought it brought up some different ideas for play that could be adapted.
I made a light box for Ben - but I used tap lights so there are no wires and the jewels we use are very large - I felt they were safer than the ones on the blog. I just like to look at different types of ideas and take what I like and adapt it.
Perhaps I should have indicated I thought the ideas would need to be adapted for your own lifestyle/safety concerns.
Amy&Steve, don't stop posting blog suggestions - i check out most suggestions here - i can take bits and pieces from some and leave the rest behind. While the play website is more than I can do with my schedule and life, there were some ideas to take from it.
Like WnW, though, I must admit that I get annoyed and upset with the "this is the way to properly raise your kid" attitude from parenting books, blogs, articles. According to the last article i posted, I have the genes to be MOTHER OF THE YEAR and be lounging at my favorite restaurant, delicately sipping my wine and enjoying a sumptuous meal while my future toddler delicately handles the fine linen and dabs the corner of her mouth. Check back in a year and find out how i'm doing ;-)
I think it all goes back to this 'mommy guilt' that was mentioned yesterday. I feel like parenting books feed into my continuous guilt of not doing enough, not being enough, not giving enough. At the end of the day, we all have to be able to say ENOUGH and decide that this is all that we can give today.
LOL, I know I've witnessed many tantrums by french kids.
I've also witnessed french kids kicking around a inflatable soccer ball in Fortnum & Mason in London. That's a crampt, pricey place to let that go on...I was shocked neither parent said anything...
I probably should go back & read this article.
Anyone read or see Freakanomics? One thing that stuck with me was that the actual parenting books folks read and the enrichment classes folks bring their kids to (count me in both crowds - I'm a fan of Ferber and1,2,3 Magic and DD #1 has taken a music class and a dance class) actually have very little effect on the child... what has a positive effect is the the type of person who reads parenting books and signs up for classes is parenting well in many less obvious ways, and generally are bound to do at least an OK job parenting.
If you've seen/read it, did I get that right?
Someone said it earlier replying to a post on this board - not in so many words, but basically if you're the type of parent to really care about/research this stuff, you have a lot of other stuff going for you as a parent.
Its the same thing for schools--the kind of parent who does the research is the kind of parent who offers their kid other positive experiences that supplement a potentially less than ideal school. This comforts me about the high FARMS rate/low test score elementary school in my neighborhood.
There was an article in the Post 2+ years ago by Brigid Schulte about her kids school in Del Ray that had a lot of good research.
https://randolphfriends.tripod.com/friends2/id9.html
Cant edit for some reason--and, wow, that article was 5 years ago.