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October 2011 Moms
Nita2603
member
Update to 'am I overreacting'
Nita2603
member
...I posted in the thread as well, but realized that most people probably don't scroll down all the way, so here it goes:
So after reading some of the responses this afternoon, I decided to call my FIL to run it by him before I would call the adult outreach program. He told me to call them right away and he would come over right away as well.
By the time he got here, I had already called them and they had asked me to come over to talk to them ? they wanted to hear it all and then decide if they wanted to call the cops or not. Well, so we packed up the baby again and went over there ? DH was working a gig where I couldn?t reach him and so we had to go together.
I was talking to one of the therapists there and she listened to the whole story. She told me to hang on, she would get some pictures for me ? she came back with photos from some party and I picked out the guy from the woods. And his mom. This didn?t exactly brighten the mood, since the therapist had already suspected it was him I was talking about (not really hard, they don?t have many 6.6ft, 220lbs guys in their 20s around). Well, she explained that she wanted to call the cops.
Turns out, this young man has been causing problems for a while. He gets grabby with female staff if he feels like it, he has bruised people because he grabs on this hard, he has knocked down male staff in the past because they tried to restrain him and he has wandered off to the playground a couple of blocks away and tried to?play? with kinds and there was some trouble with this as well. He is not only mentally challenged, but also bipolar and he doesn?t take his meds regularly enough to mellow out. Also, every time there is a complaint, his mother jumps in and tries to smooth things over and talk people out of it.
Well, so they called the cops in who took my statement. They also got everything ready to formally expel the guy from the program ? there is a bit of an acceptance problem in the neighbourhood to begin with, and they just cannot have somebody with an attitude like this around. I find this very reasonable. The cops also decided to get him to the Royal (the mental hospital) to check his med levels and all that and to maybe get some form of therapy going and such things.
During this whole thing, the guy and his mother are still in the building. The cops call for back up in form of some mental health muscle people to take the guy to the Royal. After he is cleared out, we leave the building, because they insist on me going to the hospital to get checked out (which is a bit overdoing it, I was fine, no bleeding etc, but I guess they have to cover all angles). Outside, before we can get into the cop car (I sent FIL with DS home, so he could take the baby to bed in case it takes too long in the hospital), the mother jumps out of the brush, yelling and screaming that it?s my fault that they took her son away, that we all do not understand, what kind of society we live in that I can abuse her kid (the guy is 26!!! Not a kid at all!) and then HE gets put away blablabla. She went as far as to tell the cops that they better get a translater in, because who knows if my command of the English language is good enough. She didn?t want this to be a disadvantage to her son. WOW. THAT was great. Do I have an accent? Yes. The kind where people don?t know how to place it. Do I make funny language mistakes? Yes, sometimes. I mean I moved here in 08/2008. I am pretty damn good with the language for not even living here 4 years. Whatever.
So they told her to leave me alone and she may actually face consequences of her own for not supervising her son better. That was that.
Hospital was fast and easy, baby and I are fine (but I didn?t doubt that). Then they drove me home and recommended that from now on I may wanna carry bear spray when walking the dog in the woods (pepper spray is generally illegal here, but bear spray is not).
The cops were awesome. They were also very impressed with Shadow.
So now I am on the couch, Shadow is devouring a large steak and I am reading up on how to use my brand new canister of bear spray (FIL went shopping, the man doesn?t waste time. Ever.). I am so relieved that everything turned out ok.
I am also so grateful for all the kind words from you ladies. I am not sure if I had made the phone call without all those reassuring posts. Thank you so very much.
PS: and here's the hero of the day!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update to 'am I overreacting'
I'm so glad that Shadow got a steak!!! I am so proud of you, you did all the right things. I think that it wouldn't hurt to talk to a lawyer as well. I'm not a lawyer, but this lady is harrassing you, maybe you have a claim for small claims court? She needs to know that it is not okay for her to behave this way. Also, I'm not a Doctor, but it looks like she might have a touch of bipolar as well.
:Getting on my soapbox: I get so sick of these mentally ill patients not taking their meds because they 'feel fine'. Then the regress and commit crimes. It seems like they have more rights than the victims :stepping down from the soapbox:
You definitely did the right thing. I'm glad you and A are ok.
Thanks, ladies.
Crystal, I didn't know you spoke a bit of German. Not bad. Spent some time there or did you make a weird choice in high school?
AMC, thank you. Yeah, I don't think there is any reason to suspect that I don't have enough language skills to deal with the cops. I used to be an English teacher back home, FFS.
Nicky, thank you. She is pretty cute. Unless, as seen today, she gets a reason not to be. Then she is 85 pounds of rage. Which is a good thing. I love her for it, in fact.
1. You so did the right thing. When someone is bipolar and unmedicated, especially if they have another disability that prevents them from understand right from wrong, there is no telling what they could, even if it's unintentional. And considering his mom clearly encourages his agressive behavior who knows what he would have done to the baby.
2. I honestly had no idea you had been in an english speaking country for less than 4 years. You have a better grasp of the language than most people I know who have been speaking it their whole lives.
3. That woman and her son are creeps and you did society a favor, and probably that man! If he gets into a helpful program and away from his enabling mother he may end up becoming a normal person.
I'm glad things got resolved. You did that man a favor by getting him away from his enabaling crazy mother.
Thank you for posting your update. Your story was really troubling and I am glad to hear that you and yours are okay and that the situation was taken care of appropriately. I'm also glad your beautiful dog got a delicious reward!
I am very happy it went so well too. I now drink blueberry juice out of a wine glass, because I feel like I deserve a good glass of wine and have to fool myself. *stop laughing now, please*
And I keep shaking my head about this whole day. What a pile of sh!t it was.
I just cannot believe how a mother's love can go so wrong. You would think that if my child needs to be controlled by meds so he doesn't endanger himself and others, you would make sure he takes them. And if it is only for the reason that if he is medicated and calm, that I get to keep him with me.
But as a few of you already mentioned, she might have a touch of something herself.
I am glad I made the call and went through with this.
And thanks to all of you who said you didn't think my language skills are faulty. Stuff like that always makes me not want to talk to anybody I don't know for a while, so I really needed some encouragement.
BFP Chart
OCT 2011 Moms BlogGood for you! German is not easy to learn as a second language.
I also didn't know there was a Christkindlmarkt in Chicago. I may need to go there at some point. I avoid them like the plaque at home, but after 4 years I start missing it a bit around Christmas. It may be a bit closer than home, too. No 8 hour flights with 2 small children.....
They really are. Both of them. FIL is as close as a father as I ever got. And I couldn't wish for a better one.
And brother is studying German in HS (11th grade). He wants to be a translator one day and is insanely fascinated with German history. Everyone at his HS thinks its odd because not many teenagers take to German so well, but I think he should have been European instead of American! I can't believe you've only been in an English-speaking country for 4 years!
Wow, I just read both of your posts. First of all, that's super awesome that you were able to tackle that giant dude to defend your baby, and your dog is super awesome (and cute) too! And good for you, you did the right thing. That man needs better help than he was getting at that facility. It's sad that his mother has that attitude because I'm sure it only makes things harder for that man to understand what is right and wrong. And she sounds totally nuts (Especially about the nazi thing, that is so ignorant. One of my best friends is German, she's a really great person, as I'm sure you are).
Between your martial arts moves, superdog, and bear spray, I'd say you're pretty well set to kick ass. But I hope you never end up in that situation again
I just went back and read your post. Christ on a cracker my heart pounded! Thank God for you dog and your martial arts training! I grew up in a home where my parents took care of MR and other forms of disabled adults. I have a lot of compassion and understandng for them, but have also been smacked punched and hair pulled enough to learn that although maybe its not intentional doesn't mean it's not dangerous!
So glad you and LO are safe and sound.
First of all, I am SO glad you reported the incident and got the police involved, especially since there were several other incidents with this man and his mother. Even though you knew the both of you were fine, it was a good idea to get checked out and I'm glad neither of you had any issues other than being frightened to death.
Secondly, her attitude was just so uncalled for. She was clearly grabbing at straws and using your accent or nationality as an excuse to harass and belittle you was just so out of line, even when you don't consider the danger her son posed to you and your baby. You CLEARLY have an excellent command of the English language as I would never have guessed, even for a moment, that English was not your first language after reading your posts. And often times, it's easier to speak conversationally in a second language than it is to write in it. So I can only imagine that your spoken English is impeccable. (Also, side note: the mother of my high school best friend was from Germany and was once called a Nazi in the grocery store by a disgruntled old man. It was a cheap and malicious comment, and I remember how hurt she was that Americans thought that was an okay reference to make. Hitler is not a legacy the German people are proud of and she really didn't know how to respond other than feel completely mortified and disrespected. Maybe some would say I'm taking it too far, but I really believe that this woman calling you a Nazi is verbal abuse and if she approaches you again with that kind of rhetoric, you should report her again.)
Someone mentioned this in the previous thread, but I can't imagine how difficult it would be to have a child with mental health issues and I feel for the mother in that respect. However, his mental health status does not give him the right to impede on the safety or autonomy of any other person. If I were his mother, I would strive to help him "fit in" or acclimate to the world around him so that people would be more understanding of his disability. But when she ignores the rights of others and expects those around her to let her son run rampant with bad behavior (whether intentional or not) then is so rude and disrespectful herself, she is really doing a disservice to him and preventing anyone from ever being able to "accept" him and his limitations.
I'm glad you're okay. Please be safe when you're in that area again; that woman just sounds like the kind who will carry a grudge and make you a scapegoat for all her problems. Definitely carry the bear spray and keep your dog close. Speaking of your dog, what an amazing companion. You're both lucky to have each other.
Thanks again, everybody. I it overwhelming how many kind and encouraging posts I found this morning. Honestly, I appreciate it.
Somebody was asking if DH knew. Yes, he now does. He didn't exactly flip his lid, but he also clearly wasn't happy. He organized somebody to go with me and the dog today and tomorrow and he also thinks I should from now on drive him whenever he has a gig somewhere, so I can go to the park to walk the dog. Sounds probably like he doesn't care, which is not true at all, but he has learned a while ago that I am pretty good at taking care of myself and, as he put it so nicely 'Shadow knows her job, too - she also knows she cannot come home without you or the baby'. I will avoid going that trail alone for a little while and if I start out doing it again, the bear spray is already snap-tied to the stroller (it looks a bit like a tank now).
I am glad the guy gets some help he clearly needs and if it just being helped away from his crazy mother. I am still not sure who poses the bigger threat to society here - I lean towards mom, though, because I am pretty sure if she was making sure he took his meds and had taught him some basic rules, nothing of this would have happened.
Thanks again for the reassurance regarding my language skills - sometimes I really need that. There are times where I still don't get my prepositions straight (which does make a hugh difference, there were a couple of awkward silences after the 'best screw ups).
Crystal: How can you not like Gluehwein but be happy about Sauerkraut?
And as for the nazi thing - it is just extremely offensive. In Germany, you could easily get arrested for calling somebody that. It is just a very sensitive topic over there, to a degree, where you can not have certain letter combinations on your licence plates - and if you ask for those, you may end up being on certain lists. I had to talk some American musicians out of jail a couple of times, because it always seems like a fun idea to them to scream "heil Hitler" and similar garbage in public - and that is reason enough to get arrested on the spot. Fun times.
Anyways, my dog walking escort is here (thank God for DH's useless HS friends who still don't hold down a real job and can be forced to do stuff like that). I'll be back! Happy Wednesday!