Baby names/name change question

justlld · February 2012

DH won't let me share with any one IRL, but it's killing me. If it stays two boys, they will be

Samuel Christopher (my grandpa's and dad's names)

Henry Michael (DH's grandpa's middle name, and DH's middle name)

Now, the tricky part, that's not really so tricky. I haven't changed my name. When we got married, I was just starting school, and paperwork is my own personal hell. Also, I have a fairly easy to pronounce last name, DH's is French-Canadian, and he def. gets, Mr. D---whatever, at the grocery store. In addition, his mom and aunt's names start with L, so Mrs. D just sounded too much like his mom. I had this irrational fear that I would morph into her. I don't feel like any less of his wife because we don't have the same last name, and my last name just feels more like me. Now that we're having kids, though, I'm confused. We could hyphenate, but that's hyphenating the tricky last name and the whole thing would be pretty long (9 letters plus 6 letters). I could just give the kids his last name (which is pretty common out here now), but the fact that my contribution to the munchkins is ignored in the name bugs me, and that we're not the "D-- family." I know his mom is not a fan of hyphenating, and I think my parents would feel sorry for the kids. What do you think? Is anybody else hyphenating? Also, the fact that they're boys means that traditionally, they'd be stuck with the name. Although, I wouldn't be opposed to them changing it.

kelnyc · February 2012

I hyphenated my name after our wedding and it is pretty long (6 letters and 8 letters). I did it because my dad passed away and had no boys, but it is a total pain in the asss! It barely fits on paperwork and I always have to spell it out for people, even though the 2 pieces are pretty simple. I wouldn't do that to my children if I were you.

bumpuser6119831 · February 2012

I debated hyphenating my last name because my business was based on my name, I ended up dropping my middle name and making my maiden name my middle name and have been using both names until people got use to my married name. I can tell you using both names is a pain in the rear since my maiden name is 7 letter and my married name is 6 letter and neither of my names are simple. Also, it makes for a ridiculously long email address since my first name is also 6 letters.

Jeep Doll · February 2012

I will tell you how it was being a kid with a hyphenated name...

Sorry ahead of time that this is a rant. Raves are at the bottom, too!

Our family name was hyphenated during the Civil War. It was pretty easy to pronounce, so that wasn't a problem. Here is what happens:

- it is assumed my parents did the hyphenating, which would be true in your situation and really wasn't an issue for me, either. It just wasn't true on my end

- even in this day and time when many more people hyphenate, people just don't get it. They would either assume the first part of my last name was my middle name and just call me Miss Smith (the second part of my last name). Doctor's offices would ALWAYS mess up the filing and put it under the second part of the name. Other places like pharmacies, or whatever else need my last name would do this, too. Like KelNYC said above, it takes spelling, an explanation, and they still get it wrong! Oh, and you can't put a hyphen on plane tickets, so my name was just lumped together as one. Some websites where I register don't recognize hyphens in names, either.

- Many times that a store or someone taking my name actually looks at the name, they always want to hear the story. There is sort of a romance to it, but I've learned to be very patient and tell the story instead of just saying "I'm in a hurry, can I just pay and have my credit card back?" LOL You can never be in a hurry with a name that has a story. Now that I am older (before marriage), people assumed it was me that hyphenated it with phantom husband. The story is interesting, but it takes time to tell.

- I graduated college and worked in a field that some companies would rather hire single people out of college... restaurant management. Companies with many restaurants wanted to be able to transfer their managers to different locations and married people are not as willing to transfer as much as single people... across the country sometimes. They are not allowed to ask you if you are married during an interview, but unfortunately would assume that when looking at my resume with my last name. Can't write it on a resume, but if I did get an interview, I would bring it up as I am allowed to mention it. Don't know if it didn't get me some interviews, but it was a big issue in that field.

The Good:

- no one else will have your last name, which is kind of nice. My married last name is a very common, boring one and I miss having a unique last name sometimes.
- this won't happen during your lifetime, but everyone that has my last name IS related to me. If someone sees my last name, they can say "I know ______" and it is probably my cousin or aunt/uncle, etc. This takes several generations to broaden your family enough with the hyphenated last name, but it is really great.
- Cool story to tell and it is romantic

I don't have any advice on whether you should give your kids a hyphenated name or not but I hope you can read the above and it helps your decision. I definitely learned to have patience about it when mistakes were made (doctors, etc) but that came with growing up with it. Not sure if I would have the same patience if I changed my name to be hyphenated after marriage.

One more thing... one of my girl cousins, whenever she meets someone and gets married, wants her future husband to change his name to hers and carry on our hyphenated name! Out of 10 grandkids sharing this last name, my two brothers are the only ones that will carry on the name and neither of them are even close to marriage or kids and might never be. The rest are girls.

lovebug33 · February 2012

I teach school and the kids with hyphenated last names don't generally use the last one, just the first one. So, of the kid is Smith-Jones, they just go by Smith and don't generally even know what the second part of their name is. I think it's just easier to have the same name as your husband. I debated because my name is ethnic and DH's is boring, but I didn't want to deal with hyphenating.

DrRx · February 2012

I hyphenated my last name when I got married, and our daughter got my maiden name as her middle name and DH's last name. My dad didn't have any sons, and giving our children my maiden last name means a lot to us.

AmberB75 · February 2012

Just throwing in my two cents. I never changed my name. My son has my husband's name and I still have my maiden name. Its never bothered my husband or I. I think you just have to do what you feel most comfortable with. Informally, people often refer to me with my husband's last name and that doesn't bother me at all. But for all paperwork and such I still use my maiden name. Good luck with your decision!

doggie mama · February 2012

I tried hyphenating, but everyone would just drop my name and call me by my husband's. My MIL still adresses cards and emails by my DH's That is NOT my name!

krismott25 · February 2012

we've been married for almost 5 years and haven't changed my name either. but now that babies are coming i'm thinking twice. i haven't changed because a) my last name just feels right, i've had it my whole life so i'm having seperation anxiety b) my husbands last name also is know by archie and edith and has a hill in massachusettes c) whenever i hear i think of my father in law and his thick maine accent dropping of the r in exchange for ah, for some reason it just annoys d) most of all i loathe paperwork and am intimidated by changing everything

why i will do it before the babies are born a) while id rather them have my name for reason a from above, my husbands not taking my name and i want to have the same name as them. my mother remarried and it was so annoying to have to tell my friends her name is not mrs. m its mrs.c b) i want to be the B family c) out of respect for my ever patient husband d) my kids will have his name either way so i mine as well join the rest of the family and finally if i hyphenate (which as a nurse is a little annoying, no offense) my last name will be 15 letters long yikes!!

GL with your decision. I think it feels like more of a big deal than it really is. I did a test run on facebook changing my last name and the world didn't implode around me. so if its facebook official i guess after all the paperwork it won't be so bad!

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