If you are anti-circumsision but your partner isn't

tangerinesky6 · February 2012

How does that work? I can't have my son circumsized. Its just an uncessary procedure in my eyes but my husband is so adament about having it done. When we were pregnant with our first, he was that way too. I prayed the baby was a girl so we wouldn't have to worry about circumsizing. Now I'm praying this one isn't a boy for the same reasons. How do you deal?

Embracetheday · February 2012

Honestly, I put this one in the hands of my husband. I didn't really get why circumcision isnt necessary until we already did. DH and I now both agree that it was unnecessary and slightly regret getting it done. However, we will likely do it again if we have another son so that him and his brother don't look different. I know this may sound flamefull to some, but DH originally got DS1 circumcised so he didn't look different from his daddy.

It is a big decision but in the end I'd just keep the conversation open and determine why DH wants to versus you not wanting to. Also, you can show him videos on how it's done - that really puts it into perspective of how painful and unnecessary it can be

hopefulmom81 · February 2012

I don't have to directly deal with this, as we are having a girl, but before we found out the sex, we were in the same spot.

DH was pretty great about saying, "I don't have all of the information, but my gut feeling is to circumcise", so I feel he was open to at least looking at informationon both sides.

Do you think your DH would read articles if you printed them for him?

beachbum28 · February 2012

That's hard you both need to talk about the pro's and con's. I'm assuming your DH is circumcised, so thats probably what he thinks is the norm and doesn't want his son to look different. Maybe if you do some research and show him that its pretty much 50/50 that baby's are and aren't circumcised.

We didn't circumcise our son...DH isn't so he didn't feel his son needed to be either. For me I didn't want my son to go through a proceedure if it wasn't nessasary for his health. He is a prefectly happy 3 almost 4 year old....we have never had a problem with his penis not being circumcised....and DH has never had a problem his whole 32 years!

jelina · February 2012

I gave my DH articles highlighting both points of view. I also included articles about how it affects sex later on. DH had never thought about it beforehand so he would have circumcised but with all the information he decided on his own not to circumcise. I left the final decision up to him though. He has a penis, I don't. Some people, especially from the south have never even considered not circumcising a child. My MIL about passed out when she find out DS isn't circumcised.

tangerinesky6 · February 2012

LOL. with our 1st I remember my MIL saying "All Camilli's are circumsized. Ask Dan if he remembers the procedure." Like she didn't want another option. It's my baby though. My husband believes it's not cleaner that way and he works in the E.R. so he has seen a few boys who were not circumsized and having problems with the foreskin, guess it was the mom's doing for pulling the foreskin back or something?

trojas · February 2012

I, too, am faced with this dilemma. A part of me feels like I shouldn't because he will be born this way- its how he is meant to be. The aesthetic part of me says I should...I don't know what I'm going to do!

theseaword · February 2012

This is a decision DH gets to make in our household. I didn't feel strongly either way though.

catmtl · February 2012

We will likely have the procedure done. My husband had to have it done at age 16 because of complications and he said it was the worst experience ever. I've also been with both circ'ed and uncirc'ed men and no matter how careful he was cleaning there was ALWAYS a difference between the two, with the former being cleaner.

allisonmarie22 · February 2012

I left the decision up to my husband after he promised he would do research on the procedure, and not just opt for it "just because."

I know some couples get into knock down, drag outs over this topic, but to me it's just not worth getting ALL bent out of shape over. I left it up to the one who has a penis.

tangerinesky6 · February 2012

Okay, when I had my daughters ears pierced at 8 months my husband DID NOT want it done. I put aside his opinion and had it done anyway. He wanted nothing to do with taking care of it and cleaning it because he said it was my decision to have them pierced. I don't think we'll get anywhere with the circumsion so I feel like HE should take care of it til it's healed. BUT he is deployed and I don't know if he'll be here for the birth.

AmberMH08 · February 2012

DH lets me make the decisions mostly idk what im going to do this time prolly not bother... i have new hospital/drs this time so idk its all up in air for nxt boy...my son was circumsised and they did a horrible job it looked awful for 2 weeks and he still has all kinds of foreskin idk what those hack jobs did... but it was bad hospital bad drs all the way around for me and my son...

PineApple85 · February 2012

TwilightMV:
This is a decision DH gets to make in our household. I didn't feel strongly either way though.

I didn't either until I read a very vivid description of what the baby will go through and then I read about the pros and cons. To me the cons of not getting circumcised are largely negligable and I did NOT want my baby boy (if we're having one, I'll find out on Monday. YAY!) going through that kind of surgery if there was no real medical necessity - like PPs have said it is really a cosmetic procedure. I didn't realize but it is apparently routine to do the surgery sans anesthetic (if I am wrong please correct me, I've read some articles and journals but I am far from what I would consider "knowledgable" about this). OUCH!

On a side note, I am giving my bf the larger vote on this one, too, since he can better relate about the social side effects of not being circumcized; but, we are going to talk everything through if we are indeed having a son.

laurendom · February 2012

Ultimately I'm leaving this up to DH because he is the one with the penis. There is plenty of literature out there that you can share with DH, if you are truly concerned and do not want it.

I think its pretty well known that its not medically necessary but there are aesthetic and beneficial reasons to do so. I would think that most children and men can care for an uncircumcisezed penis most of their life, but that may not always be the case. We all age and at some point DS may have someone else caring for him when he is way older and to me, the benefit of not having to worry about that being clean, is a benefit in itself. This is just something I take from family and friends that have worked in healthcare and homes that tend to older males.

I think some get concerned that their son would resent it, but can you miss what you never knew you had? I would think if later in life he resents not having been circumcised its a more traumatic experience to get it done then, but JMO

haleyjean84 · February 2012

tangerinesky6:
Okay, when I had my daughters ears pierced at 8 months my husband DID NOT want it done. I put aside his opinion and had it done anyway. He wanted nothing to do with taking care of it and cleaning it because he said it was my decision to have them pierced. I don't think we'll get anywhere with the circumsion so I feel like HE should take care of it til it's healed. BUT he is deployed and I don't know if he'll be here for the birth.

FTR, there really isn't much to take care of. I think I put vaseline on it for the first few days or so with DS, but I don't remember. It wasn't a big deal really. Not saying that is a reason to do it. It is a personal decision. We did it with DS and will do it again if this one is a boy.

cautionwillburneyes · February 2012

My FI had to have it done in his teens also due to having some reoccurring problems. He said he wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. If this baby is a boy, we will be having it done without question. My other two sons were circumcised as well and I have absolutely no regrets.

tifdaski84 · February 2012

We did discuss the pros and cons of each together but, since H knows one side of the fence and I know neither, I let him make the final decision. He did choose not to have the baby circumsized which, I will admit, was what I was hoping he'd decide.

That probably doesn't help you at all - neither of us felt strongly either way so it was never a fight. Maybe just outline the reasons why you don't want it and have him outline the reasons he does and sit and talk about it. Once it's a fight, you'll never come to a mutual agreement on it and one of you will always be mad about it.

Good luck!

amberlynnr7 · February 2012

I don't really know where DH stands on this. His reasoning is "he thinks it's more sanitary", but that is not good enough for me.

Luckily, we aren't having a boy this time, so it's not really an issue, we have more time to discuss it. But, I have a feeling I would get my way. I guess the way I look at it is.. if my little boy wanted to cause himself that much unnecessary pain, that is his decision, but unless he literally asks for it, I see no reason to have it done.

claudiaudia · February 2012

I listened to what my husband said about it, and I think after hearing his reasons to his own ears, they sounded paltry, because he didn't push the issue after our discussion. I didn't make fun of him, yell at him or say his reasons were not valid in the discussion. I just said that those reasons were not what I would consider medically necessary reasons.

I did not leave the decision up to my husband because, regardless of the adult, it's still not our decision to have it done. I felt it was cruel, unnecessary and simply something for esthetics. Getting it done just because daddy has it done was not a good enough reason. If it was customary to poke out an eye a generation back, would you still want to poke your son's eye out? It also didn't matter that you don't remember the procedure itself back then.

I personally feel very strongly about it, and I would have fought it till the bitter end had it come to that. The only time I would consent to it, is if there was a medical reasoning for it - e.g. penile problems

Where my son was born they did not perform the routine at the hospital and we would have had to make another appointment with someone who does do it.

morethancottoncandy · February 2012

tangerinesky6:
Okay, when I had my daughters ears pierced at 8 months my husband DID NOT want it done. I put aside his opinion and had it done anyway. He wanted nothing to do with taking care of it and cleaning it because he said it was my decision to have them pierced. I don't think we'll get anywhere with the circumsion so I feel like HE should take care of it til it's healed. BUT he is deployed and I don't know if he'll be here for the birth.

Let me get this straight. You don't want to circumcise your son because you feel its an unnecessary, cosmetic procedure yet you pierced your 8 month old's ears?

I have no opinion one way or the other. My husband is Jewish and circumcised so I am leaving the decision up to him.

NJbaby2012 · February 2012

Your husband has a penis. I'd let him decide. It's not like having your ears pierce or not...I'd leave it to him.

tangerinesky6 · February 2012

I think the piercing is WAY different than cutting off foreskin that can not be replaced. It's comparing oranges to apples IMO.

LiLTexan09 · February 2012

My son is circumcised, but his situation is different & it was medically necessary. He wasn't circ'd until 20 months old & it was under general anesthesia along with another procedure.

Every time I discuss circumcision with my DH, he is very adamant about having it done to any future sons. We are having a girl this time, so I'm glad I don't have to make that decision. I think your best bet is to gather non-biased information from both sides & sit down with your DH to discuss everything. Good luck!

Sovello · February 2012

You're the one growing this baby, if you don't want him mutilated then tell DH to go to hell!

My husband is circumcised and is totally against ever doing it to our children.

morethancottoncandy · February 2012

Sovello:

You're the one growing this baby, if you don't want him mutilated then tell DH to go to hell!

My husband is circumcised and is totally against ever doing it to our children.

0

Yes, that's the key to a great marriage. Completely disregard your husband's (and baby's father's) opinion. Huh?

Gabsar · February 2012

tangerinesky6:
How does that work? I can't have my son circumsized. Its just an uncessary procedure in my eyes but my husband is so adament about having it done. When we were pregnant with our first, he was that way too. I prayed the baby was a girl so we wouldn't have to worry about circumsizing. Now I'm praying this one isn't a boy for the same reasons. How do you deal?

This was a big issue with my DH and I since day one, since our first date! He is not and he feels as though it is unneeded. I however was very for it. The change in his mind didn't happen until a conversation with both of our Moms (who are both nurses) . I am not going to swing you one way or another but just so you have the information. They both told us the infection rate is just so much higher, for the rest of his life. Thank goodness my husband is a clean freak (with everything) because if your boy gets dirty like some boys do , there is a great risk for infection and not just affecting him, affecting his future partners, that "flap" (so to speak) can harbor bacterias passed on to female partners and cause his future partner UTIs and other infections. My MIL stated that if she had the information she has now, back then, she would have 100% circumsized my husband.

just some food for thought. Whichever you decide will be fine, but parenting is a team sport, something that I have had to learn also. So try and talk things out and come to an agreement you both can accept.

kloveny · February 2012

Gabsar:
tangerinesky6:
How does that work? I can't have my son circumsized. Its just an uncessary procedure in my eyes but my husband is so adament about having it done. When we were pregnant with our first, he was that way too. I prayed the baby was a girl so we wouldn't have to worry about circumsizing. Now I'm praying this one isn't a boy for the same reasons. How do you deal?

This was a big issue with my DH and I since day one, since our first date! He is not and he feels as though it is unneeded. I however was very for it. The change in his mind didn't happen until a conversation with both of our Moms (who are both nurses) . I am not going to swing you one way or another but just so you have the information. They both told us the infection rate is just so much higher, for the rest of his life. Thank goodness my husband is a clean freak (with everything) because if your boy gets dirty like some boys do , there is a great risk for infection and not just affecting him, affecting his future partners, that "flap" (so to speak) can harbor bacterias passed on to female partners and cause his future partner UTIs and other infections. My MIL stated that if she had the information she has now, back then, she would have 100% circumsized my husband.

just some food for thought. Whichever you decide will be fine, but parenting is a team sport, something that I have had to learn also. So try and talk things out and come to an agreement you both can accept.

Wow, you got to the topic of circumcision on your first date?! Intense!

Tasheystar · February 2012

My mom is also a nurse. She used to work on the geriatric floor. She would have to bathe patients, and sometimes uncircumsized penises get grungy & infected, and it's painful to pull back the skin. While I wasn't sure if I really wanted to have my boy done (it's really not a natural thing, though my tattoos aren't natural either), my mom's arguments convinced me.

Marcilene1 · February 2012

lissydee:

I think the argument that "DH is the one with the penis, so the decision is his" is such a bogus one. Umm, you are a parent too. This is a PARENTING decision about an elective surgery, which now a days, isnt routinely recommended by any medical organization. Furthermore, circumcision this is an irreversible procedure in which removes a functional part of the male anatomy.

We chose not to circumcise our son. Yes, my husband has a penis (circumcised one at that), and even h agreed it was completely unnecessary. The research in favor of it wasn't compelling enough to convince us to do so. Penile cancer is so extremely rare, that prophylacticlly circumcising as prevention didn't seem logical. Additionally, just as you can teach your girls about good personal hygiene practices down there, you can do so with your sons. Circumcision as protection from STDs? Even circumcised makes are at risk from STDs. A simple solution accomplished by educating adolescents about safe sex.

I am also a L&D and post partum RN and I routinely assist with circumcisions (not my favorite part of the job) and I just couldn't stand the though of subjecting my baby to that. *shudders*

Yes ITA. This decision needs to be made together as a couple. If you have a daughter who wanted a boob job, would your husband say, "You have the boobs, I'll leave it up to you." I would think not. I have to say I see stories on TB about people who had to get it done later in life, but I am from a family and culture that does not circumcise and I have NEVER heard of this. Also, I took care of my grandfather at the end of his life and he did not have any problems with his penis at all.

pixieprincss · February 2012

Tasheystar:
My mom is also a nurse. She used to work on the geriatric floor. She would have to bathe patients, and sometimes uncircumsized penises get grungy & infected, and it's painful to pull back the skin. While I wasn't sure if I really wanted to have my boy done (it's really not a natural thing, though my tattoos aren't natural either), my mom's arguments convinced me.

Just as a respectful counter, most men in the world are not circumcised and this includes elderly men all over the world. It may be perhaps our culture's lack of knowing how to care for intact penises that is the medical problem, not the foreskin itself. (I mean no insult to you mom in this, this is a problem with men's care in the US at all ages and one that I suspect other counties do not have.) The circumcision tide has already started majorly changing in the US and I expect that mainstream medicine will start catching up soon.

OP- Has your DH considered the argument that if your son ever needs a circumcision or wants one, he can always get it done at any point in life? In the US, we make post-NB circumcision into this dramatic sounding thing, but in some cultures cutting in the teenage years is the standard. (Onset of puberty in some Muslims, such as Turkish Muslims, and the end of the teen years in some African tribal cultures.) The idea that it is unbearable after infancy is a cultural belief, not a medical truth. We've all heard horror stories of some friends' little boy needing a circumcision for genuine medical need, but in that case it is just as traumatic as any unexpected medical crisis, not just because it is related to the penis.

Want a personalized experience?

If you are anti-circumsision but your partner isn't

Re: If you are anti-circumsision but your partner isn't

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

If you are anti-circumsision but your partner isn't

Re: If you are anti-circumsision but your partner isn&#039;t

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: If you are anti-circumsision but your partner isn't