I need to get this all out and I cannot talk to DH about it because of the people it involves. I talked to K's BF last week and DH hates him. I waited until today to write all this down because I needed to digest it all myself. So here goes...
K's BF (J) sent me a txt msg last week, first time in like 6 months. I never initiate contact with him, but I try to be cordial and respond when he says something. It started off by something simple as "Have a good day." I said, you too and left it. He then started talking and telling me how he will be in CA in a few months and would love to see me. He does this every once in a while where he says he will be in the "area" (LA is 8 hours from me) but the plans always fall through. Then he asked me to send him a recent pic of me. Well, the only pic I have is of me and Emme from a few weeks ago. I have never come out and told him that DH and I got married or that we had E. We got married when J's mom was dying of cancer in GA and I never thought it was appropriate it. He would call to tell me how she was getting worse and be all sad and I just didn't want to make it worse by saying, "Im happy, Im getting married" etc. Well, I sent him the pic of me and E. Then he got all but hurt for a bit saying how why didn't I tell him about E or that DH and I got married, etc. I explained why and then time just kept getting longer and longer. Plus, he has never talked about his family.
Come to find out, he and his wife are still married and they have 4 kids. Oh, and this woman didnt want kids! It kind of bothers me and hurts me that I am struggling for me and DH to have another child and he is smothered in kids.
We also talked about his mom a bit. I told him how I was sorry I wasn't there for the funeral or when she was sick at the end. I always loved her and appreciated the support she gave me when I was pregnant with K. (BTW, on a side note J's mom didnt know that J was K's father). I mentioned to J that I was sorry I never told her but I always thought she had an idea. J said he told her at the end and she came to terms with it all and never thought bad of me because of it. It made me love her even more. When she could have been so angry with me, she chose to love me more. His wife never liked his mom, and that makes me sad that she refused to appreciate her. I think she hated her because how much his mom loved me and thought we should have been together. His wife also hates me I think still, for being able to give him his first born child.
Anyway...the conversation moved on to us again. I told him we cant be more than friends and he seemed to agree. He has always been my biggest weakness, but I love DH more than anything. DH doesn't know we talked or that he might come for a visit. I figure I will tell him IF the visit ever actually is going to happen.
So I think that is about it for now. Sorry for the length. I just needed to get it all out and I cannot talk to DH about it. He hates J and doesn't want me to have anything to do with him. DH and I have only had 3 major blowup fights in the 8 yrs we have been together, and J was the reason for all of them. I understand his issues, but I will always have that connection with J. I love DH, and that is why I respect his wishes as much as I can.