Am I being irrational?

JavaVino910 · February 2012

The in-laws are off work today and stopped by our house to drop off an outfit they purchased for DD. They see the stroller in the garage and suddenly decide that they would like to pick up DD from daycare and take her for a walk. They called DH and asked if it was ok. He had to tell them all the things they need to get from the house (warmer clothes, diapers, etc), and tell them how to install her carseat (without a base). He then had to call daycare and let them know that his parents were on their way.

I'm annoyed that they didn't plan in advance. We could have had everything ready that DD would have needed. I also don't 100% trust that they can figure out how to install the carseat with the belt straps. (DH told them to call if they can't figure it out; he would leave work to go help them).

I know I should be glad that DD has grandparents that want to see her. And admittedly, I would be annoyed if my parents wanted to do this, but maybe not quite as annoyed.

What are your thoughts? I'm seriously considering saying that in the future no one can pick up DD from daycare without ADVANCE notice! Am I overreacting?

MrsPBNJ0220 · February 2012

I would be more ticked that they did not oksy it with me. I do not think you are being irrational.

bunnymama625 · February 2012

This would have been a big fat no way from me. There's a lot to prep, even if I DID trust my ILs...

plus it would have really bothered me that they didn't check with both parents.

hajski · February 2012

Although your concerns are valid (not irrational) I think you may be slightly overreacting. I think she will be perfectly fine and if they want to gather all of her things and deal with all of that, more power to them. Maybe just let them know that if they want to do that in the future, to call ahead and you will make sure everything is ready. I would feel a bit weird if my parents or in-laws were in my house last minute. I like to have certain things picked up and cleaned.

kimbo1216 · February 2012

Eh. Sounds to me like they love your LO and just want to spend some time (yes, unplanned timed) with their grandchild. Your husband will be helping them. I don't see how it will hurt anything. It's not like you have to leave work or anything.

CarlaAndJames · February 2012

That sounds strange to me. Seems like it would screw up both the baby's routine and the daycare's routine. Can't they come over on the weekend and take her?

3Girls3xsTheFun · February 2012

I wouldn't want my parents or inlaws picking up the baby if they weren't prepared (i.e. - diaper bag ready with food & snacks, and diapers and clothes and most importantly a car seat correctly installed). It's just too much to go over on the phone.

If they planned it out, no big deal.

For the record, my kids are H's kids as well -- if he says his mom can pick DD up early he doesn't need my permission, just like I wouldn't ask him if my mom could get DD. But I trust my H to make the right decisions.

When it comes to our parents and the girls, we deal with our own family -- if MIL wants to take one of the girls somewhere they ask H, and if my parents want to do something they ask me. If I feel like it's something I should run by my H I will, but usually I can answer things on my own, as can he.

skidaisy · February 2012

Sounds like your LO will have a great day with her grandparents. Big Smile

I think you are overreacting!

JavaVino910 · February 2012

kimbo1216:
Eh. Sounds to me like they love your LO and just want to spend some time (yes, unplanned timed) with their grandchild. Your husband will be helping them. I don't see how it will hurt anything. It's not like you have to leave work or anything.

Kimbo you never agree with me! Stick out tongue You're right, it's really not hurting anything. I just feel weird about them in our house without me knowing in advance (pretty sure a couple of bras are sitting out!). I think I'm a creature of habit and I am flustered that I didn't know in advance. I was sitting here at work thinking that DD was at daycare and then find out from DH that all this has happened, KWIM?

hepcats · February 2012

hajski:
Although your concerns are valid (not irrational) I think you may be slightly overreacting. I think she will be perfectly fine and if they want to gather all of her things and deal with all of that, more power to them. Maybe just let them know that if they want to do that in the future, to call ahead and you will make sure everything is ready. I would feel a bit weird if my parents or in-laws were in my house last minute. I like to have certain things picked up and cleaned.

I agree with this. I don't trust my ILs too much so I'd be pi$$ed but if it were my mom, I wouldn't care because she's not a complete moron. lol

Jills83 · February 2012

Maybe a little irrational. LOL. I think you should have DH tell them that from now on they should plan ahead a little so you can have everything ready for them and give advance notice to DC. Make it sound like you want it to be less work for them in the future.

It sounds like a fun day to me. I wish my ILs or parents were close enough to do this on a whim! :-(

amypogg6 · February 2012

I don't think you are being irrational at all. I would be annoyed too. And I agree that I would be annoyed that I wasn't asked as well. It's nice that they love her an all, but a bit selfish and obnoxious that they HAD to take her for a walk today.

Partyof6? · February 2012

hajski:
Although your concerns are valid (not irrational) I think you may be slightly overreacting. I think she will be perfectly fine and if they want to gather all of her things and deal with all of that, more power to them. Maybe just let them know that if they want to do that in the future, to call ahead and you will make sure everything is ready. I would feel a bit weird if my parents or in-laws were in my house last minute. I like to have certain things picked up and cleaned.

I agree. I think your LO will love it!

amberpro · February 2012

I think I would be slightly annoyed, but mostly because I'm a planner and this seems very last minute. But I wouldn't say anything. I love that both my parents and DH's love my child so much and want to be with him whenever they can. I don't see how this scenario would cause any harm. If it's a big deal to you, maybe say in passing how the walk must have been fun and to please let you know next time and you'll have all the things they'll need ready in advance.

DreamChaser246 · February 2012

I don't think so, then again DH's parents don't even know where DS's daycare is for good reason.

Call me irrational but I like to keep things to a certain schedule. Course, my schedule is pretty much when DS is tired, he gets a nap. I do like to keep things consistent and easy. Since DH's parents cannot respect DS's needs, ie. he needs a nap now, please stop being in his face and let him relax, because they don't do that with me I cannot trust that they would do it without me. Course, we have other major issues, so lack of planning wouldn't be the only thing going on there.

Either way I would not be ok with it, and also nervous about the car seat.

Magenta728 · February 2012

Eh, I could see why you'd be annoyed, but I think calling daycare and telling them no one can pick up LO without advanced notice is definitely overreacting.

I would also be worried (but only in my head) about the car seat install. I am sure they'll figure it out just fine. It sounds like they love your DD, and want to spend time with her! How lucky she is to have loving grandparents.

I feel like maybe you are just flustered because of all there is to prepare. "Did they pack this? Did they pack that?" My opinion: This is one of those times that you can think these things in your head, but shouldn't act on.

DowagerCountessofNJ · February 2012

I'd be ticked that they're rummaging around my house while I'm not there and that it's going to throw off DD's schedule. Some of your annoyance should be directed towards your H for agreeing to this nonsense though.

Turtle143 · February 2012

hajski:
Although your concerns are valid (not irrational) I think you may be slightly overreacting. I think she will be perfectly fine and if they want to gather all of her things and deal with all of that, more power to them. Maybe just let them know that if they want to do that in the future, to call ahead and you will make sure everything is ready. I would feel a bit weird if my parents or in-laws were in my house last minute. I like to have certain things picked up and cleaned.

Bump ate my reply but I basically said something like this!

klv · February 2012

3Girls3xsTheFun:
I wouldn't want my parents or inlaws picking up the baby if they weren't prepared (i.e. - diaper bag ready with food & snacks, and diapers and clothes and most importantly a car seat correctly installed). It's just too much to go over on the phone.

If they planned it out, no big deal.

For the record, my kids are H's kids as well -- if he says his mom can pick DD up early he doesn't need my permission, just like I wouldn't ask him if my mom could get DD. But I trust my H to make the right decisions

I agree with this.

rlmanning · February 2012

I really dont think it is that big of a deal. You were already aware that they would be in your house as they were dropping an outfit that they bought your DD. So you cant be upset at that. Also I am sure they know that your DD is going to need warm clothes. They raised your husband and obviously did a good job. I know your worried, but just try to relax. They will be fine

She is a lucky little girl to have her grandparents WANT to spend time with her ;-)

magnoliablossom00 · February 2012

I don't think you're overreacting. Let it go for today, but talk to DH so that in the future, you guys have a plan. For example, say something like, "I am glad that your parents want to see LO and are willing to go through the trouble of getting all of her things and picking her up, but I really felt surprised by the spur-of-the-moment thing. I would like to know in advance so that I can make sure she has xyz, because she needs so many items for her normal day." I think that gives you props for being a together mom, and also lets your husband know that you aren't opposed to it, just don't want it sprung on you.

And.... I don't really see the harm in telling DC to let you know if someone tries to pick up LO. At my old DC (used to work at a Primrose), you had to sign a consent form for who could pick up LO. If their name, phone number, and liscense weren't on file and "OK"ed by the parents, then they couldn't pick him/her up. I see no harm in letting DC know to call you for permission. Wink We had to do it ALL the time and it was no big deal.

11kacey · February 2012

mkd00:
I don't think you're overreacting. Let it go for today, but talk to DH so that in the future, you guys have a plan. For example, say something like, "I am glad that your parents want to see LO and are willing to go through the trouble of getting all of her things and picking her up, but I really felt surprised by the spur-of-the-moment thing. I would like to know in advance so that I can make sure she has xyz, because she needs so many items for her normal day." I think that gives you props for being a together mom, and also lets your husband know that you aren't opposed to it, just don't want it sprung on you.
And.... I don't really see the harm in telling DC to let you know if someone tries to pick up LO. At my old DC (used to work at a Primrose), you had to sign a consent form for who could pick up LO. If their name, phone number, and liscense weren't on file and "OK"ed by the parents, then they couldn't pick him/her up. I see no harm in letting DC know to call you for permission. We had to do it ALL the time and it was no big deal.

This. It also sounds to me like your in-laws are more spontaneous (maybe self involved).. "oh i know, lets take the baby for a walk.. never mind making everyone else worry about her and how it will affect her.. it is what we want NOW"... Because if they really were so generous and kind, wouldn't they have called the day before to see if they could do it? OR if they wanted to see their grandchild, they could have called your husband and said 'you know, today when we dropped off X we realized we would really like to see the baby. Do you think sometime this week we could pick the baby up from DC and hang out"? I just think calling and asking to see your grandkid THAT DAY is a little much..

But maybe I'm just a control freak?

kimbo1216 · February 2012

JavaVino910:

Kimbo you never agree with me!

Sorry! I don't do it intentionally at all. And, it's not so much that I think you are wrong. It just wouldn't bother me that much. We are all different though, and that's what keeps things interesting.

nicsigni · February 2012

skidaisy:
Sounds like your LO will have a great day with her grandparents.

I think you are overreacting!

Me too. I would rather my daughter spend a fun afternoon with her grandparents than be in daycare. (But that may be because she doesn't get to see either set of grandparents very often.)

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