- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Stay at Home Moms
Should I Dump This Friend? If so, how? (long)
When DS was first born, a coworker of DH's had a baby right at the same time. He pushed for his wife and I to get together - We did, enjoyed each other's company, and got the kids together once a month or so and talked on the phone quite a bit.
We got to be pretty good friends. When DD was born, I wasn't able to get out as much - She was colicky, had reflux and just having two babies, essentially, made it hard for me to really do much but exist for awhile. I don't think she really understood this and she quit calling me. Every now and then I'd check in with her on Facebook and vice-versa.
I called and arranged a playdate at her house a couple of weeks ago. We got together but didn't have the same kind of connection, for some reason. I think maybe she's pissed at me for not getting together and I'm pissed at her for not being understanding.
Anyway, she has apparently gotten really into direct-sales. While I was there, she tried to sell me Arbonne, Mishi bags and candles. She brought out some energy tablets from Arbonne, made me look at the Mishi purses, etc. I agreed to buy a candle. lol
I felt like the whole visit was a sales pitch. We invited her, her husband and kid to the kid's party this past weekend. Only the husband and kid showed up. I then get a message from her on Facebook today, "Did you get my Mishi purse party invite. I'm not sure if it went out?!?!?!"
No, "Hey, DH told me about Olivia's leg, how is she?" or "My child had a great time at the party!" Just asking about the purse party and whether I'd be there this week.
I really don't like any of how this is going and when I see her on Facebook, I feel like I do when I'm dodging door-to-door salesmen.
I don't want to make a big scene about "We're not friends anymore" or anything because DH is still friends with her husband. Also, we have mutual friends (who I really like!) so I will be seeing her at their kid's parties and stuff.
How should I handle this? I'm a really frugal person and I just don't want to buy any of this stuff.... I don't like taking away from my family time to attend parties that I don't even want to be at in the first place and as a friend, she's proven to be very "fair-weather" and that doesn't sit well with me.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Should I Dump This Friend? If so, how? (long)
Maybe just mention to her that you didn't get the invite and you won't be attending because you made plans already for that day?
As far as the friendship - maybe you can msg her of FB (I know thats not very formal, but...), write a letter, or text/call and let her know that you didn't feel the same connection in your friendship that you had before DD and you think she is mad at you for not being able to get together and you were a little mad that she didn't understand your reasoning? If she cannot move past it, I'd be done as far as close friends. H can still be friends with her H and you can both be civil to each other when you see the other in public...
Thats personally how I would hand this.
yup...she'll get the hint. i think it's easier than trying to face it head on and make an issue of it. especially if DH is friends with him and if you have mutual friends...
i hate the sales pitches from "friends" you always feel so obligated...just decline invites and she'll eventually stop inviting you
As a mom with a baby, I was pretty darn irritated over little things that wouldn't irritate me now. I think it had to do with the lack of sleep and free time.
I wouldn't make any attempt to cut ties or make any lasting decisions right now. You can politely decline her sales pitches and maybe even tell her that you really don't have a budget for the items she's selling.
You don't have to make plans with her or go out of your way to include her in things. Maybe there'll be a point in time when you find more in common again and enjoy each other's company more.
If I ever have to wonder if I should keep a friend, try really hard to keep a relationship up, find myself dodging someone or making excuses not to get together, I drop them. To be honest, I don't have a ton of friends, but the friends I do have kick @ss!!!!! I don't like to talk on the phone, I get busy and can't necessarily hang out on a regular basis since having P, I don't want to gossip about other girls or celebrities, I don't "do" jewlery parties, purse parties and the like... so ya... i've dropped quite a few "friends." Honestly, i'm happier for it!
I wouldn't make a big deal about it, I wouldn't even try to talk to her about it. Just let it fade. You can still be cordial at parties and catch up on FB if you feel like it, but why push it?????
I would try to avoid a huge falling out. Just decline the direct sales invites. If she ever confronts you about it, tell her that you are just not comfortable at those parties as you don't buy anything. In my experience, people get REALLY into the direct sales for 6 months to a year and then give up on it. So, hopefully that will happen with her and she'll turn normal again.
I'd be terribe at that job. I could never hit up my friends for money like that.
Just be honest with her on the direct sales stuff! "Thanks, but I'm just not into this sort of thing, if I need anything like that I now know who to call though! Do you want to meet up sometime?" If she's any type of friend she'll understand..
I agree with all of this.
Our family blog