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Single Parents
Dating....
About a month ago, I dedicated that I would start dating again. I needed more positive influences in my life. I've been separated from the H since last July. He is quite the manipulator and loves to tell me what a horrible mother I am.
Anyhow, I put my profile up on match.com and have been seeing this one guy pretty regularly. He's in the middle of a divorce too so we have a lot in common and nice to connect with someone. I just don't know if I'm really ready to be getting into a relationship with someone at this point. I thought I just wanted someone to hang out with, but I think I'm allowing myself to get too attached and I am soo not ready to really get hurt again.
Anyone have advice on how to NOT open myself up too much? He hasn't met my kids yet, or vice versa, nor any of my family. I am trying very hard to keep things casual but I don't know if I can, I just have never been able to!
The nestie formerly known as MrsV2005.
I just realized I have no recent pictures of me or the kids! Guess I need to get the camera out!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dating....
Just don't open yourself. When he offers info on his life, don't feel obligated to do the same. Don't initiate conversations that would imply sharing stuff you're uncomfortable with. You can also talk around issues. If he gets pushy, which could be a bad sign, just saying you're really not read to talk abou it yet.
I will say I learned the hard way. I ended a 4 year relationship in Oct 2010. In May, I decided I was ready to date again. In July, I did. But, I wasn't ready. My first date, I went home and cried. I felt like I'd betrayed him by going out with someone else. I felt like I'd betrayed me. I still loved him...still do, and I hadn't come to grips with THAT yet. When you think you're ready that first time, step back and wait another six months.
I had a long, good talk with my brother about this kind of:
He said that there is a difference between "commitment" and "attachment," and that when women start getting attached is when guys often freak out.I kind of get it. I think right now I am freaked out to get "attached" to anyone because (and like my brother said)..that is when I start liking "his" likes, doing "his" things, etc without even realizing it.
Tell him what you can "commit" too - being his friend, his dating partner, whatever you are convertable with. If he can take it and wait, great...if not, too bad. And no you don't have to use the word commit - it is more of a personal way of looking at things, what you decide you can "commit' to that is.
Just communicate what you told us, to him. It's a GOOD thing to take things slowly. If he's a decent guy he will understand and respect your wishes. You make the rules here. I think it's difficult when you've been in unhealthy relationships where someone doesn't respect boundaries. Someone who is the right sort of person will respect those borders you set up and maybe even like you more for them.
Do what feels right in your gut and you can't go wrong.
i think it'll also help if you date multiple people at a time. this way you don't really get invested into one person right now if that's not what you want. But dating is supposed to be fun, getting to know people. If you limit yourself to one person, you start to become too available/attached to them. (just from my experience).
But i also agree with achase, definitely communicate with him, he may possibly be thinking the same thing .
Ooh Match.com huh? I met STBXH on there and he was not what I thought he was. Just be careful and take it slow.