My kid stares.
DavezWife
member
(of course, so does my husband, lol)
I've noticed lately that my daughter (almost 4) tends to stare at people a lot. She just gets lost in a trance or something, and. just. stares. lol.
I'm sure most of this is age-appropriate. Curious, aware of her surroundings, and more. But sometimes it's at someone who looks different... in a wheelchair, a gal with a leg braces, etc. where I'd love to teach her some compassion and well, educated her about this kind of stuff.
What are you "supposed" to say if the person she's starring at is within earshot? (I try to just get her interested in something, but the couple times I've tried she's spoken up about what she's staring at. Yikes. I'm happy to talk her thru it, but I don't know what to say. What's the 411 on helping kids with this kind of stuff?
I have a friend who's son has a LOT of adaptive equipment (Brittle Bone disease) and she says that he doesn't mind when kids come up and "high five" him or whatever, but it bugs him/hurts him to have them just stare.
I want to raise my kid(s) with empathy and understanding. I just need to read/learn about HOW to do that. Any thoughts or resources?
Re: My kid stares.
Im interested what others will say. I have told ds(who's 5) that is't not nice to stare. We are an interracial family so we have talked about differences and read books until we were blue in the face. We live in an area with lots of ignorance about race. So we get comments and stares ourselves a lot.
That being said I had no clue how to handle a loud comment ds made about a girl with special needs. Her mother heard him and I believe was bothered. I reminded him how people are different and it might hurt their feelings if we stared or pointed. Im not sure if I said or did enough though. I tried to catch the mother's eye to apologize but she never looked my way, and I felt like it would do more harm than good to call out to her.
I think the best way to handle this is when possible get down on your knee and look DD right in the eye (making her more likely to make eye contact with you and stop staring) and ask her " what are you looking at sweetie?". If it's a special needs situation I say to my boys " yes that person has a wheelchair. do you want to know what it's for? Some people get around with their legs and some people use a wheelchair to help them get around" If I see that the adult or parent is watching us and seems receptive to how I'm handling it I'll even ask if it's ok with them if I show the boys. Most people are well aware you take notice of them and in my experience are more than happy to see a parent give a child a simple, age appropriate explanation. IMO, it's much better than telling your child not to stare and hustling them in the other direction, all that does is give both your child and the other person the message that they are shameful.
Try to think of it this way, if someone in your family had their leg in cast how would you approach it with your child? Tell them to ignore it or teach them what it meant?
I remember I stared as a kid. You say your husband stares, too. Are they alike in other ways, in social situations? I think sometimes introverts can lose themselves in public and have little self awareness because they go into "observation" mode. Sometimes when I'm at a party, I'll be so busy watching other people that l'll almost forget I'm there, and someone speaks to me and I startle. I'm also ADHD, but not sure the two are related at all