and the worry starts again

lhcooper · February 2012

I keep posting about this, but I know everyone here understands. I'm 10w6d today. 2nd ultrasound at 9w4d was just great. And yet here I am, convinced that something has gone wrong, because I still don't have many symptoms. I don't think my boobs are any bigger (than they were), I don't think my belly is any bigger, yesterday I didn't have my "I'm pregnant" ravenous hunger pangs....and I know all of these things are not signs of anything but I'm just so afraid something has gone wrong. First OB appointment is this coming Thursday and I don't even know if my doctor will do an ultrasound or not...maybe if I beg her....I'm kind of wishing I had bought a Doppler but honestly, if I used it wrong and couldn't find a heartbeat, my freakout would just not be worth it.

My missed miscarriage has just ruined my ability to feel positive for very long.

missjul61 · February 2012

Hugs. I know how you feel as I don't have many symptoms either. We just have to remain positive for our little ones. I hope each u/s makes you more confident and breathe a bit easier.

ELF4321 · February 2012

Take a deep breath. Repeat as needed.

You are probably having more symptoms than you realize (like, you know, over-emotionalism and irrational worries Stick out tongue ) Seriously, though, I had no m/s at all, I'm almost 26 wks and still fit into most of my original bras, so no bigger boobs here, and I wasn't showing at all until after 15 weeks (and then, it was litterally like overnight that my uterus popped up out of my pelvis and my pants wouldn't zip anymore!)

But I get the fear -- I was a basket case until almost 11 weeks, right before my NT scan, when all of a sudden something just clicked and I felt like everything was going to be okay. And so far, it has been. I still have moments of anxiety and fear, but I just keep reminding myself that I've gotten so much farther than I ever thought I would, and try to tell myself that everything is fine.

Are you going to do the NT scan? If so, that would be a good chance to see baby again in the next couple of weeks and might give you some reassurance that all is well. Hang in there!

lhcooper · February 2012

ELF4321:
Are you going to do the NT scan? If so, that would be a good chance to see baby again in the next couple of weeks and might give you some reassurance that all is well. Hang in there!

Thanks, guys. Elf, thanks especially for your post which, given your experience, makes me feel much better. I am having a CVS on Valentine's day, so there will be a scan then if my ob doesn't do one this Thursday. Of course, doing the CVS comes with its own anxieties, but that's another issue.

lovebug33 · February 2012

I totally get it. I have the up and down cycle. After I see the baby on the u/s, I am fine and think all is well, then the down cycle right before I get to go to the doctor's again. Then, if you read about people who had m/c, it gets more worrisome. I just keep thinking that I am not unusual and it is more unusual than usual to lose your baby after you have seen the h/b. My RE said I had a 1 percent chance of m/c, which means I have a 99 percent chance of not having one. So, some days, I just have to keep chanting those stats in my head repeatedly so that I don't freak out!

lhcooper · February 2012

lovebug33:
My RE said I had a 1 percent chance of m/c, which means I have a 99 percent chance of not having one. So, some days, I just have to keep chanting those stats in my head repeatedly so that I don't freak out!

Thank you for that! I should chant the same thing. My RE did say--when we saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks -- that we had a 96% chance of going to term at that point. I wish I could hang on to that better than I manage to! You are so right on about the up/down cycle.

WhiteGarden · February 2012

There are lots of other posts on this -- it's probably the most common theme on PAIF. I felt the same way you did at 10 weeks-ish. I had almost 0 symptoms and just didn't feel convinced there was a developing baby inside me. I gained a total of 1.5 pounds in my entire first trimester, and it wasn't until after 11 weeks that I started noticing that my skinniest pants didn't quite fit as well (although I was still far from having a round belly by that point).

It's very normal to feel that way -- but just wait until you hear the heartbeat for the first time -- it's much different that simply seeing it. It'll very gradually start to feel real, although I can't tell you that the worry completely goes away. It hasn't completely gone away for me yet, and I'm about in the home stretch. But it does get better, and you will probably start feeling optimistic, in spite of the worry/doubts, soon.

Good luck and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy!

lhcooper · February 2012

Thanks! I've actually gotten to hear the heartbeat at both ultrasounds. You would think that would have helped, I agree.

MrsNap_515 · February 2012

wishing you the best!

my boobs and belly didn't change much until later on, i think it's normal to not always be showing symptoms, everyone's body's react differently...

i'm almost in 3rd trimester & still puking, where most people are done by now LOL every baby is different

wishing you good luck!!!

TJ1979 · February 2012

Hugs. I know, it sucks. We ought to be enjoying this! I hope that you start to feel more and more comfortable as days and ultrasounds go by. Not to be a downer but hopefully to help you prepare, there is a good chance your OB won't do an u/s. They will check the heartbeat though. I bought a doppler and I think it has saved my sanity, but I also know what you mean about how much you would freak out if you couldn't find it. GL.

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