In your opinion, was she rude? — The Bump
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In your opinion, was she rude?

So this was a while back, but one of my relatives was pregnant with her second baby. She was planning a small get together for herself, her close friends, and her family that was in her area. She did not have a baby shower for her first baby.

She sent "invites" over facebook. What she said in her invite was "You are not required to bring gifts as we have everything from baby #1 [she has two girls, so clothes and girly things were handmedowns], but if you absolutely are set on giving us something, we could defiantly use diapers. But you could get us whatever if you absolutely want to get us something."

Does this seem gift-grabby to you? I didn't think it was at the time, but now seeing a few posts on here about being gift grabby, I'm not sure... 

FWIW, I didn't make it to the get together, but MH and I did get her a pack of diapers. 

  

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Re: In your opinion, was she rude?

  • IMO, if it were me, I would've left it at, "No gifts necessary" or something to that effect. I don't know about sounding gift grabby, but the rest just seems unnecessary.
  • I think it would have been best to just leave it at no gifts please because people know if they want to give you something you will not flat out reject them.  That being said, she wasn't so over the top rude that it would turn me off of bringing her anything.

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  • As other posters said, I would have just left it as "No gifts." Likewise, some people would probably bring a gift anyway. Regardless of if it's baby 1 or 3, I typically always bring something. More for my my enjoyment of shopping than anything =P Honestly, I think most people have little to no understanding of etiquette these days and becoming tacky is being more and more of the norm.
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  • Yeah, I don't think it sounds gift-grabby, just awkward and TMI. I bet if she had sent out written invites, she would have edited it down a little bit, but Facebook kind of encourages that stream-of-consciousness. The only gift-grabby part is the fact that this isn't a shower but she's still so fixated on gifts. But I bet she was just overthinking things and trying to be helpful. If it were my "small get together," I wouldn't have mentioned gifts at all; not even to say "No gifts."

    (And yeah, some people would still bring stuff, but so what? Let them have their fun!)

  • image jociejones:

    Yeah, I don't think it sounds gift-grabby, just awkward and TMI.

    But I bet she was just overthinking things and trying to be helpful.

    This.  I think she's trying too hard to say "we dont' need anything, but if you HAVE to bring something....".  And then she's left bascailly tripping over herself!
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  • image EastCoastBride:
    image jociejones:

    Yeah, I don't think it sounds gift-grabby, just awkward and TMI.

    But I bet she was just overthinking things and trying to be helpful.

    This.  I think she's trying too hard to say "we dont' need anything, but if you HAVE to bring something....".  And then she's left bascailly tripping over herself!

    Yep, you two said it best.  She may have mentioned the gift thing because others she had spoken with had brought it up before the e-vite went out. 

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  • image ChristyML:

    Does this seem gift-grabby to you? I didn't think it was at the time, but now seeing a few posts on here about being gift grabby, I'm not sure... 

    FWIW, I didn't make it to the get together, but MH and I did get her a pack of diapers. 

    The gift grabby ones tend to be the "I'm throwing my own shower for #2" or the "it's just a get together but here is my registry info" threads/posts. 

    It sounds like she really just wants a casual get together.  And as I said before the mention of gifts was probably in response to others asking her about them.  

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  • Yeah, what everyone said seems to be right, and she isn't that kind of person, I don't think. She's a cousin in law and I've only been around a handful of times.
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  • Personally, I think it was rude.  Gifts should never be mentioned on an invite, even if it's to say not to bring any.  Then to specify what to bring if you are "absolutely set" on giving something... it's not right, it does put pressure to bring something and to bring what she specified.
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  • Yep! If I would have received that invitation, I would have thought- "oh great, so now I have to go buy something". It's a little rude. Definitely should have just left it at "no gifts necessary"
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  • image Liz4444:
    Personally, I think it was rude.  Gifts should never be mentioned on an invite, even if it's to say not to bring any.  Then to specify what to bring if you are "absolutely set" on giving something... it's not right, it does put pressure to bring something and to bring what she specified.

    I agree with this. If you don't want gifts then bill the event as a get together or BBQ. If you want gifts then bill the event as a shower. It's that simple.  

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  • I agree with Adam&Eve...don't mention gifts if you don't want any.  If you are having a get-together, BBQ, luncheon, etc. then just call it that.  By mentioning gifts at all makes people "think" that maybe they should bring one...kwim?  She wasn't rude...but she sure did say "get us diapers" enough times, to the point people are going to say "enough already!!!".
  • Doesn't sound gift-grabby at all. I don't care for facebook invites, but seeing as if it was not a proper shower, she was not in the wrong.

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  • i agree with PP i would have left it at no gifts required.

    she might not have meant for it to come off as gift grabby but it certainly seems that way! 

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