Been a while... couple more hurdles to clear...

Beckla74 · February 2012

Hi, all!

It's been ages since I've been here and able to take a moment to post. Just wanted to say hello and that it's great to catch up on the stories of the many familiar 'faces.' Here I am, beginning week 13 of this adventure (!) and I don't know about you all, but it's been 13 of the longest (and best, and scariest) weeks of my life.

For those that have followed my saga, I'm still in the weeds at work, and that's been part of the reason for my absence here (not that I expect anyone to have been crying in their cornflakes about it).

But there's been more on our plate and I'm sharing with the WARNING that there is SR mentioned in this post. I know this is an -extremely- sensitive topic and have, to date, stayed quiet on that front, but because this has been such a source of information, support and levity for me throughout our IVF journey, I'm going to go ahead and share a bit more. If the topic bothers you STOP READING HERE - I respect your position and do not want to upset anyone!!!

I was thrilled and stunned to learn that not one, not two, but three of our embies stuck. But the reality for us is that we are just not in the position to have three LO's. It's gut wrenching, believe me, but we are going through SR. I go in tomorrow for CVS and then next week for the other. I'm a basket case of nerves (not outwardly, but...) and though I know that this decision is the one that's best for us, it's still terrifying. I desperately want all to go well, am incredibly sad to be at this place, but wanted to share in case others are facing a similar situation (I welcome advice, even if best shared by PM) and because, though I know that not all will understand/support our decision, this is, as I said, a place where I've found "friends" and support throughout. I appreciate it and hope to find support as I clear these last two big hurdles.

Hugs to all.

GypsyEsq · February 2012

I completely understand Beckla, it is a hard choice to proceed with a triplet pregnancy or not. I'm sure you have had many sleepless nights. (((Hugs))) to you and best of luck in this next part of your journey.

ELF4321 · February 2012

It's a really hard decision to make, but it will give the other two a better chance of being healthy and full term.

bumpuser6119831 · February 2012

I am sure it was not a easy decision to make but good luck in the coming days and I hope everything goes well!

labbylover03 · February 2012

I can't imagine how hard this decision was for you and YH. Thinking about you as you go through this difficult time. ((hugs))

love2b_mrst · February 2012

This is a very personal decision, and FWIW I am not against SR. But I really don't understand why you would transfer back 3 embies on your first IVF if you weren't prepared for the possible outcome of 3 babies? It seems like a lot of heartache and stress that could have been avoided from the beginning. Did you RE advise to transfer 3?

I'm not trying to be a b!tch, just trying to understand. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, but I am a bit surprised because in your prior posts you gave no indication that this was on your mind.

babystinkbreath · February 2012

i can't imagine how hard this must be for you but good luck moving forward. hugs.

GypsyEsq · February 2012

love2b_mrst:
This is a very personal decision, and FWIW I am not against SR. But I really don't understand why you would transfer back 3 embies on your first IVF if you weren't prepared for the possible outcome of 3 babies? It seems like a lot of heartache and stress that could have been avoided from the beginning. Did you RE advise to transfer 3?

I'm not trying to be a b!tch, just trying to understand. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, but I am a bit surprised because in your prior posts you gave no indication that this was on your mind.

I don't think this is really fair and it is a tad b!tchy whether that's your intent or not. Obviously Beckla can answer if she wants but I can tell you most triplet pregnancies are counseled about SR from the moment three sacs are visualized. We don't have a large SR community on The Bump but other forums have literally 1000s of posts of the subject. Many people choose simply to never talk about it until they've made a decision. Why not just assume they had a reason to transfer 3 and lend support or not respond?

amandaleigh1 · February 2012

What a heart-wrenchingly difficult decision you have had to make. I understand why you have decided to move forward and I completely support you in your decision. You are giving you and your babies the best chance for a healthy pregnancy and life. ((hugs))

love2b_mrst · February 2012

GypsyEsq:
love2b_mrst:

This is a very personal decision, and FWIW I am not against SR. But I really don't understand why you would transfer back 3 embies on your first IVF if you weren't prepared for the possible outcome of 3 babies? It seems like a lot of heartache and stress that could have been avoided from the beginning. Did you RE advise to transfer 3?

I'm not trying to be a b!tch, just trying to understand. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, but I am a bit surprised because in your prior posts you gave no indication that this was on your mind.

I don't think this is really fair and it is a tad b!tchy whether that's your intent or not. Obviously Beckla can answer if she wants but I can tell you most triplet pregnancies are counseled about SR from the moment three sacs are visualized. We don't have a large SR community on The Bump but other forums have literally 1000s of posts of the subject. Many people choose simply to never talk about it until they've made a decision. Why not just assume they had a reason to transfer 3 and lend support or not respond?

If Beckla doesn't want to answer she doesn't have to answer. If someone asks me to support them in a decision they have made that I don't fully understand, I ask questions. When you announce in a forum full of women who have gone to hell and back to have a baby that you aren't in a position to keep them all (which is what she said...nothing about health or anything like that) it is hard not to have questions.

GypsyEsq · February 2012

love2b_mrst:
GypsyEsq:
love2b_mrst:

This is a very personal decision, and FWIW I am not against SR. But I really don't understand why you would transfer back 3 embies on your first IVF if you weren't prepared for the possible outcome of 3 babies? It seems like a lot of heartache and stress that could have been avoided from the beginning. Did you RE advise to transfer 3?

I'm not trying to be a b!tch, just trying to understand. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, but I am a bit surprised because in your prior posts you gave no indication that this was on your mind.

I don't think this is really fair and it is a tad b!tchy whether that's your intent or not. Obviously Beckla can answer if she wants but I can tell you most triplet pregnancies are counseled about SR from the moment three sacs are visualized. We don't have a large SR community on The Bump but other forums have literally 1000s of posts of the subject. Many people choose simply to never talk about it until they've made a decision. Why not just assume they had a reason to transfer 3 and lend support or not respond?

If Beckla doesn't want to answer she doesn't have to answer. If someone asks me to support them in a decision they have made that I don't fully understand, I ask questions. When you announce in a forum full of women who have gone to hell and back to have a baby that you aren't in a position to keep them all (which is what she said...nothing about health or anything like that) it is hard not to have questions.

So you don't support her but just want to know to satisfy your own curiosity. That's awesome. Rest assured all triplet pregnancies are high risk. To the mother and the babies. That goes without saying. Obviously I take what you're saying here personally. Having never been in our situation, and clearly not intending to offer any support, why don't you just leave it?

ELF4321 · February 2012

love2b_mrst:

This is a very personal decision, and FWIW I am not against SR. But I really don't understand why you would transfer back 3 embies on your first IVF if you weren't prepared for the possible outcome of 3 babies? It seems like a lot of heartache and stress that could have been avoided from the beginning. Did you RE advise to transfer 3?

I'm not trying to be a b!tch, just trying to understand. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, but I am a bit surprised because in your prior posts you gave no indication that this was on your mind.

ASRM guidelines actually call for transferring 3 embies (if doing a 3dt) for a 37 year old with a poor prognosis (note she's been TTC since 2005 -- 6 years with no successful pregnancy = poor prognosis). The odds of all three sticking were almost zero, she just happened to fall into the very small percentage of people who do have all three stick.

And as to how many to transfer on a "first IVF", most people can't afford to do multiple IVFs. I know we couldn't have afforded more than one shot at the apple. So if ASRM guidelines called for transferring 3, I think many (if not most) people would have done the same thing.

TJ1979 · February 2012

I'm sorry for what you must be going through, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and YH. GL with everything.

lovebug33 · February 2012

Although, it is also up to the RE. My RE does not put more than two in, no matter prognosis or age because he wants to limit the chance of triplet pregnancies. Obviously, if you put two in you could have three, but it is less likely. Just saying.

Sorry you have to make this decision Beckla. I hope everything goes well.

love2b_mrst · February 2012

GypsyEsq:
love2b_mrst:
GypsyEsq:
love2b_mrst:

This is a very personal decision, and FWIW I am not against SR. But I really don't understand why you would transfer back 3 embies on your first IVF if you weren't prepared for the possible outcome of 3 babies? It seems like a lot of heartache and stress that could have been avoided from the beginning. Did you RE advise to transfer 3?

I'm not trying to be a b!tch, just trying to understand. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision, but I am a bit surprised because in your prior posts you gave no indication that this was on your mind.

I don't think this is really fair and it is a tad b!tchy whether that's your intent or not. Obviously Beckla can answer if she wants but I can tell you most triplet pregnancies are counseled about SR from the moment three sacs are visualized. We don't have a large SR community on The Bump but other forums have literally 1000s of posts of the subject. Many people choose simply to never talk about it until they've made a decision. Why not just assume they had a reason to transfer 3 and lend support or not respond?

If Beckla doesn't want to answer she doesn't have to answer. If someone asks me to support them in a decision they have made that I don't fully understand, I ask questions. When you announce in a forum full of women who have gone to hell and back to have a baby that you aren't in a position to keep them all (which is what she said...nothing about health or anything like that) it is hard not to have questions.

So you don't support her but just want to know to satisfy your own curiosity. That's awesome. Rest assured all triplet pregnancies are high risk. To the mother and the babies. That goes without saying. Obviously I take what you're saying here personally. Having never been in our situation, and clearly not intending to offer any support, why don't you just leave it?

I guess I should have just left it. Usually with posts like this I do (and guess I should stick to that)...but I wanted to understand, and I feel if you put it out there on a public message board and ask people to support you, you should be willing to explain so people can understand where you are coming from. And I am not "clearly not intending to offer support", I just asked a question. I have supported others in the past who did SR. Maybe the wording of this or the fact that all other posts Beckla has made have been in excitement for the 3 babies on the way...this post was a total 180 from all of those, and it surprised me.

And I have not said one personal thing towards you, so I'm not sure why you are are taking it personally.

drubie · February 2012

While no one wants to make this decision, it sounds like it's the right one for you and your family. I know that if I were in your shoes, I would likely have made the same decision, in order to protect the health of the remaining little ones. You have my full support in this, and I'm sending you positive vibes.

KaliChick · February 2012

I'm so sorry you are faced with this decision and wish you lots of peace and comfort.

mandalinn25 · February 2012

My thoughts are with you sweetie. Huge hugs!

Beckla74 · February 2012

Good morning.

First, thank you. To those that read, offered support (which, to be clear, I truly appreciate but by no means -expected- from anyone).

Guys, the LAST thing I wanted to do was to stir up controversy here. To the point raised that I never mentioned any of this before... that's exactly why. This has been a decision with which we've struggled mightly from day one. But, as was said, after 6 years of trying, an earlier m/c in my 20's, this was our first and only shot ($) at IVF and our dream of being parents. We took the steps that our doctor recommended to us, based on his knowledge of our specifics. Hindsight is 20/20.

I won't spend a lot of time defending/rationalizing this. I'll simply reiterate that I respect everyone's independent views but missed 'talking' to this crew of people who've been there with me since the early days. Many thanks to all who responded.

missjul61 · February 2012

Big hugs during this difficult time.

blueberries8 · February 2012

Hi Beckla, good to hear from you! You are in my thoughts - I know this must be an incredibly difficult and bittersweet time for you and your DH. Let us know how everything goes. I don't judge you for a moment and I applaud you for being open about it - I feel like it's something that doesn't get talked about on the Bump a lot, but it is obviously a very real issue and decision faced by many women who conceive via ART.