Am I over thinking this? — The Bump
Baby Showers

Am I over thinking this?

I was recently (couple months ago) one of 12 hostesses at a large shower.  There was one "head" hostess who coordinated and assigned duties. 

I just want some extra opinions about these 2 issues.  Maybe I am just lazy or old fashioned. 

1.  The "head" hostess is very into entertaining.  She brought her glass serving plates, cups, and saucers.  It was very nice however those of us in charge of clean up had to hand wash 75 of each of these items including serving pieces, forks, knives etc.  After washing it, it had to be wrapped and packed back into their plastic tubs. 

At the time I was 5 months pregnant and it totally exhausted me.  Was this a lot of unnecessary work or was I just grumpy about it because I was pregant. 

2.  There were tables set up where 3 hostesses were assigned gift opening and recording.  Basically, they opened everything, wrote it down and set it aside.  I did not see anything due to the extreme dish washing duties. 

I hear this is a new trend in showers but it seems so impersonal and tacky. 

 All opinions welcome!

Re: Am I over thinking this?

  • 1. I think it's very nice to have fine china and sterling silver at showers. She should have been part of the clean up crew though and cleaning up doesn't happen until the shower is over.

    2. That is awful. 

  • Hosting is a lot of hard work and responsibility, but it's also supposed to be enjoyable. Ugh. It doesn't sound like the main hostess cared about that at all and just doled out some chores to the other hostesses. And 3 hostesses opened the gifts? So the MTB didn't even open her own gifts?! That's just strange. Unless i've missed something, i agree that it's tacky and very impersonal.
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  • Yeah why didn't you wait to clean after the party? Strange. 
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  • The cleaning up was after the party.  I probably did not explain it well.  We did have to start when a few of the MTB's family members were still hanging out at the end.  They stayed about 40 minutes after all the rest of the guests had left. 

     

  • image sunnyt154:

    2.  There were tables set up where 3 hostesses were assigned gift opening and recording.  Basically, they opened everything, wrote it down and set it aside.  I did not see anything due to the extreme dish washing duties. 

    I hear this is a new trend in showers but it seems so impersonal and tacky. 

    All opinions welcome!

    Oh hell to the no. Someone else opening gifts at a shower? Did they also fan the MTB with a palm leaf and feed her grapes on a golden litter? :) I've heard about the "no wrapping, put the present on the baby offering table" thing that's been trending at showers and I think that's disgusting. If you're not going to open presents at your shower by choice, you don't deserve to get any. Just my super snarky $0.02.

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  • I think the glass dishes sound like a nice touch, but with 75 pieces of each there should have been some more helpers with the clean-up. The three hostesses opening gifts sounds horrible and tacky. As the mtb, I loved opening my gifts and seeing what people got me, I couldn't imagine someone else doing this for me!
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  • 1.  ALL clean-up should have been done after the shower was over so there should have been 12 people cleaning up (unless a few were helping load stuff in the MTB's car).  That should still leave 6-8 doing the dishes.  Also, with that many dishes and the fact they needed to be dried and packed there should have been shifts.  You should have just said..."I'm exhausted...someone will have to take over for me" and walked out of the kitchen.  I woul dhave done that even if I wasn't pregnant.

    2.  That should have NEVER happened.  I would have been very upset if someone other than the MTB (or in some cases the FTB) opened the gift I brought.  I'd make sure everyone knew I was upset too.  I don't hide my feelings very often.  lol

    If you were not doing dishes until after the shower why didn't you get to see the gifts?  Did they set them on a table or anything?  What were the guests doing while this was going on?  Just sounds really impersonal and tacky like you said.

  • Why the hell did they make the pregnant girl do the dishes??!! Even though the hostesses opening gifts is hideous, you should have been able to do that so you could at least sit down for awhile!!
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  • 1- I agree w/ many of the others.  It's nice to have nice dishes, but a different system should have been set up.  And you coul dhave said "Sorry- I can't do all these dishes.  I need to sit down.".

    2- tacky, tacky, tacky.  I honestly would be REALLY put off if I knew someone else opened a gift I gave to the mother to be.

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  • I'm basing my response on my understanding of your post which is that you were pregnant and helping host for another pregnant friend. 

    1.  The china was nice, when you agree to help host you agree to some clean up.  If you really couldn't take it, you should have said something or offered to do something else.

    2.  The important thing is that the MTB saw and thanked everyone for their gift, maybe your cleaning duties could have started a little later, but again, as host you give up some of your rights to enjoy the party as a guest would. ETA: I thought the complaint here was about op not seeing the gift opening at all, I agree with pp that a gift opening factory line is totally inappropriate.


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  • Thanks ladies. 

    Just to clarify - the dish washing started after the shower was over but when guests started finishing we had to go around and begin collecting the dishes which started very early in the shower. 

    I do think if I was not pregnant the dish washing would not have been such a big deal to me. 

    As for the gift opening, I would never recommend anyone doing this at a shower.  This was a very classy shower and the gift table ruined it.  I know for a fact the MTB did not even know what she got until she unpacked everything at home. 

    Next time I will make sure I am on set up rather than clean up!

  • Could be worse... the hostess of my bridal shower left before cleanup was complete. In fact, I stayed longer than everyone else to clean up. We are no longer friends (though, not because of that event). =P

    China at a shower is always nice. I wouldn't necessarily be annoyed at having to do that but annoyed that you didn't get to participate in the gift opening. Likewise, maybe I missed it but... were the gifts opened in front of guests??

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  • What was the mother-to-be doing while the gifts were being opened?  
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  • The gifts were opened while the guests were eating.  I felt bad for some of them that only knew the MTB.  They had nothing to do or no one to talk to after eating. 

    The MTB was visiting with her guests while the gifts were opened.  This was the reason for the gift opening hostesses - so she would have time to talk.

  • Ugh!!  The gift opening thing sounds awful!!  I have never seen that - every shower I have been to for bridal or baby the guest of honor has opened her own gifts.  Although, I know someone who says it is common among her circle of friends for the BTB or MTB to have people help her open.  aka someone opens the card, someone opens the gift and then passes it to the BTB or MTB and they hold the gift up.  I think that is in poor taste too.  The guest of honor should open their own gifts.  Sure, someone can hand it to them and someone can put it aside, but they should do the actual unwrapping. 

    As for the dishes - it seems excessive that a few people had to do all the dishes.  All 12 people should have taken turns and I agree that you shouldn't have been expected to stand on your feet for so long. 

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  • image davisas2323:
    image sunnyt154:

    2.  There were tables set up where 3 hostesses were assigned gift opening and recording.  Basically, they opened everything, wrote it down and set it aside.  I did not see anything due to the extreme dish washing duties. 

    I hear this is a new trend in showers but it seems so impersonal and tacky. 

    All opinions welcome!

    Oh hell to the no. Someone else opening gifts at a shower? Did they also fan the MTB with a palm leaf and feed her grapes on a golden litter? :) I've heard about the "no wrapping, put the present on the baby offering table" thing that's been trending at showers and I think that's disgusting. If you're not going to open presents at your shower by choice, you don't deserve to get any. Just my super snarky $0.02.

    Totally agree!

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