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Babies on the Brain
RTEbersole
member
Just need some support
RTEbersole
member
Last night it hit me that I may never get pregnant and that made me very depressed. My husband and I have been together over 4 years, married 10 months. Despite the fact that my husband has always been against having babies (even though he has used words like 'if we have a baby') neither one of us has used any protection. I think we both figured it will happen when and if it happens, but now I don't think it will happen. DH finally went to the doctor yesterday and although it is not confirmed with a blood test yet, he has low T. Everywhere I read stated that men with low T usually already has low sperm count and once they get on hormone replacement their sperm count decreases dramatically, many to zero. I stated to my DH that the only way that we may get pregnant is if we try and he said that he may never be ready to try. Even though the thought of having a baby scares the crap out of me (like I'm sure with many others) and many times seeing other peoples kids makes me want to rip out my own uterus, I really want to have a baby with my husband. I know we are not ready yet for a baby but I am devastated that the option of having a baby in the future may be gone.
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Re: Just need some support
This is not meant to be snarky in any way, but I would be a lot more concerned about my husband being against the idea altogether than him having low T. That's probably something that I would have had a really long conversation with him about before we got married in the first place.
If you guys do end up coming to a mutual decision that you want to have a child, I would suggest charting or just paying close attention to your fertility signs so that you have sex during the most optimal times during your cycle and as PPs have stated, there are treatments out there for men with low-T. Before you get to that point though, it sounds like you have some deeper issues to discuss.
Good luck.
Low testosterone is far from a death sentence.
A husband who doesn't want children- much more of an issue.
This.
And if he REALLY doesn't want kids then you need to start using protection. Kids when one spouse says they never want them is a good way to make a marriage fail.
I would not have married my husband if I knew he didn't want kids. That was something that we discussed before getting engaged.
That being said, MH is just below normal for T. Pulling random numbers, but say 40 is the lowest part of normal, he has 35. Now I know that's not terrible, but it's still below normal. I went online and found some natural remedies a few years ago and now we have two children.
Not always... DH has LowT and has for YEARS. So low infact that the doctors say they have never seen it so low and all his years of practice. He is getting weekly shots to elevate it, but it is still very low.
Also, please see outdated siggy pic, I assure you she is my husband's child.
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. While you both definitely need to have a long hard conversation about wanting kids, you may want to see a couples' counsellor. I'm sure they'd have lots of experience with spouses disagreeing about kids, and might uncover why he really doesn't want them (if that's truly the case, he may just have some issues he needs to deal with).
You probably should have discussed it before getting married.
And I can guess all day long as to what my husband's ulterior motives and desires are but at the end of the day, even as educated as they are, they are still just guesses.
So, get on some birth control and talk to your husband. And don't get off birth control until there is a clear decision made about the reproductive future.
I haven't been on birth control since before my husband and I got together (which he has known about and yet he has thrown caution to the wind all the time which a man that trully never wants a baby would ever do) and not even possibility of being pregnant so needless to say that is pointless to do. Honestly I'm regretting even posting anything because this was not meant for you guys to nit pick my relationship which is doing great it was to get advice on handle the possibility of never being able to be pregnant. Despite the fact that both our reactions will be 'oh sh*t!' IF i ever got pregant we would both be happy and good parents.