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Attachment Parenting
3003girl
member
let's talk about play - long and rambling.
3003girl
member
Sorry this is long and rambling, but I would love to start a discussion - feel free to comment on anything related!
So DH and I got into a discussion last night about play - and what type of play LO is capable of. (some backstory - I work from home, DH watches LO most of the time, we have a sitter who comes with her kiddo for 15 hours a week so DH can get some work done also. So there is a lot of time DH has to be with LO and occupy her.)
I saw a cool painting easel on the Play at Home Moms blog - it's plexiglass so the kiddo paints on it and it is see through - I thought it was really neat. I brought it up to DH and he said he doesn't think she's capable of playing with it. She's 19 months. My first reaction was WTF? But we talked about it and he said she would just take the brushes and run to the kitchen and paint the cupboards or something. Or she would just last 5 minutes.
Granted, that could be true. But perhaps the next time she goes to paint she will be engaged longer. I see her being able to focus on something for 15-20 minutes as a great time, while he sees it as a waste of effort.
DH is also anti-toy. He doesn't want to buy toys for her - his reasoning is that she is too young for toys and she can play with things around the house - like bowls or dirt outside. Which is great - but I think toys and planned activities are good for her at this age.
It's hard because I would love to do so many things with LO - like bake (we made cutout cookies for Christmas and she had a blast), paint, build with blocks, color, etc. but I am stuck working. And DH complains that it's so hard to occupy her.
I guess what I want to hear from all of you is - how do you play with your kiddo - how old are they - and do you offer planned activities or toys? And does your DH have different expectations?
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Re: let's talk about play - long and rambling.
DS2 is 20 months, so I have one your age. But he is my second, so there are PLENTY of toys around for him to play with. The other day I was thinking about bringing up the easel or breaking out the finger paints for DS1 and DS2 to paint... but then I had the same thoughts as your DH w/r/t paints and I just didn't want the mess. When my first was about this age, I did do things like that with him... but looking back, I laugh at myself. They are still babies right now. As much as we want to engage them and let them explore, sometimes what we WANT to do with them in reality is a little much. DS1 is finally at an age (5) that he can do all of the things I want to do (and sadly, I rarely have time to engage him in those things because DS2 will be all over that).
But your DH saying it is hard to occupy her makes me give the side eye, because there are a TON of things you can do with them at this age (just that they have short attention spans and you have to keep switching it up). For example, DS2 loves to dress up in costumes... if you don't have any kids costumes, I think that would be something to think about, but for now try letting him play with some of your things. My shoes and DH shoes are always all around the house b/c DS2 is plodding around in them and he loves to get his hands on Daddy's ties, our oven mitts, aprons, etc. Also, anything that makes noise. I would invest in some nice music things (shaker eggs, etc.) and for now you can use pans and wooden spoons or whatever. I turn on music and DS2 LOVES to dance around and randomly pick up something to play along to the music. At the end of the day, when I am at my wits end with the kids, I yell out that it is time for a dance party and they love it. DS2 points to the stereo 2 or 3 times a day now to ask me to turn it on. Your idea of blocks is actually a good one. I had some foam ones for DS1, but he didn't really play much until we got the wooden ones when he was 3 and then he did it a ton, but DS2 is already building towers with the wooden blocks, so maybe we should have gotten them for DS1 sooner.
Gotta run, baby is crying, but hopefully that helps with a couple of ideas. This age is fun and there are a lot of things they would like to do, so I am with you.. on the other hand, a bunch of toys aren't really necessary to entertain them so I am with your DH on that one
I think my DH does expect Owen to occupy himself more than I do... and being as he's only almost 9 months, he really needs quite a bit of entertaining. He can spend quite a bit of time just playing on the floor with his toys (some of which are toys and some of which are household debris like bowls and toilet paper tubes).
Is there a toy library in your city? I'm thinking of joining ours because he does get bored with things so quickly. For $50, I could have "new" toys for a year. Seems like a bargain, and I don't have to find a place to store the rejects.
I'm off until LO is a year, and frankly, I have to get out of the house or have someone over most days or I start feeling trapped and bored and like LO just wants too much. He's happier and I'm happier if we go out. I have quite a few other parents to do stuff with, and I've found a lot of free places to go (library, play area at the mall, various mom groups) to keep us both occupied.
One of the things the Play at Home moms emphasize often is trusting your kid and teaching them what to do with stuff. Sounds like you want to put that effort in and let her play with things that are a stretch (like paint) and your DH just sees the potential mess. It's hard, because really you're both right. It is good for her, and it is probably messy.
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I have bought so many art supplies for DS. And even at the age of almost 3, he only uses them for 5 minutes. He just doesn't love art that much yet. I would be surprised to see a 19 month old painting on an easel for 15 or 20 minutes straight. Of course, now someone is going to post about their similar aged child that paints for hours on end, but in general, kids at that age don't maintain focus for that long on such a creative activity. They aren't capable of using symbolism or recreating images on paper yet. They smoosh some paint on the paper, it looks neat, it's a different sensory experience, and then they are done. They aren't drawing pictures of their family or a beach scene.
Also, we don't do planned activities. If someone wants to read, we read. If someone wants to play music, we play music. We have different things we attend during the week, such as Playgroup and a music class, but I don't ever sit them down and do crafts to teach them about the different seasons or something.
We do have toys though...shaper sorters and stacking cups and instruments and dolls and cars. I think those are useful for toddlers, although they can live without them, for sure.
haha - yeah, I'm not expecting a beach scene. LO does color with markers for periods of time. She is not coloring the whole time, but also plays with the paper, takes the caps on and off the markers, asks me to draw her stuff (fish, heart, star, tree) and we have a great time - sometimes. Other times its 2 minutes and done.
But if I would never present her with the markers, she would never go to her.
I guess that is more of my question - do you present your kids with activities or expect them to figure out what to play with by themselves?
I'm not really into planned activities - like, we are going to paint and draw fish today. But I think giving them paint and paper is a good idea every once in a while while looking for something to do. DH is more of the "I'll follow LO around the house and make sure she doesn't get hurt/get into anything dangerous" but he rarely directs her into any activity. I think part of it is that it would add some work into his day (but possibly relieve some stress) , and the other part of it is that he gets frustrated if she doesn't like the activity he presents.
I am going to make one - hopefully in Feb or March (we are traveling right now)
That was another thing I mentioned to DH and he was not into it at all. But I'm just going to do it.
I think kids - especially only/eldest need a mix of playing alone and playing with a parent. They need to see some things modeled to know how to do them.
One of the coolest things I've seen lately is yogurt finger paint - just add food color to yogurt and then paint on paper, the high chair tray, or the tub. My LO is too young to appreciate it, but I think it's great.
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I have all of the messy art supplies in a clear plastic bin. DS is old enough to ask to do something, but when DD is older, she could tap on the bin and I could open it up. Everything except scissors is kept accessible.
Does your DH take your LO to activities outside the house? I think this is so important. Taking them out into the world and experiencing different places and things. Like a music class...the one we go to is structured, but I don't have to worry about the clean up.
Good idea about the bin. But all we have so far is washable markers, so it would be a pretty empty bin!
FWIW, even though DH is not into the idea of painting, I'm going to bo buy some supplies and paint with her one of these weekends. Then if she asks while she is with him, he can decide what he wants to do.
DH and LO spend most of their time outside the house. They play outside all the time, as long as it's not too cold. We live in the sticks, so he was taking her to a music class, but it was 1 hour away. I think we will sign up for that in the spring again - they both really liked it. He generally does not seek stuff out to do though - there is a gymnastics "class" about 45 minutes away I have told him about but he never pursued it. And library story time - he never goes to that either.
Good point!
Another way to think about the easel or other toys that are a bit "too old" for your kid... if you get them before they are quite ready, then you have them ready to go for when your kid gets it. If you don't have it already, then you might miss some/most/all of the age that the toy would have been at its best. At 19mo DD got a play kitchen. And she played with it from the start and pretended to cook, but it was almost a year later when she got into really elaborate pretend play with the food and made us elaborate meals and picnics. When she started out, maybe she did only play with it for 10 minutes... but it was probably 10 minutes 3 or 4 x a day. I think your DH might be surprised what she is capable of and what holds her interest - I know my kids have surprised me many times!
Oh, and for the art... they make washable paint too (watercolor and fingerpaint). Or you can get color wonder stuff that won't show up at all unless it's on special paper.
When I stayed home more, I tried to have one planned activity a day. Not necessarily anything huge, but something. It added some structure to the day and gave us something to do after nap time.
Good idea about leaving stuff out for them as invitations.
We have a few of the wooden puzzles that are basically matching type games. doug and melissa - you take the cow out and there is a picture of the cow underneath. LO loves them and can do the three that we have over and over. I would like to get more, and some that are the two piece puzzle piece ones - like with the alphabet and such.