January 2011 Moms

Hard question

No one likes to talk about this, but I'm just wondering what plans do you have for your child/children if something should happen to you & your SO?
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Re: Hard question

  • We suck - we have not ever done this.  When Justin was a bit younger we approached a couple in our Sunday School class who we weree very close to because we did not feel like any of our siblings would be good and our parents were too old.  They never responded, which hurt badly.  We've just stuck our heads in the sand and now I really worry since we are so much older and have Joshua. 
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  • Right now our children would go to DH's sister and her H. They have 2 boys (4 & 2 yo) They live within 45 minutes of my family and 2 hours of DH's. 

    DH and I both agree that we want them to go to my younger sister and her BF once they are out of college and married. Problem is there is no way to delicately go about changing caretakers. My friend said we should just put it in the will (my sis & her BF already know of our wishes) and if something happens then we won't have to deal with it. But I don't want to leave behind nasty tension between our families when they get along so well now and I want them to continue doing so for our children. I also would never want to hurt my SIL's feelings. 

    The reason we prefer my sister & her BF is that they have pretty much identical beliefs and views on raising children & life in general, as well as being very similar in their hobbies and things they like to do.  

    Also this is my 3rd sister. So I know my 2nd sister will be livid and hurt about all of this as well.  

    Any advice? What are you doing? 

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  • We were going to draw up a will when DH was told he was deploying last year, but then he didn't go. Then we got a BFP. Now we're waiting for this one to be born. Anyways...

    We plan on assigning my sister and BIL as their legal guardians. My sister loves DD like she's her own and I can't imagine her going to anyone else. We didn't want to pick any of our parents for a couple reasons. One, it'd be too hard to choose between the three of them. And two, we'd want whoever gets the kids to raise them through high school. I'd hate for them to have to be moved again if something happened to our parents. I know anything could happen to anyone, including my sister, but the risk is much lower with a young couple.

    DH also needs to update his life insurance so the kids will get it if I'm not around.

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  • We spent some time discussing it, and then decided we had no idea so we haven't done anything about it.

    My sister and her husband are probably the closest match to how we would do things. They already have 3 kids and they would technically have space for DD if it was necessary. She and I have a difficult relationship though and I would feel weird asking her.

    I have 2 younger brothers too and I think in a few years they might be prepared to take the responsibility of a kid, but definitely not right now.

    DH has a sister who is terrible in a million ways and I would not want her to take custody (and I don't know that she'd want to anyway) so we should probably do something about this.

         
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    DD1: born 1/19/11. DD2: born 10/10/13
  • If my parents are alive and well, my parents will assume guardianship. If they are not, my brother and his wife step in.
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  • We've gotten as far as saying we need to figure this out.  I have no idea who we'd pick.  My sister & BIL would be an obvious choice but they already have 3 kids, and is super busy working full-time and kid activities.  My BIL & SIL have 4 kids so it's kind of the same thing, plus we don't see eye to eye on raising children.  It's a tough decision, especially because so many things can change through the years.

     

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  • We have a Will & DH has life insurance right now. Hoping to get me LI too this year. We need to update our will though once this baby arrives.
  • It's still in discussion.  We both feel like leaving 2 children to either of our moms isn't right because they are already 50 and would be almost 70 when the kids graduate high school.  Plus they are both single and would be single mothers, again.  We didn't even discus BIL and his wife because that's already a messed up situation.  Then we thought about one of DH's close friends and while we feel like they would be amazing parents to our children if we couldn't and we know they would do it, they are about to have their 4th child and we feel like it's just asking to much of them.  In the perfect world my best friend and DH's best friend would fall in love and get married so they could take them because together, they would be perfect.  Right now he's a bachelor and already loves E like she's his little sister and would try his best but he has no clue about anything that has to do with kids and my best friend has 2 LO's of her own but her ex is in jail and she doesn't have the financial means to take care of her own so she's back living with her parents.  She treats E like she's one of her own though and has already told me she would do everything in her power to make sure they are loved and taken care of. 

    I guess what I'm saying is...we have no idea. 

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  • H always had life ins through work, but after we had LO I got it too. If anything happens to both of us, she will go to the middle sister. The one with the twins and one due any day.

    Yep, we/she is crazy, but she best fits what we want for Whitney, that is why also chose them as God parents.

    I suppose I should designate any money left over to purchase my sister a small school bus to shuttle these children around, and lots of hair dye to cover the grey ;-)



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  • None of our siblings are in a good spot to take Addison. The ones that I would love to have Addison lives 2 hours away from everyone and I think after losing us it would be hard to uproot her to a new place just for the sake of it. So right now my parents would be taking her until either my brother gets settled down or DH's siblings get their act together. 
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  • H's sister &her H get Joaquin. They have a son who turns 2 next week, and they have relatively similar outlooks onmost things. We get their kids if they both die, too. If we die andd they die, Joaquin goes to my aunts. MIL is running down, so to speak, and my parents are hoarders, so no.

    H and I both have a half mil in life insurance so she's not in H's words, going to be a penniless urchin in a basket on the doorstep. This is in addition to her trust/savings account. Financially she'd be totally set up if we kick it, heh.
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  • We have a million dollars in life insurance and have asked H's sister to be her guardian.
  • imagebroccolitree:
    H's sister &her H get Joaquin. They have a son who turns 2 next week, and they have relatively similar outlooks onmost things. We get their kids if they both die, too. If we die andd they die, Joaquin goes to my aunts. MIL is running down, so to speak, and my parents are hoarders, so no.

    H and I both have a half mil in life insurance so she's not in H's words, going to be a penniless urchin in a basket on the doorstep. This is in addition to her trust/savings account. Financially she'd be totally set up if we kick it, heh.

    I basically said this to our financial guy too and he gave me a weird look. I was obviously kidding, but our kids will be financially far better off without us! Which is why I'm far more concerned about who they end up with based on personality and beliefs.

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  • I've brought this up to DH several times (both LI and guardians) and he chooses not to discuss it. At all. 

    And to be honest, I don't really know who should get my kids. My brother would be ideal once he gets his life together (he's 23 and a bachelor but I love his gf) but until they are committed I have a hard time picking him. They could end up NOT together, of course! But she may not be able to have kids on her own so they would be perfect.

    I don't really know how we would go without JT. He's always with us...but I guess I shouldn't be naive. 

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