- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Baby Showers
What should I do with my mother-in-law!
My mom is planning on giving me a baby shower. She is very excited about it. It is her first grandchild and this is very special to her. But I feel like my mother-in-law is trying to take over but I'm not so sure. I know you don't know my MIL's personality, but she is very overbearing and controlling. She practically planned my entire wedding...she's quite the little party planner and she's very extravagant. I know she loves & cares about me and I should be grateful to have such a wonderful MIL...but I am just afraid that she is going to try to step on my mom's toes. I don't want her to take this away from my mom. I want this to be my mom's thing. I know this sounds harsh, but I almost don't want to include my MIL in the planning. I know she wants to help, but she is so controlling that I can see her making all the decisions and bossing my poor mother around. I feel like it would be better if she just stays out of it. Less stress on everyone. I would tell her our plans, but I don't really think she needs to help us plan it unless we need help. Is that wrong to do? I mean, isn't it customary for the mother to do all the planning and coordinating, without the MIL's help or input?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What should I do with my mother-in-law!
There is no reason why you have to include your MIL in the planning. You know how she is - you know what including her will do. So... dont' do it. Has she out and out offered to cohost, or is she just asking "to help".
If she's just asking to help/ "what can i do?", just gently push her off w/ "oh, that's sweet, but my mom has everything under control. If anything comes up, we'll be sure to let you know!" smile and move on.
I would get as much done/planned/paid for as possible, then maybe at the "last minute", come up w/ something that she can do.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Hehehe! My thought exactly
Thank you!
She hasn't come right out and offered to "co-host" but she has offered to either split the cost or to pay for the entire shower herself. I know it's extremely generous of her because my mom doesn't have a lot of money...but still, I just feel like it might be her way of taking over. I hate to sound like I'm ungrateful, because honestly I love my MIL and appreciate everything she does for me! Like you said, I know how she can be and I know what she will try to do. I told her already that my mom has it all under control, and she keeps asking if we need help. I keep telling her we are good and if we need help, we will let her know. But she keeps asking... like she doesn't like that she's not being included or like she wants us to include her really bad. It makes me feel terrible but I just know what including her will do and I don't want that to happen. Oh well. I agree, I'll probably get everything planned with my mom and at the last minute give her a couple things to do so she feels like she was a part of it too. Thank you!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yes, she is aware that money is tight for my parents. I am sure that's why she is offering. I agree, I'll be sure to throw that it into conversation with my MIL when she asks me if she can help... I want her to realize that this is very special and important to my mom and it's something she really wants to do for me. Thanks!
It does sound like your MIL is genuine in wanting to do something for you, maybe you could throw her a bone and let her do something? She might be happy to have a project like doing centerpieces or favors or something, and not at the last minute. It might keep her busy, and would be one less thing for your mom to have to pay for.
This. If she wants to plan one for you let her.
Just keep her out of the loop on the planning and don't talk about it around her. If you bring up ANYTHING that's going on...trouble getting the cake made...issues with the invitations...people not RSVPing......WHATEVER it may be, you are essentially letting her know that her opinions count.
If she contacts your mother asking what still needs to be done for the planning, just have your mom simply tell her, "everything is handled but thank you for the offer." All she needs to do is show up like any other guest.
I know it wouldn't be her intention, but it would be sad if your mother felt offended or ashamed by your MIL's offer to pay for the shower. I think what the PP above suggested you say is great. That way you can avoid drama and any potential hurt feelings and just invite your MIL to enjoy the shower. If she will go nuts by not doing something, the other PP's suggestion of letting her take care of the cake and maybe the centerpieces or game prizes would be an easy hand off. Good luck!
It sounds like your Mom and MIL should be having this dialogue. You shouldn't have to deal with the questions from MIL. I think keeping it all on the DL sounds like the way to go.
My StepMom's throwing my party (Mom's gone) and she told me upfront that if my MIL wants to be involved tell her to call. No phonecalls have been made. How about we switch MIL's? LOL
Are we related? I faced the same issue for both my bridal and baby showers. My mother and MIL threw separate showers.
My H's family is quite large, and my mom wanted me to spend time with my family at my shower. Therefore, she and MIL agreed to throw separate showers. Both mothers were at both showers.
It really worked out perfectly, because my mom gave me showers that were personalized to her (us), and MIL threw one that was personalized to her.
Maybe next time your MIL asks what she can do, you can simply let her know she can host a shower herself. Seriously, if she wants to plan a party have her plan one. It would just make the one your mom is doing smaller...which would save money. I know you want your mom to do this all by herself...but it's your MIL's grandchild, too.
BTW...it is not necessarily customary for the mother of the MTB to do all the planning. My mother (or MIL for that matter) didn't plan any of my 3 showers. A cousin planned one, a friend planned another, and a coworker planned the thrid one. Same with my bridal showers (cousin hosted one and friend - MOH - hosted the other). I've got to plenty of showers that have not been planned by the mother of the MTB. I've also hosted several showers for MTB's.