- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Postpartum Depression
My In-laws make me regret having a baby
My baby is almost 9 weeks old. I never imagined I would EVER have any type of regrets about having a baby since this was a well planned out adventure with my husband...but my in-laws have made me regret having a baby numerous times.
My husband and I have been married 1.5 years, but have been together for 9 years (next month). My husband and I are deeply in love and have a wonderful marriage. Literally, the only thing we argue about is his parents. Being that he is an only child I can understand some of the issues that we have with his parents...but I have cried too much over our issues and am not sure how to go about dealing with them anymore.
My biggest issue at the moment is that I DO NOT want to see my in-laws for a very very very very long time. They live like 5-10 minutes away from us. When the baby was first born they came over every other day and visited for 4-5 hours at a time. I wasn't minding that they were visiting, but I was offended that they were staying SO long. Now that they baby is older they are keeping their distance and have turned to inviting themselves over once or twice a week. I have been trying very hard to work on me so that my husband doesn't always feel like crap about our relationships (our relationship with the in-laws not the relationship between my husband and I). I have compromised and have designated ONE evening during the week to go to their house and visit for about an hour and a half each week (They also call/text my husband almost EVERY day to ask about every little detail about the baby). My little one is breastfed and I am not comfortable feeding in front of them so I like to go home to feed her. Well, they called my husband last night and told him that they didn't feel like this was enough time. I feel very angry and am so frustrated that I have cried like a hundred times since they called yesterday.
My MIL is a big manipulator and usually gets what she wants by guilting people into doing what she wants. I am trying to stand my ground and be respectful at the same time. My mother raised me to treat my own parents with great respect so I try to have a similar respect for my in laws. I have been disrespected by my MIL for YEARS so this is not new...but now that the baby is here, I feel obligated to stand up for myself and stay strong for not only me, but the baby too.
My husband is lost somewhere in the middle of all this (and not because I put him there... he put himself there). My husband has admitted that he doesn't want his parents coming over to visit, but at the same time he says he would be fine if they came by for a short time EVERY DAY! Every time I open up about my feelings and talk to my husband about them, he always agrees with me and I finish the conversation thinking we are on the same page. Then when his mom texts him, he is ready to do whatever she wants. I just don't know what to do anymore.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My In-laws make me regret having a baby
You are right about standing up for yourself. This is YOUR baby and YOUR family. If you are sad all the time about you ILs and are crying that is not healthy for you or the baby. It is time to say something. Tell them you need time with just YOUR family and that every day will not work for you. You need time to adjust to being a mommy and getting you LO on a routine that works for your family and with them stopping by every day that is just not going to work. Keep your ground about the one evening a week and if they don't like it tough shiit. You have so much more to concentrate on then how your MIL feels. If you let her start doing this to you with the baby now...it will be like this the rest of your life.
keep you head up momma...I know it's a lot but you will figure it out.
Have you thought about couples therapy? and maybe one on one therapy for your husband? I totally can relate to the issue you're having regarding boundaries with your in laws. You and your husband have to come up with a plan regarding how involved his parents will be and present this plan as a unified front, you should not have to be the "bad guy". If as you say, his mom is such a manipulative woman, and being the only child, your husband may have issues he needs to work out. Sounds like it will be hard for him to break away from his folks a little bit and establish his own family as a grown man. This is why I'd suggest therapy for him individually.
I'm sorry that this is tainting your experience as a FTM. I really hope you two can work it out. Good luck!
I'm so sorry that your MIL is putting you through this and making it about her. I think you definitely did the right thing by taking control of the situation by going to their house and leaving when you're ready to.
Therapy might be a good diffuser - objective.