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Debating on if I should "be nice" about this. Opinions?
So my STBXH has a huge drinking problem (which caused the horrible abuse and eventual demise of our marriage). He will be released from jail March 3rd and his visitations with our son will begin.
Due to his criminal case and my current OFP he will be required to take two alcohol tests and UAs a week, both of which he has to pay for. One of course he is required to take before his visit with DS (ordered in OFP).
X's friend called me and asked me to have my OFP changed so that I do not require an alcohol test before his visits with DS since he will have to pay for it. The other test he has to take every week supposedly tests for alcohol use within the past 10 days. If he fails that he will immediately be put back in jail for violation. X's friend said that it will be really hard for X to do two tests a week and be spendy and he should still be allowed to see his son.
Now X's friends and family have been treating me like absolute crap and X is even lying to people saying I made everything up. That doesn't necessarily make me want to be nice about all of this and do him "a favor". Yet I still want my son to eventually have a healthy relationship with his father.
What say you?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Debating on if I should "be nice" about this. Opinions?
Completely unrelated and it doesn't change my opinion on this, but what kind of visitation is your STBXH getting with your DS?
He gets 4 hours of visitation per week supervised by X's grandma. I don't really like her but I know she won't let X get away with anything stupid and if I chose a professional supervisor I would have to pay for half which isn't really in my budget.
I didn't want to change it anyways but everyone made me feel like I was being a mega b*itch about it since he already had to take one a week regardless.
Thanks ladies.
Nice gets you screwed, per the words and wisdom of Sweetie. And, you might as well adopt the persona of ice queen now, because it will serve you much better in the future than listening to XH and every other bleeding heart who tries to appeal to your softer side.
This isn't personal, it's a business arrangement and your child's safety is at stake. Don't compromise on that because you don't want to look like the biitch of an XW.
Things to consider being nice about: comprimising on the occasional drop off or pick up point if there is something going on, trading an occasional day or weekend, etc.
Things to stay firm on: things that can affect your child's safety and well being- IE knowing if he is going with a parent who has been drinking or is drunk. Absolutely keep the testing before visitation, for your peace of mind and your DS's safety.
Your DH did the crime, and is now doing the time. He may be released from prison, but he's still needing to be accountable for his prior actions and addiction issues.
Great advice. Thank you everyone.
I have always had a soft side and can't help but feel a bit sorry for my ex because of what he lost.
But the saying is definitely true. "Do the crime, do the time." After all, his domestic abuse charge was dropped even when he beat on his pregnant wife. I suppose I should try more than ever to make things easier on me and my child and not give a crap about making things easier for him.
Yup
^^^
I've stopped making excuses, and making things too easy for STBXH, he still tries to pull one over on me, but I just tell him I'm done playing that game.
If your EX didn't want to take 2 drug tests a week he shouldn't have been doing them and drinking in the first place. The safety of your son is going to be the key to that healthy relationship you want for him.
You should totally not make him pay for the test because I am sure he is in turn going to give you that extra money he has to spend to take care of his kids.
Oh wait that's never going to happen.
And he got away with beating the crap out of you.
Ok your wtfwasIthinking moment can be over now. Make him take and pay for both test. He so deserves more punishment than he is receiving don't let him make you feel any guilt.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you can't change a court order. Just like you couldn't have released him from jail any sooner, right? What makes anyone think that this is under your control?