Taking away his favorite toy

Re: Taking away his favorite toy

• lindzed

  February 2012

  Totally my opinion, but trust your Mommy instinct.  Not everything becomes an obsession and honestly if your sons worst fixation is the abs I think he will be just fine.  I am not saying not to take your schools advice, but don't forget you are the expert of your son no matter what anyone else tries to tell you.

  

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• MummyGruetzie member

  February 2012

  This hurts to read... I've worked with several students who had reading taken away when they were toddlers and then went on to despise or be afraid of it. In the most extreme case of this, when I pointed out to the parents after one of my first sessions with their child, "Johny seems fearful of letters. Has he always been afraid of them?", they were quick to recall that it used to be a favorite thing and they "had" to take it away. Apparently the education and behavior consultant that I had just replaced had recommended that they punish their child when he engaged in finding letters in his environment or anything reading related that looked "abnormal". (Accck!!!) These were very well-educated parents who were trying doing what was going to "help" their child. Needless to say, they highly regretted it later on. I spent almost an entire academic year one on one with this student easing him into reading again (he also had a lot of other school-related anxiety issues and really couldn't function in a school setting anymore). The kid was bright. There were home videos of him reading (probably not comprehending) as a toddler and he clearly still possessed all of the non-direct skills to be a good reader. He also had amazing comprehension skills when I read to him--way above any of the other students I'd worked with at the time. But getting HIM to do the reading again was huge. It was like a bad ex-girlfriend. The whole thing was really sad. Its reading for crying out loud--not washing machines or trains or flags or knives--reading!!! Kind of important to know how to read. Also a huge gateway into language for children who are otherwise struggling there. (Albeit the argument can really be made that any interest is a gateway to learning, but I tend to put reading in a different category than those).  

  I suggest a follow up meeting with the teachers where you discuss this further and get specifics on what (if any) part of the behavior is becoming a problem. I'd want to ask directly how this "thing" is negatively effecting him and I'd want specific answers. Beyond that, it seems like there need to be some guidelines set (somewhere in the middle ground). For example, "Its okay for DS to look at the flashcards during some specific time when the other students are also engaged in independent play, but if he perseverates on the same one for more than X minutes, he needs to be reminded to go on to the next one. If he can't, he'll need to put them away". Or if the issue is that he knows how to decode and then blend the sounds back together, but instead he's stuck when by himself and saying, "c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t" that the guideline be set that we only say the wordsthis way: "cat" and if he can't do that then they be put away/go on to the next activity. If he will not engage his peers or come to group time, because he wants to read, that seems like a valid time to say, "Right now, we're doing X. We'll do reading during Y." I wouldn't want him to be off doing something separate while the other children are engaged in a lesson. That'd be counter-productive.  

  Repeating the ABCs can be a typical toddler behavior. DD1 still does this at 3.5. Occasionally she'll get stuck on a letter and want to figure it out, but she needs to start the song from the beginning in order remind herself which letters she has to work with. Pretty typical thing for kids to do. I'd see this as a "stim" if the child was repeating the song over and over and there wasn't a clear reason or need for it. I know your son is 2, but I'm hoping the program has a time set aside for the classroom to read in some capacity. I would NOT want him excluded from this. But I don't see why he can't play with his magnetic letters at home--especially if you're able to join him at all and further his interest into more functional reading. And perhaps sabatage a little if you feel like its getting too odd. Perhaps, you could also ask the teacher where she fears this "behavior" will go if it isn't stopped and instead agree to points between where he is now and where that point is that you will do something more aggressive. That way you aren't dismissing her professional judgement and experience, but you're also looking out for him as his Mom and advocate. If, on the other hand, this is merely about the fact that DS has a *gasp* interest that might become obsessive, I wouldn't go there. There are going to be lots of mights and maybes. That doesn't mean he should never be allowed to enjoy anything. There's no reason to punish a kid for having a valid interest. 

  Have you heard of the book: "When Babies Read" by Audra Jensen? I've used some of the methods in this book for several students and really liked how the author focused on using literacy as a tool for furthering communication skills. Things like being able to understand a written schedule, read a social story, participate in the grocery/toy wish list/reward chart are all very appropriate ways to use reading to help a child ... in addition to helping them learn to enjoy reading as a pleasurable activity. It was pretty heavy on the functionality aspect of things and had a decent bit about how to ensure that comprehension was occurring--not just mindless decoding of text. Pretty short and easy to read too. 

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• Deborah621 member

  February 2012

  I know how you feel....it's one of the things I have struggled with a lot since my son's diagnosis, that we have to really monitor things he starts to enjoy so that a repetitive routine doesn't develop around them. What I have noticed with my son is that he starts out enjoying something and can even be fairly flexible in the beginning, and then the routine around that toy or object starts to become more focused and repetitive that it almost becomes a source of anxiety for him, and it is no longer enjoyable. He went through it with play dough awhile ago (before diagnosis) and we had to actually completely remove all the play dough because he would want to take it out to play with it, but almost immediately get very upset and angry if one little part of the play dough routine was off. Right now when I introduce something new to him I am trying to stop it before it happens by taking charge more when he is playing. It really is so backwards to me, and it makes me sad like you, I just want him to enjoy things like  "typical" kid. It's not like he is  scribbling all over the walls or dumping paint all over the floor, he doesn't do the typical "naughty" toddler behavior that requires a parent to step in and stop. He just wanted us to help him make certain play dough shapes in a certain order, over and over. We just now started reintroducing the play dough again after almost 2 months without it, and I am going to try to help him really enjoy it again like he did in the beginning.
  

  And Auntie your knowledge and advice is wonderful thank you so much.
  

  

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• malcivar member

  February 2012

  Thank you everyone for the responses.  They definitely helped me look at the situation objectively.   

  And I have an update.  Last night, right before bedtime, he walked me over to the shelf where we keep the flashcards and kept pointing and telling me to "do" and looked confused when he didn't see the box of cards.  I was too tired and upset and was very grateful that it was actually bedtime so I asked DH to just put him to bed.  He went with no fuss.

  I was worried about this morning.  He usually plays with his leaptop in the morning but no, he got up, had his breakfast and watched a little TV - side note, we mix up the TV shows on in the background each morning so he doesn't get fixed on one.  He had some extra time and to my surprise when I walked into the living room, DH was reading to him.  DS generally can't sit still through a book and will get distracted pointing out the page numbers and such but no, he was happy as a clam as his daddy read the whole book through.  

  I hate to admit it but I think the fact that the letters, cards and leaptop weren't there let him ENJOY reading time with daddy.  I also breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't freaking out because they weren't there.  DH was also very relieved.  He had also been dreading this morning but nope, DS took it in stride.  So we agreed to truly limit his time with anything "ABC" related while not completely taking it away.

  *crossing fingers* 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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