anyone else's husband adament about this?

eunruh69 · February 2012

DH does NOT want to tell our close circle of friend OR our family till the twelfth week, my spring break which is six weeks away. I understand his reasoning because then we're in the "safety" zone but it's absolutely killing me to not be able to tell my family & close girlfriends Especially because I feel as if there's all sorts of information & advice I'm missing out on, andjust the joy on their faces. I would really love to be able to give this news to my dad as a gift especially since his one year AA anniversary is coming up & he told me recently that he's finally happy & not living in a fog anymore. Also because we found out last night that one of our close friends (couple) just implanted their last egg Monday & I know that's going to be the topic of conversation Friday night @ the girl's movie night. Ahhhhhhh!!!!! It's going to take all of my gosh darn willpower to not break this promise when all I want to do is shout it too the world!! Anyone else in the same boat?

procstar25 · February 2012

Ughhh I am totally in that boat! I wanna scream it from the rooftop. I've told my boss (she's a close friend and also KU) and I told my other friend who doesn't know anyone else I'd know cause she lives so far away.

We plan on telling our parents when my blood test comes back, possibly. Other friends who aren't super close get to wait until Spring. I couldn't imagine the heartbreak.

For right now I guess it can be mine and my husbands little secret.

Im going to a wedding this weekend where there will be A LOT of our drunk friends, so I will have to pretend to drink so it doesn't come out lol!

Schrodenger · February 2012

Speaking as someone who has gone through a loss, it is very hard to tell the people who you have told that you lost the baby. We only told my parents and that was hard to go back and tell them that I had M/C at 9weeks.

SarahP15 · February 2012

We were comfortable telling our families and close friends already when I found out - I was almost 8 weeks along and had gone to the doc and confirmed the pregnancy/saw the heartbeat. If God forbid something happens and I lose the baby I will want the support of them. We will announce to everyone else after 1st tri.

eav2c · February 2012

My DH didn't want to 'come out' until at least 12 weeks. By the time we actually got around to telling his parents/family wasn't until nearly 15 weeks though. However, I *did* let my dad and my BFF in on the news. I think that if you want to tell a person or two, that you should be able to (willing they can keep it a secret). But looking back, I completely understand why my DH wanted to keep it a secret so long and I'm glad he did... frankly, I was so tired/exhausted that I would have been annoyed dealing with everyone oo'ing and ah'ing and asking questions. Once I was feeling better, in terms of MS and everything else, it was a lot easier to deal with people.

Of course everyone is different so I understand why you want to tell everyone your news. Maybe talk to your DH and see if you can't let your dad and some friends in on the news but waiting a few more weeks won't be a huge deal (I promise!). I remember begging DH to tell but he just wanted to be 'safe.' Anyways, GL!

laurakaz13 · February 2012

I lost a baby too, but still don't see it as a big deal to tell my closest friends and family members. They're the ones who would be there for me during it anyway.

EastCoastBride · February 2012

laurakaz13:
I lost a baby too, but still don't see it as a big deal to tell my closest friends and family members. They're the ones who would be there for me during it anyway.

This is my thought on it. If something were to happen and these are the people you'd turn to for support - wouldnt' you want them to know you were PG in the first place? That was always my take on it when we decided to tell people very early on.

rels09 · February 2012

I can't imagine not telling my parents, at least. To me, it would be so much worse to have to tell them that I HAD been pregnant but had lost it (if they never knew I was pregnant in the first place). I want them to share our joy, not just our pain if that were to happen. We told our parents and siblings right away. I realize everyone has different relationships with their families, though.

kelnyc · February 2012

I'm not in the same boat, but #1 your Dad will be just as thrilled on a day in the 12th week as he would be on the annivversary... and #2 it would be pretty selfish to bring up your pregnancy when the talk is about your friend's IVF. #3 They transfered their last egg, not implanted. It now has to implant on its own in order for the cycle to be successful. I know I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret from people closest to me, like my twin sister, but it's obviously very important to your H, so good for you for such a sacrifice!

DFWIndian · February 2012

I think this has to be a decision between you and your DH. We all have different view and mind sets about it. We told parents because we drink over there and we didn't want to be surprised when they figured it out. We wanted to be the one suprising them. If your husband doesn't feel comfortable I think you need to decide if you are going to respect his wishes or if you can maybe find a compromise in the situation.

judahsmommy1 · February 2012

With my first we told our parents and best friends right away. We would have told our siblings as well, but we both had a "young" (ish) sibling still. So we waited until viability was confirmed to share it with our siblings. This time, all of our siblings are old enough that if I were to miscarry, they could cope with that information without a lot of confusion. So we shared with our families and best friends right away. My logic is the same. They are the people I would turn to for support in the case of a loss. I would want them to already know.

MrsFobeyFobes · February 2012

We told our parents and siblings. It's very early but they would be our support system no matter which way this goes.

Jacqueline1302 · February 2012

I wanted to wait a little longer to let it out, but DH couldn't hold it in!! lol The day we took the test at the doctor (exactly 5 weeks along) he booked dinner with his parents & from their we went to my parents! He was calling all of his grandparents as soon as he could! He was so excited he just couldn't hold it. He texted his friends "Guess What!? Im going to be a daddy!" So cute!! I haven't told anyone at work yet & just close friends know. Waiting to get closer to that "all clear" point.

Myreppboys · February 2012

I am also in the same boat, my husband wants me to get far enough along that we are in a "safe zone" before we tell family and friends. I have told two of my best friends because I know they will not spill the beans and also because they knew how hard we were trying to have another baby. I have to mc before and its awful so I can see my husbands point of view on this to. I figured its a few more weeks what the heck!!

mommygrams0730 · February 2012

to be honest it was kind of fun to have a little secret for just hubby and me! i am super close with my mom, but it was fun when we did tell everyone! we waited until 12 weeks, just in case. i knew that even if something had happened my mom would have been there for me even if she hadn't known i was pregnant. a few months ago my mom said it was nice not knowing right away because it seems like less time to wait, lol!

SHeins · February 2012

My husband is pretty adamant about not saying anything until after the first ultrasound. And I understand his reasons and we try to keep it to ourselves. But with all three pregnancies, I've been so sick that the people we're close to figure it out. His dad, my mom, my sister, my brother, a few friends.

Its hard to keep something a secret when you go through the first trimester on the cusp of vomiting.

mrs.gee · February 2012

We waited until we were 13w to tell family and until 17+w to tell friends. After two losses, both of which I'd shared with friends and family, I didn't want everyone watching us and asking about me.

I just wanted to add that whatever you decide, I would not talk about this on Friday night while your IVF friend is discussing her egg implantation. I would let that settle before breaking your news. She has presumably been trying for a long time and will be wracked with nerves and worry. While I'm sure she'll be happy for you, I think it would be very generous of you to respect that she is dealing with a ton of emotions right now and even though she may well be pregnant herself, she may also have a hard time dealing with your pregnancy.

hmp1 · February 2012

rels09:
I can't imagine not telling my parents, at least. To me, it would be so much worse to have to tell them that I HAD been pregnant but had lost it (if they never knew I was pregnant in the first place). I want them to share our joy, not just our pain if that were to happen. We told our parents and siblings right away. I realize everyone has different relationships with their families, though.

This, but we haven't told all our siblings yet. Just my sister. Our other siblings will be getting a Valentine card from DS and baby2. Our friends and work will not be told until I'm 12 weeks.

eunruh69 · February 2012

she wouldn't have a hard time dealing with my/olur pregnancy as this is the second go around for them meaning they successfully had twins three years ago through IVF and this is the final egg that they froze at that time but I understand what everyone is saying and please don't scold me over breaking a promise to DH. I'm not breaking the promise, it's just hard to wait is all I am saying. we've already reached that compromise of telling a few close friends (his best friend, my best friend) who live far away & won't spill the beans. thanks.

Medic99 · February 2012

After two losses we refused to tell anyone till after the first tri. It is devastating to lose a baby and to have to tell everyone about it is also very painful. My SIL told everyone I was wrong for telling my family early about our last pregnancy that ended in mc and that hurt. That is why we didn't tell anyone. Please don't take this as to say that it will happen to you because I would not wish that on anyone. Take it easy and enjoy it!

mrs.gee · February 2012

Ambsies:
kelnyc:
it would be pretty selfish to bring up your pregnancy when the talk is about your friend's IVF.
I totally agree with this. Even though you just mentioned that you don't think your friend would mind- let her have her moment, you can choose a different night to share your news.

Agree. This is what I was [less eloquently] trying to say in my earlier comment. Even though she already has kids she obviously wants another one and having to go through IVF to get it is so much fear and heartache. You can't assume she will just "be ok" with it.

jellybelly03 · February 2012

My DH knows that I am a talker and that I need some support, so we have compromised: I have told two "dead end" friends (two of my close friends who have no interaction with other friends/family and won't spill the beans). I'm REALLY glad to have told them, too, because I've been spotting like crazy and really need to have support and they have been great (one has had a m/c). My DH works a ton and hasn't really been able to be physically around for me through this, so he and I are both glad to have my girls around helping out

(BTW, that's why still don't have a ticker - too nervous!) But I also am close to my mom and haven't told her. It's tough, but I know that I would not want to have to "un-tell" her if something went wrong, so... for now we're limiting. Good luck!

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