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January 2012 Moms
Thinkerbelle80
member
Vent- judgemental aunt
Thinkerbelle80
member
5 days after our daughter was born, my aunt came over and asked us how we were doing. When we said that we had been up all night with her because they come out with their days and nights reversed, she said oh you need to get that baby on a schedule right away. I disagreed and said I'd be feeding her on command and if she wanted to nurse all night then that was what she needed. It's not like she was crying for no reason. Every time she cries it's because she wants to nurse. She has mentioned to me several times over how we need to get the baby on a routine or schedule. She also has the impression that we are doing horribly because the first week we were up every night with her. I have been nothing but positive with her but she interprets everything I say as negative.
Today, she really upset me because she mentioned how I should not be taking the baby anywhere at all for the first month because she could get sick. We ran into my aunt at church on Sat and she went on about how we shouldn't be going to church for the first month or he and I should go separately so that the baby isn't exposed to all of the germs in the baby room. I can't go places without her because then she will be stuck without her only food source and crying and I think that's worse.
Every time I talk to her, my self esteem feels bad, I feel paranoid and I feel like a crappy parent. I've had a lot of doctor appts and so has my baby so I've taken her out almost every other day (to the doctor) since we've been home plus we went to church and we had newborn photos taken. I feel really guilty about all this now. I just want to feel like a good parent and I do feel good about myself when she's not there to constantly judge me.
Worst of all, I asked her to be the godparents for the baptism before we knew she would be like this. I wish I could take it back. I try to tell her as little as possible about us and be very brief and positive but it doesn't matter. She just keeps judging me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Vent- judgemental aunt
I'm sorry you are going through this!!! It really sucks to have someone take everything you say negatively. My Grandma has always acted the same way. I have learned to NEVER say anything that could possibly sound negative around her. If your aunt asks again how the baby is sleeping I would say "Great!!" and change the subject.
Keep feeding on demand! You know that is best for your baby and it is so amazing that you can be feeding your baby when she needs to eat! If your aunt will listen to reason I would look up some articles that are against scheduled feedings Here is a link that is talking about the potential harm Babywise (A book that teaches a feeding schedule)
https://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/babywise-linked-to-babies-dehydration.html
As for taking the baby out, most of the trips out have been to the doctor! So that was necessary. New born pictures don't usually involve more then just you and the photographer so that is very limited exposure to germs and as long as you are safe at church (Keeping her away from sick kids and asking people to wash their hands if they are going to hold her) you should be fine.
You need to get out of the house so you don't go nuts and if you need to take your baby with you because you are her food source then so be it!
Happy Mamma Happy Baby
Woah that got long lol Good luck!
DD 1/3/2012
BFP 5/21/2013 MC 5/24/2013
BFP 7/16/2013 EDD 3/27/2014
Don't listen to her. you are doing awesome. My newborn goes out all the time. She has also been exposed (constantly!) to her 3 year old brother with bronchitis, and her five year old sister with cold. Somehow this little one hasn't gotten sick at all. If she did get sick it would suck, but we'd survive!
2012 Goal: working towards pre-pregnancy speed!
04/15 KI Metric Marathon/16.3 m (2:05:55, 7:43 pace)
05/06 Frederick 13.1 (1:41:09)
11/04 NYCM
Make a pregnancy ticker
It also might help to remember that a lot of this is generational. Your aunt was probably raised when it was still considered way more important to keep children on a strict, non deviating schedule at all times from birth. Heck, the most renowned scientists of their day used to day that it was best to show children as little attention and cuddling as possible so as not to 'spoil' them.
We know better now, studies have been done, theories have been tested. Feeding on demand for the first couple of months and lots of affection are known to be better than strict schedules and detachment.