Need advice — The Bump
Atlanta Babies

Need advice

So we had our first visit with the new ob/gyn today. Baby is ok, but it Did not go great and my wife ended up crying her eyes out in the car for 20 minutes afterwards. She said she felt forced and was uncomfortable with the dr. And felt that there was no flexibility exuded in talking with the doctor. Is this common with new ob/gyn? Is this a gut feeling type of thing? Do first impressions hold tru throughout the pregnancy? I guess what I am trying to ask is should we look for a different ob? I am soo confused!

Re: Need advice

  • How old are you guys? It seems really odd to me that you come on a message board to ask if it is normal that your wife was uncomfortable with her OB. 
    DS 02.10.2008 * DD 04.05.2011

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  • We are both in our early 30s. I ask because I read all these reviews about how great the experiences are with the drs. And my wife has had nothing but problems. I am trying to be a supporting husband, but do I take her to 20 diff. Doctors? Or is this a common reaction that women have with new doctors and then warm up to them? I don't know and was looking for some advice from other women. Isn't that what these forums are for?
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  • I am glad the baby looked good! If she didn't feel completely comfortable with the dr then I'd change. If she felt like just a number and like the appointment was rushed she should not feel obligated to stick around. I would really recommend finding a midwife/ob practice. She will still give birth in a hospital and have access to all pain management options, if she chooses. I delivered my first with an OB practice and went along with everything they said and in the end was not happy with my birth experience. I changed to a MW/OB practice this time around and I am SO much happier. The personal care, time spent answering my questions,etc, that I get is a night and day difference to the practice I delivered my son with. Regardless, she needs to be comfortable with her dr and if she wasn't after this appointment I'd move on. GL! 
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  • I think what fricb is getting at is that you are about the only male we've ever had on here. It's a little odd that a husband be on here asking questions for his wife. I'm not saying its bad but it's a little off from what usually goes on.

    On the subject, no matter what a person should feel comfortable with the OB and practice they are in. There are things that annoy me at my OBs office and a few of the doctors I don't particular care for but I always get my questions answered and I've never felt rushed even when I was in/out of the office so many times with DS1's pg with PTL.

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  • What can I say, I am an active participant in this with my wife and want to be informed. I was the same way with our wedding. Thanks for the response daisy.
  • I can't imagine what the doctor would have done to make your wife cry so much, but obviously go to someone else.  That response is NOT normal.

     
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  • If she's already uncomfortable with the doc, I'd ask some friends for recommendations.  Sounds like she may prefer a midwife experience.  If she would rather have an OB/GYN, I ADORE my doc.  Dr. Michael Dawson with Atlanta Womens Specialists.  He has an excellent bedside manner.  I instantly felt comfortable with him, and he was the first male doctor I've ever had.  There are also several women in the practice, some whom I care for more than others.
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  • When you are pregnant you are very emotional. However what you didn't talk about was what exactly made her upset. Were they rough with her? Dismissive? Not willing to discuss issues that are important to both of you? I guess what is the root of making her cry. Do you feel your wife's expectations are realistic or is she being overly emotional in part due to the pregnancy hormones. You know her best. I think you have to like the doctor you see week after week, but for me in the end my doctor didn't deliver my son. No one from the practice did since he was born on the 4th of July. And I honestly didn't care one bit. I loved who I saw for all my appointments but when the time came, the person who delivered my son ended up being a midwife and it was a great experience. But I think i have that sort of personality. I don't need my doctor to answer questions on end. I have these messages boards to ask my questions. Does your wife have a support system? Is she looking for a doctor to be her support system? I think you have a lot of questions to answer as to why she had that reaction and asking us isn't going to give you them. Best of luck!
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    James - July 4, 2010
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  • image NozzeFS:
    When you are pregnant you are very emotional. However what you didn't talk about was what exactly made her upset. Were they rough with her? Dismissive? Not willing to discuss issues that are important to both of you? I guess what is the root of making her cry. Do you feel your wife's expectations are realistic or is she being overly emotional in part due to the pregnancy hormones. You know her best. I think you have to like the doctor you see week after week, but for me in the end my doctor didn't deliver my son. No one from the practice did since he was born on the 4th of July. And I honestly didn't care one bit. I loved who I saw for all my appointments but when the time came, the person who delivered my son ended up being a midwife and it was a great experience. But I think i have that sort of personality. I don't need my doctor to answer questions on end. I have these messages boards to ask my questions. Does your wife have a support system? Is she looking for a doctor to be her support system? I think you have a lot of questions to answer as to why she had that reaction and asking us isn't going to give you them. Best of luck!

    All of this.  And I think it is great that there is a husband on here!  Go you! 

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  • You're definitely welcome to post here!  I'd see if maybe there's a different doctor she can see the next time unless you also didn't like the office/staff/etc then I'd considering changing practices.  You got a lot of good recs on here the last time so there's lots to choose from.  Best of luck!  This is a big step in your lives and you both should be comfortable with the doctor.
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  • She definitely needs to feel comfortable with her OB so that she can talk openly about whatever comes up with the pregnancy. And being a first time pregnant woman, there are lots of questions, some that seem pretty silly to be asking, but you worry about every little thing with your first. It's nice that you are wanting to help her with all of this. Does she have friends that have been pregnant to ask questions to? Or would she feel comfortable joining The Bump to post questions? This is a great group of ladies that are pretty much always willing to answer questions, even if they've been asked 1,000 times before. The Bump month birth boards are also nice since everyone is going through the same symptoms and such together. Those two things make a big difference in my first pregnancy.

     If she didn't like the 1st doctor, then go for a consult with a couple more. I will also recommend Dr. Michael Dawson at AWS. I was always set against seeing a male Ob/Gyn before. AWS used to be an only women practice but now they have a couple of males. It just so happened that because of scheduling I had to see Dr. Dawson for an appt. over 4 years ago before I was ever pregnant. I was completely surprised how at ease I felt talking to him and letting him examine me. From that point on, I have tried to be scheduled with him as much as possible. I am pretty much exclusively seeing him for this pregnancy.

    I also know several people that have delivered with Intown Midwifery and have had wonderful experiences. They are a very patient oriented practice. If your wife feels like she might need more "hand holding" through this pregnancy, I think a midwife may be a very good fit. Good Luck!

     

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  • Thank you ladies for all the wise words... We are trying another office for the next visit. 
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