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2nd Trimester
nerdbaby
member
Had my first "how dare you get pregnant and ruin MY life plans" moment
nerdbaby
member
And here I thought my family would hold it together.
Two of my younger cousins, who are also sisters, both got engaged Christmas Eve. I had not yet announced my pregnancy because I was holding out for 12 weeks and truly just wanted quiet holidays without the fuss.. anyway... super excited for them, they got to be co-stars of the show for Christmas, everyone should be happy.
I announced my pregnancy at a family dinner New Year's weekend, and honestly, I didn't so much "announce" it as I did tell my grandfather and each of my aunts and uncles individually throughout the evening.. my parents had been told privately the night before.. and it's impossible to get the whole family in the room at once anyway.
So then my aunts ran to tell their daughters/my cousins, including the engaged pair, and there was a lot of typical cheering and hugging and question asking.
Flash forward to today and I get a phone call from my youngest engaged cousin asking if she thinks I'll be back in shape in time for a labor day weekend wedding. Ohhh lord... and when I replied with "Well I certainly hope I'll be in decent shape but since I'm due in July it's kinda hard to say." she sighed all dramatically and said, "Well I wasn't planning on doing a flowy bridesmaid dress, but I guess if you're still going to be a little big we'll have to figure something out."
Oh dear me oh my.. what is it about weddings that turns otherwise rational adults into petulant little children? Seriously, do me the favor and leave me out of it altogether. Like I need to be running around doing your bridesmaid shazz when I'm a hundred months pregnant and then caring for a newborn anyway!
ETA: Almost forgot! So right after I got off the phone with the younger sister, I see that the older sister had posted this on facebook... "And here I thought I'd only be competing with my sister for attention on wedding day! Looks like there's gonna be a baby in the audience!"
The smilies aren't working, but I hope you can sense my massive eyeroll.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Had my first "how dare you get pregnant and ruin MY life plans" moment
wow, how selfish. that's a little insensitive of her and petty. if that was my cousin, i woulda went ahead and told her that if she's gonna be so childish, then leave me out. i don't need her to do me any favors by LETTING me wear a flowy wedding dress.
And the facebook thing, how rude!!! omg this post makes me mad! Tell her you and your baby will enjoy yourselves at home, nobody is competing with anybody! It just so happened that your "events" are around the same time. OMG
Wow.. How old are your cousins... 5?
26 and 27! unreal...
Eleanor Gwendolyn
You speak truth.
It's taking all my earthly strength not to post, "Don't worry cuz, we'll get a sitter.. wouldn't want two babies at the wedding."
I would definitely tell the younger cousin not to worry about you being in the wedding party. You'd hate for you having a baby to "ruin" her big day, right?
Honestly, I think I'd be too pissed at her to want to be a bridesmaid.
Weddings turn normal people into psychos. And the whole "I can say anything to you since you're pregnant" attitude probably isn't helping the situation either.
I wouldn't actually do it but I would be VERY tempted to turn it around.
You were pregnant BEFORE they got engaged so technically THEY stole your thunder. How dare they plan their weddings without considering your unborn child!
Seriously though, they suck. I was 35 weeks pregnant for my little brothers wedding and I was miserable but they NEVER made me feel like I was second class because I needed a different dress...
I'd let them have their drama -- all to themselves. A tactful, but no-nonsense approach keeps you in the clear, and is sometimes enough to make the other person realize they're the ones being a jerk. After that, you back away from it, and work to not take it personally (because really, their reactions are all about them, not you).
For the first, I'd tell her "I certainly don't wish to complicate your wedding plans, so perhaps it's best that I attend as a guest so you don't have to stress over what I will wear. I can't wait to see how beautiful your day turns out."
And for the second, I'd say "I noticed your status on Facebook. If you think us bringing our baby will be distracting on your wedding day, we certainly understand and will opt to not attend so our child doesn't interfere."
Let them realize that they're the ones losing out because their obnoxious and petty concerns are forcing you to sit these things out. If having you as a bridesmaid (or a wedding guest) is truly what's most important to them, they'll be happy to make things work.
Mama's Clone - 07/18/12
^This. I eloped too LOL.
Eleanor Gwendolyn
Wow! Catty and uncalled for, but unfortunately, how people work sometimes. At least the younger one talked to you in person rather than ***!ng on facebook.
If you get a chance, you should totally tell her that if she is worried about babies "competing for attention" at the ceremony, the best way to deal with that is hire childcare. I went to a wedding about 6 months before mine where a new mother was standing in the vestibule trying valiantly to keep her LO from crying or making noise, but peeking through the doors trying to watch the ceremony. I felt sorry for her. Then when I had three cousins who had just had babies before my wedding, not so much to keep the babies from crying during the ceremony, but more to let my cousins enjoy the ceremony without worrying about the baby crying or having to leave, we had a nursery. They were so excited to get to enjoy it without pacing in the vestibule.
Oh goodness!! How immature and unneccessary!! I'm so sorry you have to go through that, it's absolutely uncalled for and so very rude. You just have to ignore them and focus on your immediate family (you, baby and DH).
If it makes you feel any better I'm in the same boat sort of... I told my family i was pregnant, my sister was upset because she's 4 years older than me and not married or pregnant, then the next day she got engaged, and is having the wedding this summer, 3 months after baby is due.... she told me (no word of a lie), that "since I went ahead and got pregnant and therefore would be unable to be her drinking buddy throughout the entire wedding process" that I wouldn't be in her bridal party.... sh!t you not!
THIS!!!!
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I totally get it! How dumb can people be? Really? My niece asked my husband and me to be host and hostess at her May wedding back in Sept. I told her sure we would love to but I?m hopping to be pretty pregnant by then. As everyone knew we were trying. Okay all was good! She acted a little funny at Christmas, but whatever!
Last week I call to ask her if I could host a Bridal Brunch for her for the wedding party girls and all the aunts and grandma?s ect. Yah that would be great! Oh?by the way since you?re going to be pregnant I went ahead and asked________if they?d do it!? Really!!! What the hell! Oh yah?but you?ll still help us decorate and stuff right!? I wanted to say (*&% NO I won?t help! The kicker in all this is the couple she?s replaced us with is like more offensive to us then if she?d asked someone else!
I really don?t want to host the bridal brunch now but I?m going to go all out it?s going to kick ass and the day before her wedding she?s going to wish I would have planned the whole thing!!!! Oh and I?m not decorating!!!
Make a pregnancy ticker
Weddings can turn perfectly sane women into raving lunatics and if they were of questionable character before they got engaged things only get worse after that ring is slipped in their finger. My sister in law is getting married in 2013. She has already unleashed her wrath upon us. My husband told me that she has made up her bridal party. There will be six bridesmaids and and nine groomsmen. My other sister-in-law and myself will not be included in the party. She wants my son and my niece to be a ring bearer and a flower girl but us mothers are not going to be included. We get to sit in the pews and watch. Turns out it is because she wants us available to grab out kids and exit stage left if they should cry. So, I get to be an employee of her wedding.
I never had any intention of bringing my son to her wedding. He will not be mature enough to be a ring bearer or even a spectator. I texted her and told her this, in a very nice way, and received no response. She is not speaking to me. She is very mean and bossy. When asked what would happen if he didn't want to walk down the aisle her response was, "He just has to go." I can't subject my son to her nonsense. For me, not being asked was a relief. She makes those girls on that bridezilla show look well behaved. For my sister in law it was heartbreaking, especially considering that this girl was included in both of our parties.
If these girls are this mean and spiteful now imagine what it will be like closer to the big day. Maybe it is a good idea to simply bow out and being part of the guest list only. Who needs the extra aggravation?
Husband and I are both carriers of Delta F508, one of the many mutations that cause Cystic Fibrosis. We pray for a cure.
D-IUI #1 September 2011 ~ BFN D-IUI #2 October 2011 ~ BFP!
"Maybe you don't need the whole world to love you, ya know. Maybe you only need one person." Kermit the Frog
I am going to DH's cousins wedding in March, I'll be 27 weeks and I am already showing quite a bit.... Her only concern was that I'd still be able to travel to BE there, because she wants her whole family together. I am very blessed to have such a caring family! I couldn't imagine having to deal with so many immature people ....Weddings can make people crazy and jealousy just makes them more insane... so sorry you have to deal with that!
LMBO!!! I double dog dare you!! lol
I freakin heart you right now!!!
Im sorry your cousins are acting so immature about everything, its sad that some people make evrything into a competition when it's clearly not ( my SIL is like that). Anyway I think it's best to be the bigger person, as pp have said you can tell them how you feel and just leave it at that. They may realize that their behavior towards you was wrong, or they may not, these selfish girls, may only get worse as their wedding day approaches. I may attend the younger one's wedding as a guest b/c she seems like she was trying (in her own psycho way) to work something out for you. As for the older, I might sit it out, it would probably save you a headache, she's really the competitve one, she'd be mad that you and your beautiful new baby are there getting " all the attention" and the guest arent focusing on her lol. Horrible! Or you could go anyway, so what if it makes her mad, your family will be so happy to see you. It's annoying, but you'll figure out whats best for you in both of these situations. Again sorry about the way they're behaving and good luck!!
wow, sorry to hear you have to deal with the drama. For my wedding when we were bridesmaid dress shopping one of my bridesmaids told me her and her H were gonna start trying (it was 8 months before my wedding at this point) I was so happy for her, I said Id hope she wouldn't be due on my wedding- but then again its not like her life has to go around mine! (i said that too) I said i would totally understand if she can't make it, or if she was super pg- turns out she was 7 months pg at my wedding and it all worked out (she was able to get some help altering the dress to fit)
also, speaking of competing with a baby on your wedding my sister in law was due like 2 days after my wedding, her H (my H's brother) was to be in the wedding, I had told both (while she was in the hospital days before the wedding) that if they both can't make it I totally understand. Well they ALL THREE made it to the wedding, 3 day old baby in hand- and well he sorta took the show- but oh well!
If it doe become an issue talk to them and let them know that you are thrilled for them, but you also they should be happy for you too
Wow! My sister was 9 months pregnant at my wedding (and was the Matron of Honor) and it didn't bother me at all. She actually cried when she told me because she felt bad... I laughed at her and told her she was crazy! Why wouldn't I be happy?!
Everyone kept asking me what would happen if she had the baby early or went into labor... while it stressed me a little, what was I going to do about it. NOTHING! So, she'd be in the hospital and not at my wedding...it's OK!
She ended up making it through everything (though her car was packed at the wedding) and had the baby on the last day of my honeymoon. Sort of a bummer that I didn't get to see my niece for a few days but that's life. It cracks me up that people get upset about that crap. A baby is just as or more important than your wedding day so just be happy for everyone!