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March 2012 Moms
Feeling awful for DH (long)
So I've mentioned in previous posts about DH's tonsillectomy last Thursday and he's recovering well, although the pain is worse than he thought it would be.
Anyway, FIL and MIL both didn't really take it seriously and even though it is a common procedure, H was worried because he has never gone under anesthesia or had any type of surgery before. He was pretty nervous and his parents (who he isn't particularly close with) were making fun of him throughout the whole ordeal.
Anyway, they didn't offer any "get well" sentiments or anything, so when FIL called, we thought maybe that's what it was about. NO. It was that they wanted to know if they could stay with us this weekend to go to Disneyland. In his words "It isn't a social visit, we won't have any time. We'll be in on Friday night, at the park on Saturday, then fly home early Sunday." He said it like it would take pressure off us or something?? We still have to get the house ready, your SON is still recovering, and YES, you're just using us to save money on a hotel. H says "maybe we can do dinner together outside the park then?" FIL said no, because he doesn't want to waste his ticket -- if he's paying for a whole day, he wants the whole day!
They do this all the time (about 4-6 times a year) where they say they want to come out and see us, but really, they need a ride from the airport to the resort, or they just need a place to stay, etc... and that's literally ALL the time they spend with their son. They say its OUR fault if we don't see them because they always ask if we want to go, too, and if we say no, its our problem. ummmm...we can't exactly afford that! PLUS, I'm almost 8 mos pregnant!
Anyway, H says he doesn't care and he's used to it, but I can tell it would have meant a lot to him if FIL or MIL would have at least mentioned that they wanted to do something for him after the surgery - or even just see him! I feel like waiting til LO is here, visiting their hometown and saying "sorry, its not a "social" visit. We don't have time to see you."
Married: 10.28.2004
BFP 1: 2006, m/c 5 weeks
BFP 2: 2008, m/c 10 weeks
BFP 3: 2009, m/c 6 weeks
BFP 4: July 15, 2011
Welcome Parker! Feb. 19, 2012
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling awful for DH (long)
Sorry to me ....blood is not thicker than water... my response would be.. if you wanna spend all day at the park.... spend the F'in night in their hotels too cheap ass mother f^&^%&^%
sorry ..
I would make sure to 'forget' to call them until maybe a day or so after baby gets here, but I'm a little vindictive like that.
I agree, L0L0! I heard DH on the phone and tried telling him to say no (and tell them where they can shove it) but he is trying so hard to re-establish a good relationship with them that he always says yes... I just wish that went both ways...
As for a little "vindication", I think I WILL wait a little longer before we let them know Parker has arrived... Hey, if you have no time or concern for your own son, why would you have any for mine?
That sucks. Yeah, it's no big deal when an 8 year old gets his tonsils out, but it's a lot worse for adults.
I can't believe that they expect you to buy $60 tickets to a friggin park in order to spend any time with them. That's so jerkfacey to me.
Yeah, MIL had her tonsils out at age 11, so she kept saying "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it"...
We have annual passes to Disneyland, but they're blocked out on weekends. For $80 each, we can upgrade to get in, but even in the STRETCH that they paid for it, I'm 7.5 mos along. I waddle and I can't ride anything. Not to mention I have GD, so I can't eat anything yummy. Why on EARTH would we go with them???
Thanks for letting me vent this one out
It would be one thing if this were a rare event but since it seems to be their MO with you guys I would have absolutely no issue saying no. I know he wants to re-establish a relationship with them but it can't be in a vacuum. Maybe you need to just chat with him about putting his foot down and being firm on the reasons why, perhaps this time, it is not a good idea for them to come and stay with you even if the visit "isn't social." If they get pissy it's really more their issue than yours.
At some point your DH is going to have to address this with them. Obviously now is not the time but still at some point.
I totally agree with Lilly! Really my friend, you shouldn't have to deal with their crap at this stage too. I know it's very difficult to expect DH to stand up against his parents (trust me, I've been there!), but he's going to have to put his foot down. Sooner rather than later! x GL
P.S. Hope DH feels better by now..!
Thanks, Olga! He is feeling somehwat better, just "swimmy" as he puts it (probably because of the meds, not the surgery at this point).
As far as nipping this in the bud, I learned my lesson once when I went around him and called them saying "No we will NOT pick you up from the airport just to take you to your hotel, then not see you for 3 days when your 1/2 a mile away, then pick you up from Disneyland and take you BACK to the airport. Sorry, we have a life, too."
DH was PISSED. He called them back and said that even if I wouldn't do it, he would... UGH, it took forever to get that one off the table for every argument... Its his parents, I'll let him take care of it however he likes, but I'll also give him an earful EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The problem as I see it is that he's sort of undermining you. You have to be on the same page about the situation with them or every time something goes down like this you'll be perceived as the "bad guy" and he'll be a hero. If he truly agrees that what they are doing is BS he needs to call them out on it and stop allowing them to do this.
I hear you on giving him an earful about it but maybe a more relaxed conversation would be a better idea. Start by saying "I know you want to fix your relationship with your parents but playcating them and bending over backwards isn't doing it." then ask him "do you think they are putting in the same amount of effort into re-establishing the relationship as you are?"- that should at least get him to acknowledge that maybe they aren't and you can go from there.
this is a conversation wemve had many many times in the 8 years weve been together. ultimately, its his relationship with his parents and i cant fault him for doing everything he can, even if i think theyre aholes for walking all over him.