Hi there, new to the boards here, sorry for the long post,
My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, living together for 6 of those, and married for a little over 2. DH is 8 years older than me. We had the baby conversation a long time ago and I said when I was 25 it would be time to think about it, but not before. Well this past Dec I turned 25 and a few months before in Oct. I made the decision that when my b/c prescription ran out in March, that'd be it. I was thrilled with my decision at the time. Now I'm not so sure.
I'm one of those people that likes to get all their ducks in a row and I feel like I've done that. We own our own home, we have health insurance, DH has a wonderful job, just traded in our two door car for a four door, and DH and I have discussed just about every scenario a hundred times. I've had plenty of practice with my two godsons one who is now 4 and the other who is only 2 months and I'm pretty confident I can handle the demands. But in Dec my bro and his new wife announced their surprise unplanned pregnancy and my reaction caught me completely off-guard. I outright bawled and I'm not an emotional person. I don't know why if its because I was thinking how everything was going to change and nothing would ever be the same and I thought I had more time to enjoy things as they were or if it was because she started talking about not quitting smoking (either thing) I was shocked and couldn't help but fear for the health of the baby. Now I'm confused about continuing on with our plans, I don't want anyone thinking we're ttc because of them or something silly like that. I also don't want to heap more change upon my family.
I went ahead and booked my preconception exam just to make sure everything's ok and find out what I need to know straight from the horse's mouth. Now it seems very very real and I'm not sure anymore. I suddenly have alot of doubts that I didn't have a few months ago and I'm unsure of what to do next. I thought the decision was made, I don't understand why I'm suddenly scared of what's next. But at the same time, I'm looking at cribs and baby clothes and literally dreaming of little babies. I'm feeling confused, is it like cold feet or is it something more? I just need someone else to talk to about it. My friend's are ready for me to join the mommy club with them so anytime I bring up my doubts they immediately dismiss them.
I don't want to wait too long since DH is so much older than me. I want him to be able to run after and play with the baby and be there when they graduate and hold his grandkids. I also don't want to wait too long because I have arthritis and hip problems and I want to be able to run after and play with the baby without worrying about falling and hurting them or me. And I want to have the time to decide if we want to have more without sacraficing the health of the child. It's just a lot to think about.