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2nd Trimester
Brandyjean30
member
Advice about a friends birthday party...
Brandyjean30
member
I am 20 years old and my best friend is having her 22nd birthday party this weekend. Now normally I would be first in line to this event but she's having it in a bar in our home town. Now the fact that I'm 20 truly isn't an issue. I have DD'ed for friends before and the bartenders just stamp my hand and know not to serve me. The issue here is that I will be 22 weeks pregnant and I feel like a bar is the last place I want to be spending my saturday night. Not to mention word would spread around town so fast and I don't want to listen to all the "bad mom" comments people will have.
When I tried to explain this to my friend she said I'm not even showing so no one will even know I'm pregnant and she will be really mad if I'm not there. After considering it for a while I decided that I'm sticking to my guns and of course now she's not speaking to me.
I've offered to take her to dinner before the bar or to do pretty much anything else with her but she has decided to stop responding to my texts after I told her I wouldn't be going to the actual party.
I need advice here ladies. I feel like I'm making a very responsible decision but now I'm questioning myself. Any advice?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice about a friends birthday party...
With that said, I skipped a party recently because I just didnt have the energy (thats what I told them) and honestly just wasnt into going. No real good reason. They'll get over it.
That is a hard one.
Question- what would give the "bad mom stigma"? Can u smoke in the bar?
I would do what u feel best and hopefully ur friend will come around.
I don't really know. I guess just the fact that I'm pregnant and partying with friends. I just feel like I would be instantly side eyed for it. There's no smoking allowed but lord knows there are fights and drama.
it would not make you a horribke mom! dont worry about what other people think!
as for your friend, she is being a child. you have a reasonable excuse and you offered to take her to dinner. sadly this is the example of a "friend" who may not understand you now that your a mommy (to be!)... my advice, find a new friend
Im sorry
Our Twin Baby + a Big Girl Blog
And with the delivery trifecra of one twin vaginal, one c-section with general anesthesia for twin B, Spencer and Sidney joined us at 35 weeks exactly on June 18.
I had a good friend get married while i was in the "still not showing yet" phase of my pregnancy. I went to the bachelorette party, which was at a bar. Danced with my friends and had a good time. Some men would notice I wasn't drinking and came over and offered to buy me a drink. I would tell them "I'm sorry but I'm pregnant!" Haha quickest way to get a man to leave you alone! There would be so many "sorrys" and practically run away. That was the funniest part of the night!
And even with me really "showing" I still go out with my friends, who cares if anyone gives you the side eye. You know your a good mom. And if anyone else "thinks" otherwise.. who cares! They don't know you. That is just how I think of it. I would be so bored if I stopped going to social gatherings.
I've seen lots of pregnant women out in bars, sipping on something non-alcoholic (I assume). Pregnancy doesn't mean your social life should end.
But it depends on the type of bar, I would think. If it is a club where your fridns will be dancing all night, it might not be something you feel up to. Also, where you live, is smoking allowed in bars? If it was a more relaxed setting like sipping martinis (or mocktails for you) around a table with a few girls, it might be more enjoyable for a pregnant woman and I wouldn't think there would be stigma.
I think in the end, it just depends on what you feel comfortable with. Your life is changing and you can't just attend something because your friend wants you to. She'll come around eventually.
#1) Don't go if you don't feel like it.
#2) Don't let your decision be based upon what other people might think or say... so if you really want to go, GO. If you don't because it's not fun for you (it's not fun for me to be around a bunch of drunk stupid people either, while I'm SOBER-- so I tend to avoid those types of get-togethers) then don't go.
#3) Your "friend" is being immature. I'd stop putting forth effort if she is going to respond in a way that is not adult-like and reasonable.
#4) Find new friends who are on the same level as you (ie: can relate to the fact that your partying days are now limited and you have changed and are morphing into motherhood)
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"Everything happens for a reason"
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THANKS!!
and to PP it's as close to a club as you would have in Small Town America. We don't smoke inside but there will be a DJ and they are there just for her birthday so there will be lots of dancing! I just looked at the event on facebook and she invited 54 poeple there alone. I think it will be very crazy! Maybe for the sake of our friendship I should make an appearance, have a few virgin drinks, dance a bit and then leave earlier around 11 (Bar opens at 9).
Honestly, I think it's a little silly for you to think you "shouldn't" go, just because of what people might think. If there's no smoking in the bar, there are chairs where you can sit down if you need a break, and you won't be drinking (obviously, that part is 100% your choice), then I don't see what the danger is to your baby. If you know you're not doing anything to harm LO, then who the eff cares what others may think??
All of that being said- it's your choice and if you don't feel comfortable with it, then your friend should understand that. She can be disappointed, sure, but to be MAD at you for doing what you feel is right for your LO is just stupid and immature. Unfortunately, as a young mom myself (had DS at 23) I can tell you that she probably won't be the only friend you might lose as your life changes in the next year. Not everyone is going to be understanding of what you're going through, and that's ok. It's better for you and your H to be surrounded by friends who support you, anyway. Here's to the next chapter, and hopefully some new grown-up friends to share it with!
Stick to your guns. How rude of her to even ask you to go, then be mad at you for not wanting to got to a BAR 22 weeks pregnant!
Sorry girl! Your doing the right thing!
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Baby Dust To All!!!