May 2012 Moms
beany02
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would you consider this rude? (mom question)
beany02
member
so my mom is kind of a control freak. she wants to know every little detail about what our plans are for daycare, health insurance, and even baptism (which i havent even thought about yet). she keeps asking me, "so how much is DH's insurance?" "Where are you having her baptized?" etc, etc, etc. whenever DH and i go over to her house, she starts asking him questions about the cost of his insurance. i find it really rude, They are our finances and WE will figure it out. Its insulting, like she thinks im not capable of planning these things myself. I have told her over and over, we will be fine, we will figure it out. Its OUR issue to discuss, not yours. but she stopped by our place last weekend and started questioning DH on his health insurance AGAIN. ugh. whenever i try to tell her she is overstepping her boundaries, she basically laughs in my face. "Well you need to be thinking about this stuff!!!" ummm DUH. i just wish she would give me the respect i deserve, i am a grown woman and she treats me like a child (I'm 27, almost 28). it especially bothers me when she straight up asks DH money questions. i would NEVER ask my stepdad about their financial situation, and i think its inappropriate for her to ask my husband about ours. what should i do? I've tried telling her to stop but she completely disregards my feelings on the issue
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Re: would you consider this rude? (mom question)
I would tell her once that you've got it taken care of and then if she continues to ask, I would ignore her questions.
Another option would be to start asking her questions about her personal finances. Ask her how much she spent on XYZ. She might catch on to how uncomfortable it is to answer personal questions and how irritating it is. This is kind of snarky but my personality is sometimes like that.
Yes, it is incredibly rude and absolutely none of her business. I'd put up a hard boundary and tell her this subject will not be discussed further...ever. Don't let her walk all over you. Moms are good at stepping over the line, and I see nothing wrong with pointing that out.
My mom and MIL overstep their boundaries all the time. It was hard to put up the wall, and we (DH and I) ended up hurting some feelings. It needed to happen though. Sometimes I felt really mean doing and saying what I had to, but they were being incredibly rude to us and it got old. And, quite frankly, our feelings matter too and what they did and said was just as hurtful. My DH and I discussed what we would and would not discuss with either of our families. It really helped us to be able to quickly put the kibosh on any conversation that came up with my mom or MIL. Of course, new issues constantly arise, but not even close to the severity it use to.
Good luck. Mom issues are tough.
My mom is one to ask inappropriate questions. Also me and my sister and her grandkids are her whole life so she thinks about our life more than we do sometimes. My mom knows better to ask DH questions he doesnt want to answer because he will let her know if its none of her business. And if he has a strong opinion on something then you better believe he wont hold that back. If you've tried telling her that her questions are inappropriate and she wont listen, try having DH tell her that "its just not something he is worried about or wants to discuss.
I had a friend who harassed me to pack my hospital bag for weeks almost daily. Then she would call me and be like do you have this yet, do you have this, have you done this yet? When people have to much free time on there hands or are way to excited for you thats the reaction you get sometimes.
sorry to say that is how moms are, and she is trying to show she cares. it is rude and certainly vent away, but if she did not ask anything, or wasn't there to support you (or even nag you) it would probably be worse.
we had a similar problem with my dad being kinda pushy about my husbands job, and i said it was stressing me out and stressing their relationship so my dad had to lay off for one week, it has worked out well it still comes up but much less often.
id tell her that youre an adult, and you ARE thinking about these things....that you have them under control...and it is none of her business. if she continues to press the issue, tell her that if she mentions it again when you are visiting her, you will leave...and that if she mentions it at your house, you will show her the door.
she needs clear boundaries.
This!!!
I think it is really rude. My mother in law will do this sometimes. You need to be thinking about this and that and I want to say "yeah we're not stupid." but I have a good relationship with her and she is not nearly as pushy as your mother! This is one issue that makes me happy im in another country while pregnant lol