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Hope this is ok Xp from dec. board need advice

BookwormyoneBookwormyone member
in LGBT Parenting

I hope it's ok if i post here.  I need advice and someone suggested this board.  My two good friends are having a baby.    I'm trying to find a way for the non pregnant mom to feel involved in the shower.  Friends and family are trying to force her I to the "daddy" role and she's not the dad-- she's another mom.  There's also talk that since she's not carrying the baby the shower has nothing to do with her.  

This hurts her and so her wife and I want to make sure she's included.  I was wondering if anyone had any ideas,  or wanted to share info about their showers if they had one.  How did you make sure the non bio parent was included?  This is huge for her too and I want her to remember her shower as a positive thing and not that big party where no one felt it was important to recognize her as her baby's other mom.

Again, I hope this comes out ok and no one has a problem with me posting.  I just want things to be special for both of them and don't know the best way to go about things. 

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DD1: November 2011
DD2: December 2013

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Re: Hope this is ok Xp from dec. board need advice

  • 2moms2twins2moms2twins

    my wife carried but the Shower we were going to have with family  ( got canceled due to bed rest) was a shower for both of us.  We were both going to be on the invite. 

    Our friend threw us an impromptu shower it also included both of us because we are both their mothers ( we have twins)

    So include both moms on the invite - because both moms are having a baby  in my opinion. 

     -J

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  • TaylorandMelTaylorandMel member

    I am the non-bio mom.  Our shower invites were sent out with both of our names on them.  We both went to the shower, both our names were on the cake, and we both opened gifts--sitting next to each other.

    It depends on what the non-bio mom wants (some don't want part in the shower).  Based on your description, she's wanting to be involved so why not?  Some of our family (we were obligated to invite) do not agree with our relationship even 0.1%, but oh well, it's not about them.  Period.  If they need help to build a bridge, we'll supply the materials.

    Anyone who has a huge problem with it should, and probably will stay home.  I would say to keep your focus on them and not the guests, because it's about the moms and baby.

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  • nevr2amazinnevr2amazin
    They threw a huge shower for us at work. The fliers had both our names on it. Yes, there were some people absent, but I somewhat expected them to be. Include the partner on the invites!
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  • tdmklmtdmklm member
    I carried. Folks at work planned a surprise shower with my wife's help - I had no clue it was happening. Her name was on the cake along with mine, all of the congratulations posters had both of our names, and we opened the gifts together. I wouldn't dream of having a shower without my wife there - she's as much a part of creating our child as I am.
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  • lnelson20lnelson20

    We were thrown a shower for both of us when my wife was pregnant with our first.  It was a couples shower and a lot of fun. We were both named on the evite. I think it would have been weird for our friends if I had been excluded.

    imagetaralyntet:

    Again, I hope this comes out ok and no one has a problem with me posting.  I just want things to be special for both of them and don't know the best way to go about things. 

    I am glad you felt comfortable asking. This is a pretty welcoming board Smile

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  • LolaBelle515LolaBelle515 member

    All of the above:)  Just by you being sensitive to it as the hostess, both moms should feel very welcome.

    We had a shower last weekend (my wife is carrying)...and it never occurred to me to feel like the shower was "less" for me.  Nothing special was done, it was just a shower for both of us.  If you are asking them for their hopes/dreams for the shower  (some hosts do this, others don't...I don't think there's a wrong or right way), just make sure to include both of them in that.  They might appreciate knowing you are clear that this is both of their shower:)  

    They're lucky to have such a thoughtful friend like you, especially if their families aren't as supportive. 

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  • karah0011karah0011 member

    I thres my best friends shower...one of the games we did were questions about each of the moms that people had to guess....ex: where was mom #1 born,  does mom #2 have any brothers and sisters...etc.  Everyone loved it and learned something new about both of the moms.

     Also, invites with both names is a must!

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  • leapgirl8leapgirl8 member
    I just wanted to add that if the invites have already gone out without the partner's name on them, don't feel too bad. Our shower invites say that the shower is in honor of my wife, and while it surprised me, I know that our friends don't think that I am in any way unimportant or less involved with any of this than my wife is. If you make sure that she's involved in all of the "new mom" activities at the shower and she can see that everyone is excited for her too, it will be fine.
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  • BookwormyoneBookwormyone member

    Thank you all so much for your help.  I got some really good suggestions to take back to the other planners.  The invites haven't gone out yet so I'll be sure to fight with the other hostesses to make sure they're both on there.

    I love the idea of games with info about both moms so that will be fun to include too

    I'm really looking forward to making the shower perfect for both of them.  Smile  Thanks again!

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d1425" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
    DD1: November 2011
    DD2: December 2013

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