Do you get along with your parents/ILs?
We see so much around here about crazy inlaws, because this is a great place to vent our frustrations. I was wondering how many of us actually have a pretty good relationship with them.
I am very lucky in that I LOVE my inlaws and parents (2 sets). While they don't always agree with our parenting choices (and they will let us know) they are respectful of them. They don't push their boundaries, are there to help whenever we need it (probably b/c we aren't moochers like some other siblings).
My parents and ILs have always been very "we have our lives, you have yours, we'll see where we meet in between". Basically they say you do your thing and we'll come visit and help when needed but we are not your baby sitters, we are grandparents that spoil and leave.
Re: Do you get along with your parents/ILs?
We are super lucky in both departments. We have our moments where they drive us crazy, but as far as parents and grandparents go, we're really, really lucky.
Three of our four sets of parents (both divorced) live within 20 minutes of us and they each see DS for at least 1/2 a day each week. They spoil him rotten, of course, but we think DS is so lucky to have that relationship with his grandparents.
They are ALWAYS willing to spend time with him and maintain boundaries, even though they live close.
I usually just lurk but I couldn't help but throw my two cents in on this. My parents and in-laws are amazing. My parents are a little overbearing at times, but I understand why. When my sister had her daughter 5 years ago, my parents basically did everything for her - from buying everything she needed to letting my sister live with them. They were the other "parents" as the father wasn't in the picture. They aren't use to not having to be the other parent so it's taken them a little bit of adjusting and backing off. They've done a fantastic job though.
My in-laws are divorced and this is grandbaby #1. It doesn't hurt that they have 3 sons, so we're giving them their first girl. FIL is giddy as can be but pretty much stays out of it unless we go to him. The closer the due date gets, though, the more he's coming around to see if we need anything and if his baby is coming anytime soon. MIL didn't come around much before the pregnancy. The frequency increased a bit, but she always calls first and doesn't try to step on anyone's toes. She had a brain aneurysm about a month ago and has been hospitalized since. It's been extremely rough on all of us, but her key motivation has been her grand daughter. She'll call every few days to check on us and we go to the hospital every few days so she can see the belly and feel Larkin kick.
At times, reading these posts make me really appreciate (more than I already did) the fact that DH and I have such great parents and in-laws. I feel for those that don't have that. I've seen how much stress a negative relationship can be on someone (my sister has a horrible relationship with her daughter's father and family) and it's just a pain.
I too adore my in-laws. They have been so supportive and have always treated me like their daughter from day one. They have the biggest hearts and my MIL and I get along so well. We actually moved back in with them for a while until after our LO is born and I finish up my degree this December. We sold our house a few months ago and are adding to our savings to buy a newer house closer to them. In the 6 years I've known my in-laws, we have never had an argument.
As for the babysitting, my MIL would LOVE to watch our LO but she is committed to taking care of a 2 year old already and I would not feel comfortable leaving her to take care of our LO plus the 2 year old (plus the 2yr old's 3 siblings when they get off of school). But they both have been a blessing in my life.
I am super close with my parents, and H and I have a wonderful relationship with them. Honestly, we rarely disagree on much, but if we do, they are super respectful of our decisions.
My ILs really are great too. I complain about my crazy MIL but she really means well - she just doesn't always think before she speaks, and we have very different opinions on lots of things. My H does a really great job of running interference between the two of us as well, which I appreciate.
Compared to a lot of folks, I don't have much to complain about at all - just some funny stories!
My mom and I butt heads frequently because we are both strong willed and very similar in personality. But I can't imagine life without her- or the rest of my side of the family.
I love my Inlaws. I just wish sometimes they weren't so apprehensive. My MIL doesn't want to intrude on our lives- to a fault. I wish she were more forward about her desires.
My ILs are amazing. They are about 30 min away from us, but aren't intrusive or overbearing at all. DH is always offering to run interference if necessary, but it never is. They have treated me from day 1 like a member of the family. I am truly blessed to have married their son... They said they would keep me even if something happened b/w DH and I!
My parents are wonderful too. They drive me a bit batty sometimes, but I couldn't ask for better family. This LO is going to get a lot of love from a lot of people.
We got along with both my parents and in my in-laws. Even though my in-laws may drive me insane (and my parents probably drive my husband insane), both sides care a lot about us and I'm grateful for it. It could definitely be much worse!
I am very lucky to have grown up in a very functional family. I love my mom, and am super in awe of her and how good she (and my father, who passed away over a decade ago) did raising my siblings and me. This is especially true considering that both she and my father experienced severe emotional abuse from their parents growing up, and probably physical abuse though they never openly stated it. They broke the chain of abuse.
That said? Parents push your buttons because they installed them.
My relationship with my mother is much better now that we live over 900 miles apart. She can be a bit of a martyr, which can get on my nerves. That sort of thing.
My mother in law is pretty rocking. She's currently getting her PhD in race relations at the age of 73. I think she's wonderful, but again, I live halfway across the country from her so there's not a lot of chance of her grating on my nerves. The only issue I've ever had with her is that she always wants to make things as perfect as she can, but that comes out as her asking a kajillion questions and I find that I have a quota of how many questions I can answer in a day. Example: We are visiting her house for a weekend, and she wants to know if I want bagels. This requires questions for: how many bagels? what kind? how much of each? what size? pre cut? lengthwise or crosswise? would you like bagel sticks instead? cream cheese? what flavor? whipped or not? low fat or regular? etc. etc.
Of course, this being my worst problem with her means I am INCREDIBLY LUCKY and don't I know it!
My parents are my best friends, as corny as that sounds. Next to DH and my DD, they are my closest confidants. I adore them, live very close to them, and they come help out with my DD all the time. I couldn't have a family and a career without their support.
My ILs are nice and I love them but they are much more distant and hands off when it comes to grandparenting. I don't really mind, and they live 4 hours away but I wish they wanted to be more involved.
We have a great relationship with my parents and my ILs.
I hang out with my mom a couple times a week and talk to my dad every day on the phone or texting. We have dinner with them around once a week.
I text or talk to MIL several times a week and we have dinner with her and FIL once a week and usually lunch on Sunday after church.
I feel very lucky that we're both close with our families!
Yes, I definitely have the best mom. She is really loving and supportive.
I get along with my in-laws for the most part. However, my mother in law is always late for everything! She was an hour and a half late to our wedding and missed our family pictures! I was pretty annoyed about that. Last Saturday, she was late to my baby shower. She is also bad at planning and can be totally unreliable. For Thanksgiving 2010, she wanted us to go to my husband's uncle's house (her brother). When we showed up, he wasn't even expecting company and had to prepare a last-minute dinner for us. I thought it was so embarrassing and inconsiderate!
My parents and in-laws are a funny bunch, but we love them. My parents are the super helpful (even if you don't always need the help) kind of parents. Though at times you want to tell them to just relax, I know they are absolutely always there for anything we need, so I really do appreciate them. They are super excited to meet the baby. With my mom, we already have the dynamic where she knows that I am very strong-minded and I will always listen to advice, but I might not take it. I tend to be pretty straight-forward about my opinions, so I think we are in a good place where she feels comfortable telling me what she thinks, but doesn't feel offended if I don't agree. She is ready to help out with anything we need with LO when he arrives, but only at our request. She is not being pushy at all about helping.
DH's parents are a totally different story. They are incredibly sweet and loving people, but they are pretty hands-off and do their own thing. If we really needed them, we know they would be there, but in general, they aren't really our "go-to" for anything. I can't even imagine them trying to give us parenting advice. DH and I are really curious to see how they will be with our LO once he arrives (like will they even hold him?). They haven't been overly attached to the other grandchildren, but we think that might be a little more because of their relationships with DH's siblings, which tend to be a little more distant than they are with us. We know that they may be a little weird about things, but that they will love the heck out of this little boy. They just may never, ever babysit him or take him for the afternoon.
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Yes.
My FIL and my own mother can drive me up a freaking wall, but we get along.