Upstate NY Babies

tantrums in public

A confession and a question:  

B had a public meltdown in Target:( I was kinda hoping she'd never do this b/c she's usually really good in the stores (high hopes I know). I sometimes take her there to run around. For some reason the kid LOVES Target. Anyway, she was fine until she saw those chocolate Dove roses they have every Valentines day. She flipped b/c she wanted one. I took her away from the area, said "no"  and she just melted down. Hitting me, thrashing and screaming. She's NEVER done those things before. I sware, it looked like I was kidnapping the child.

Anyway, I took her several isles away and she started running back towards those dang roses. So I handed her one to quite her down. I immediately thought, oh that was a bad choice. I just rewarded that bad behavior. But with the screaming and side eyes I was getting, I just wanted to placate her so I could finish my shopping. But she's soooo hard to say no to, especially since she was using her signs and trying to say please. I know, bad bad bad.

How do you handle the meltdowns in public. Just let them pass, do you leave the store or is there something else? I don't want to be "that" lady with the screaming child every time B doesn't get her way or get something she wants.  

TTC since 6/2003. m/c 9/14/03 8 weeks, 5 chemical pregnancies, mmc 6/04 12 weeks, Michael born sleeping 5/25/05 at 22weeks always our angel, fought ovarian cancer and won, m/c 4/06 5.2 weeks and 7/07 6.6 weeks,Our Miracle baby girl born 4/8/10,mc 12/18/11 at 5.3 weeks, BFP 10/26/12 dating u/s on 11/8/12 showing a strong heartbeat!EDD July 4,2013. RCS on 6/27. Baby boy in NICU for 8 long and scary days before he was able to come home. We are now a happy family of 4

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Re: tantrums in public

  • I don't know if this is right but it works with L.  When he does that I calmly explain that the way he's acting isn't ok and I'm not going to acknowledge this behavior.  Obviously in a way that he understands.  If he's not in the cart I stand there with him until he calms down, and usually he forgets about it within a minute or two.
  • Evan has always been pretty good in stores, granted we never really forced him to sit in the cart or anything. I would shop while DH and Evan ran around. I put Leah in the cart and she screeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmssss bloody murder for stuff constantly. Like I NEED this! Throws it after 2 minutes. I NEEEED that!!!  Repeat. I have started being pretty strict with her to try to "break" her of this *** - so it has been even worse. She is sooooo dramatic - like, throwing herself on the floor or leaning back in the cart. I just calmly tell her she will be ok and distract her as much as I can - but I try not to acknowledge the behavior. AND I don't look at other people so if they are looking at me - whatever :)

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  • How to handle it depends on what she wants.  In our case with Tyler, his meltdowns in stores is usually because he wants to leave.  Which really bites because his tantrums were/are super intense so if I left the store, he got what he wanted.  In your situation where she enjoys Target and wanted the rose, I probably would have left.  Either left to sit in the car until she cooled down and leave your cart in the front explaining you would be back, or left left.  Inconvenient for you, but a lesson learned for her.
  • I give 2 calm warnings of what her consequence will be (usually leaving) and the third time follow through with the punishment.  Its usually annoying/frustrating to leave, but I feel really strongly about following through with consequences and hope it pays off in the long run. 

    Yesterday we had to leave the mall before going to the play area because she threw a fit in the library and kept running away from me.  She was really upset, but she was warned. 

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  • DD did this once at target too..,wanted out of the cart then bolted on me. Here I was 8mos pregnant chasing her through the store. When I finally caught her I told her she could sit in the cart or we would leave. I went to put her in the cart and she stiffened up and screamed. So I abandoned the Cart and we left...I wasnt too happy since I was pretty much done shopping but had to follow through. Of course when we got to my car she was like "I wanna sit in the cart!" needless to say we haven't gone many places since then!
  • I've been pretty lucky with my boys SO FAR.  Dylan is becoming quite the pip so I'm guessing a shopping tantrum is in the near future for us.  My plan is that I would just leave the store if i couldn't get them under control very quickly.  Hopefully it won't be a grocery shopping trip though when I have a cart full of groceries :o)  And wouldn't you just love to say a thing or two to the people that stare???  What jerks!  I'm guessing many have or have had kids so they should undersand.
    Lilypie Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • it depends- I usually try to give L something to hold onto or eat while I shop- to head off any issues or I will give him a "show" on my phone...

    I also started explaining before we go into a store what were are doing there- if he can get something or not- and I keep talking about it while I shop like, "Ok we're grabbing milk, eggs, and swiffers...do you see the milk?" "do you want to hold the box of swiffers, etc?"

    He has had his share of melts downs- if I'm almost done- I let him meltdown- I try to stay calm- tell him I understand he is upset but we're not doing what he hwants right now, and I'm sorry about it... if I just started- I usually try to get him calm or leave...

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  • I usually get him away from whatever set him off, and try to talk him down while I finish my shopping. I typically tell him that his behavior is not acceptable, and if he continues, he won't get his "shows" later. I don't usually have a lot of time to get done what I need to, so I just keep going, albeit at a faster pace. I think I've only had to leave a store once, and that's because he was beyond irrational in his tantrum.
  • I do similar to what Abba does.  I have her strapped in to the cart 100% of the time I take her to the stores.  I almost always bring a snack for her to eat while I shop.  The snack alone usually prevents most issues.  And then whatever I am looking for I have her "help" me by telling her what we are looking for.  She gets so excited when we find it, haha.

    And if there is something that she wants, I will first try to distract her and move on.  If she gets ahold of it - sometimes she swipes things if they are within arm reach, I let her hold on to it until the end and then we go put it back.  Because it lives at the store.  With all it's friends.  And that is why we can't bring it home.

  • imagejnk062602:

    I do similar to what Abba does.  I have her strapped in to the cart 100% of the time I take her to the stores.  I almost always bring a snack for her to eat while I shop.  The snack alone usually prevents most issues.  And then whatever I am looking for I have her "help" me by telling her what we are looking for.  She gets so excited when we find it, haha.

    And if there is something that she wants, I will first try to distract her and move on.  If she gets ahold of it - sometimes she swipes things if they are within arm reach, I let her hold on to it until the end and then we go put it back.  Because it lives at the store.  With all it's friends.  And that is why we can't bring it home.

    This is cracking me up this morning. I can see myself saying it and I am giggling just thinking about it.

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  • Thanks ladies:) I'm hoping I won't have to try any of these b/c that was a one time incident and it won't happen again. You know, I'm an optimist. I like the idea of having her help me try to find something.

    TTC since 6/2003. m/c 9/14/03 8 weeks, 5 chemical pregnancies, mmc 6/04 12 weeks, Michael born sleeping 5/25/05 at 22weeks always our angel, fought ovarian cancer and won, m/c 4/06 5.2 weeks and 7/07 6.6 weeks,Our Miracle baby girl born 4/8/10,mc 12/18/11 at 5.3 weeks, BFP 10/26/12 dating u/s on 11/8/12 showing a strong heartbeat!EDD July 4,2013. RCS on 6/27. Baby boy in NICU for 8 long and scary days before he was able to come home. We are now a happy family of 4

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