Another mom rant, but I'm crying so I need to...
I used to have a good relationship with her, way back when, but our relationship has been strained for a few years now. I want so bad to have a good relationship with her but it seems like this will never happen and I hate to admit defeat but I think I should just give up.
She has developed sever depression which she wont admit or do anything about. The reason for this is her marriage (which she sees no issues with) and how her husband has literally pushed her entire family away. She and he both feel it is the responsibility of the rest of her family (her children) to fix this and make it work but we have tried.
She came to visit tonight because I am not allowed over her house because her husband doesn't want me or my brother over because just us being near him causes stress.... Anyway she brought my Gran who I have a great relationship with and we were talking about the baby and it all was going well. Then we talked about the shower which she is throwing for me. I did not ask for this, she wanted to. I was very thankful but again I never asked or expected it.
She mentioned that she had a real problem with registries and how she hates how society has become and how it seems ungrateful and she was happy to have gotten anything when she was pregnant and for women to now be so specific upsets her. This all came about because she told me prior to this that she wanted to get us something but wont tell us what, that is fine, but she said something significant which would be our travel system, pack and play, or highchair. I picked out a set I liked and put it on my registry but it turns out it is not discontinued. I told her that if she had wanted to get those...or Ill pick out another pattern. Well BLAAM. Turned into her crying saying that she can't talk to me and I have too high of expectations and that she isnt going to tell me what she is giving me and I am rude to ask and for me to do what I want.
I wasnt asking her anything and I dont have too high expectations. Everytime we are together it turns into a fight like this. I talked to her calmly and she kept crying I asked why she was crying and that turned into a fight. I just dont understand. I dont want this.
I just hope I never end up with a relationship like this with my daughter. It kills me.
Re: Another mom rant, but I'm crying so I need to...
#1-BFP 08-22-09 ~ M/C 08-31-09 at 5 weeks 6 days
#2-BFP 08-6-11 ~ Due 04/18 ~ born via c-section April 22, 2012
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I'm sorry, thats upsetting, espcially because we depend (or want to) on our mom's for support.
I think this is a generational thing with registeries. I had similar issues with both my bridal and baby shower. My dad and his girlfriend insist that registeries are rude and refuse to even look at them so for both my showers they bought me a gift of their choice. I said thank you of course, but they wasted their money, it ended up being duplicates of things we got that we picked out, or things we didn't want.
Perhaps explain to your mom that registeries are just suggestion. However things are different and while you are greatful for ANY gift certain items are quite specific and require research etc (such as carseats).
I can tell you that for both my showers I got a lot that was not on my registry and at the risk of soundign incredibly rude a lot of stuff that was crap, I either donated or regifted (I didn't regift crap but just things that weren't my style, like anything character, etc). Its tough but you make do.
Its not even about the gifts, I will be appreciative of anything at all, it was just more that she thought it was horrible of me to even have a registry in the first place and that I was being ungrateful for everything. Its just tough and I want that relationship with her that should be possible between a mother and daughter. The ability to communicate is not too much to ask for.
Thanks ladies.