Dear _____,

Foolish5336 · January 2012

Dear postpartum recovery,

I really thought that you would be done and out of here by now, especially with how picture perfect my delivery went. If you could get on that, I'd be grateful. You are worse than the very worst houseguest.

Disdainfully,

Your unhappy host

Dear dog,

You are ticking me off with how much you are asking to go out today. I get that you have really awful diarrhea. If I didn't get it before, the nice pile you left at the bedroom door this morning would have given me the hint. I almost felt bad for you, except for the fact that you ripped open a huge bag of treats and ate all of them. The bag probably weighed half as much as you, so I can totally understand why your stomach is hurting, but asking to go out right as I sit down to feed DD is really getting on my nerves.

Signed,

Your loving but annoyed owner

Dear everyone,

The next time one of you besides DH calls my child "ours" or "mine", I am probably going to stab you in the eye with a fork. Last I checked, you were not in the room while DD was made, nor while she was born. You are not the one who feeds her from your body, or changes her, or knows how to comfort her when she cries. You did not carry her in your body for nine wonderful but physically damaging months. You are not the one dealing with the fallout of the trauma that was her birth (see above letter for reference), and she is most. definitely. not. YOURS. (And this goes especially for you, MIL, you evil *** witch!)

Seriously,

A's actual parent

Anyone else have an open letter to write?

Eris-Alexis · January 2012

Dear Evil Corporate Overlords,

When I have had two different bosses tell me that I can work from home full time once my LO is born and have therefore not put myself on a waiting list for a daycare center, you can not change the deal at the last minute because you have decided to force me to report to a new boss. A boss who is an investor in the company and came out of retirement because he wasn't satisfied with the lack of profit he was making on his investment. A boss who only cares about revenue and specifically told me that he is not interested in any employee morale or customer satisfaction initiatives, which is what my job entails.

I am now totally screwed and have no idea what I will be able to do for work. This makes finding a new place to live extra difficult, which is not stress that I need (see letter below).

Signed,

One of your many disgusted and dissatisfied employees

Dear A-hole Property Managers,

Screw you for being so money-grubbing that you would willingly kick out all of the good, reliable tenants you have had for years by hiking the rent by almost 16% a month just because you can get new, short-term tenants who are too dumb to know any better to pay those outrageous rates. The property is not that great. I'm certainly not going to pay that much when our lightbulbs keep burning out far faster than they should, the carpet in the hall is coming up, and the handles on the toilets crack.

Signed,

Your soon-to-be ex (and very vocal) tenant

Junebug060609 · January 2012

Dear Son,

Nightime is for sleeping. Daytime is for eating and playing.

Thanks,

Your Tired Mama

Dear 4MW,

Enough already.

Thanks,

Mama Who'd Like More Than 4 Hours of Sleep (Total) Per Night

CheesyPeas · January 2012

Foolish5336:

Dear everyone,

The next time one of you besides DH calls my child "ours" or "mine", I am probably going to stab you in the eye with a fork. Last I checked, you were not in the room while DD was made, nor while she was born. You are not the one who feeds her from your body, or changes her, or knows how to comfort her when she cries. You did not carry her in your body for nine wonderful but physically damaging months. You are not the one dealing with the fallout of the trauma that was her birth (see above letter for reference), and she is most. definitely. not. YOURS. (And this goes especially for you, MIL, you evil *** witch!)

Seriously,

A's actual parent

Oh my goodness, I take yours! Word for word. Amen, sister! I keep this one bottled up because I feel like I'm the only one bothered by it, so I'm so glad to know I'm not alone.

AmorXAeterna · January 2012

Junebug060609:

Dear Son,

Nightime is for sleeping. Daytime is for eating and playing.

Thanks,

Your Tired Mama

Dear 4MW,

Enough already.

Thanks,

Mama Who'd Like More Than 4 Hours of Sleep (Total) Per Night

I second this!

Foolish5336 · January 2012

Lindsey8301:
Foolish5336:

Dear everyone,

The next time one of you besides DH calls my child "ours" or "mine", I am probably going to stab you in the eye with a fork. Last I checked, you were not in the room while DD was made, nor while she was born. You are not the one who feeds her from your body, or changes her, or knows how to comfort her when she cries. You did not carry her in your body for nine wonderful but physically damaging months. You are not the one dealing with the fallout of the trauma that was her birth (see above letter for reference), and she is most. definitely. not. YOURS. (And this goes especially for you, MIL, you evil *** witch!)

Seriously,

A's actual parent

Oh my goodness, I take yours! Word for word. Amen, sister! I keep this one bottled up because I feel like I'm the only one bothered by it, so I'm so glad to know I'm not alone.

You aren't alone! I actually flipped out on my parents for doing it, and I LIKE them. When I hear MIL say it (we don't talk after I basically cut her off for being BSC, but she says it to DH all the time, and I know that she will say it to me the next time I see her in person) I am probably going to need someone to physically restrain me. Haha. It makes me absolutely insane.

Foolish5336 · January 2012

Eris-Alexis:

Dear A-hole Property Managers,

Screw you for being so money-grubbing that you would willingly kick out all of the good, reliable tenants you have had for years by hiking the rent by almost 16% a month just because you can get new, short-term tenants who are too dumb to know any better to pay those outrageous rates. The property is not that great. I'm certainly not going to pay that much when our lightbulbs keep burning out far faster than they should, the carpet in the hall is coming up, and the handles on the toilets crack.

Signed,

Your soon-to-be ex (and very vocal) tenant

I feel your pain on this. We live in a college town, so prices are already ridiculously jacked up, and whenever there is a rent increase it is ridiculous.

We are lucky now because we rent from someone who does a lot of business with my H, and if they tried to pull that on us they would actually be losing money since he would most likely return the favor!

Ernie52408 · January 2012

Dear DS-

All the cool kids are STTN by now. Let's be cool.

Signed-

Your still-exhausted mommy

Dear Sinuses,

Yes it's winter in St. Louis. Yes it's 65 degrees outside. I know this confuses you, but lets be angry and cause a raging sinus infection. I'd like to feel well enough to go outside and enjoy this nice weather.

Signed,

Ugh.

Dear husband,

I get that you work all day. And yes, overtime is hard (not sure if you remember the 70+ hour work weeks I pulled while your butt was unemployed..). The thing is, I'm working too. Being a SAHM doesn't mean I sit on my butt all day. You get lunch, bathroom breaks, and you get to sleep in 8 hour stretches. Not to mention you get to leave your job at the end of the day. I love my baby, but 20 minutes to shower by myself at the end of the day would be glamous. Mmm..Kay?

Signed,

You know who.

CheesyPeas · January 2012

Foolish5336:
Lindsey8301:
Foolish5336:

Dear everyone,
The next time one of you besides DH calls my child "ours" or "mine", I am probably going to stab you in the eye with a fork. Last I checked, you were not in the room while DD was made, nor while she was born. You are not the one who feeds her from your body, or changes her, or knows how to comfort her when she cries. You did not carry her in your body for nine wonderful but physically damaging months. You are not the one dealing with the fallout of the trauma that was her birth (see above letter for reference), and she is most. definitely. not. YOURS. (And this goes especially for you, MIL, you evil *** witch!)
Seriously,
A's actual parent
Oh my goodness, I take yours! Word for word. Amen, sister! I keep this one bottled up because I feel like I'm the only one bothered by it, so I'm so glad to know I'm not alone.
You aren't alone! I actually flipped out on my parents for doing it, and I LIKE them. When I hear MIL say it (we don't talk after I basically cut her off for being BSC, but she says it to DH all the time, and I know that she will say it to me the next time I see her in person) I am probably going to need someone to physically restrain me. Haha. It makes me absolutely insane.

I get pissed off every time I look at pictures on Facebook because MIL always has to chime in with a "my" or "our" especially if me or DH refer to DS as ours. It's like she wants to trump it. For example, DH posted a pic with the caption "my little dude" and MIL comments with "Granny's little dude!" Vomit. It's almost like she WANTS to be stabbed in the eye with a fork!

itsmegin · January 2012

I'm so with you on the "my baby" thing. My ILs and my family keep saying that! Drives me nuts! At least today my mom realized it and corrected herself. Hope your recovery starts going better soon!

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