Since we are already on a slightly morbid topic...

queenbone · January 2012

Davez post below reminded me to make a phone call to the cemetery where we have two plots. (they sent us only one deed even though we paid for two) Anyway while I had her on the phone I asked her if the plots next to ours are still available, and they are.

The reason I picked this cemetery is because my Gr-g-parents are buried there and he bought 8 additional plots, enough for his 4 children and their spouses. So my grandparents will be there too in addition to gr aunts & uncles.

After my dad died, my mom and I had to throw together a memorial and stuff quickly. Ironically earlier that summer I had asked my parents what they wanted after they died and they didn't want to talk about it; they thought I was being morbid and creepy. I thought I was being topical since we were driving back from a funeral in Seattle. Anyway, the last thing I wanted to do when I was 38 weeks pregnant was drive around picking out venues for a memorial service and shopping for urns for my dad. I decided I would make sure that no one would have to do that instead of grieving after I die.

As a result DH and I put two graves on layaway. (He thinks I'm morbid and creepy too) But now that they are paid off I am considering buying 2 more plots for the boys. It is much more affordable if you buy them in advance, and then we'd all be grouped together. What do you think?

desabean · January 2012

I wouldn't but I am sort of anti-cemetary.

Also, hopefully your boys will live long full lives and may (ok will most likely) have strong ideas of where they want to be whether it be buried with their wives in another state, cremated, etc.

just my 2 cents.

schmoodle · January 2012

I guess I'm in the morbid/creepy camp. I could MAYBE think about this for DH and I in, say, 10-20 years. I just can't think about a place to bury my kids though - maybe because I already have two that need to be buried and can't even bring myself to do it for them, we just keep the ashes with us (and plan to do so indefinitely - I don't want to buy a plot or headstone for them and then either move away or not be able to move away because I don't want to be that far).

ETA: On a lighter note and to f/u on desa's comment - do you already want to be making yourself the overbearing MIL, this far in advance? How would you have felt if your husband's family had a plot for him and his sibling(s), if any, and not room for you? Or what if your family was located elsewhere and you wanted to be buried there? And what about THEIR children? It just seems premature to me.

DavezWife · January 2012

(sorry)

I think it's a nice idea, plus you're taking a bit of the strain off your kids, too. When my gram died, they got some more plots around her, and everyone was getting irked about how it was unncessary, let's just worry about her's right now, etc. but then when my poppa died, it sure made things easier, and their kids already kinda know the plan, too.

To counter that, MY parents have made NO arrangements what so ever, NO LTC plans, nothing. They just joke about their "vow renewal" they made a while back: "you shoot me, I'll shoot you." Which is stupid, and they irritate me to no end. lol.

I know NOTHING of their wishes, or how we'd even pay for things. That kinda worries me.

(ps - sidebar - make sure people know your plans. I had a hospice patient one time that had EVERYTHING arranged, and told no one that was in her life at her old age to share it with us. She almost got plunked in some common plot, when, in fact, her and her husband had the WHOLE thing arranged and paid for long before HE died.)

howleyshell · January 2012

queenbone:
But now that they are paid off I am considering buying 2 more plots for the boys. It is much more affordable if you buy them in advance, and then we'd all be grouped together. What do you think?

Honestly? I think your sons will grow up to have families of their own and may well want their final wishes to include their spouses.

As long as your heart won't be broken if they don't use them then I think it's a nice gesture but as someone always on the look out for how my behavior will impact my future daughter-in-laws it might not be what they end up choosing to use and the money may end up wasted.

I wouldn't be happy burying my husband near his parents in a state half a country away where there's no room for me and frankly I wouldn't use it for him even if his parents had pre-paid for it, KWIM?

queenbone · January 2012

You can interpret me being overbearing if you wish, but that isn't my intention. I'm just giving them options, if the plots are not wanted or unused they can be sold back to the cemetery. If cremated there can be two sets of remains in each plot, and I think maybe you can still get two caskets stacked one on top of the other, but can't remember if that is right or not, so there would potentially be room for spouses. Hopefully I'll be dead, so what will I care if they use them or not?

And I would love to be buried in DH's family cemetery, but it is really old and has no more room in it.

howleyshell · January 2012

queenbone:
I'm just giving them options, if the plots are not wanted or unused they can be sold back to the cemetery.

Then go for it!

schmoodle · January 2012

howleyshell:
queenbone:

I'm just giving them options, if the plots are not wanted or unused they can be sold back to the cemetery.

Then go for it!

Ditto - and in case it wasn't clear, I was kidding on the "overbearing MIL" point. I don't know much about this kind of thing so I didn't know you can sell them back. If that's the case and you're ok with it I don't see a problem doing so. Again, not something I have the emotional capacity to think about for us right now but if you can, and have the resources, I don't see why not.

GypsyEsq · January 2012

I think it's a nice thing to do but it is creepy. I also think that no matter what the intention if I found out my MIL had purchased plots for her sons, including my husband, and there wasn't space for me, I'd be sad. Moreover, I assume it would be in their hometown not where we'd built our lives or if God forbid something happened to him now, where we are. In any case, my parents have plots in my Mom's hometown, but have recently moved here to be close to me and are now in a different state so this actually came up in conversation the other day. They are selling theirs back and will make some different arrangement. It's nice to know they are thinking about it and as their adult child I appreciate it.

Dr.Loretta · January 2012

If you want the family all buried together, go for it.

DH's family is all buried together, and his mom and her sisters all have plots. My family is all going the cremation route, so plots are a waste of $ for us

schoolsoutbride · January 2012

I wouldn't buy plots for my kids. I plan on being cremated though. Who knows what they'll want, KWIM? Plus, they could get married and would want to be by their spouses, I'd think.

laura1 · January 2012

howleyshell:
queenbone:
I'm just giving them options, if the plots are not wanted or unused they can be sold back to the cemetery.
Then go for it!

I agree with this! You never know what will happen (morbid and creepy here, too), and if god forbid something did happen, everyone would be glad that you were prepared. When your DS's do grow up and get married, just make it known that they are more than welcome to sell the plots back (or that you will do it for them). Your future DILs can't be mad about something you did when your children were toddlers. If you did it when they were engaged or already married, then you would be an overbearing MIL!!

BoilerSuz · January 2012

I guess my family is morbid as my plot and those for my future family were purchased around my birth. The church I grew has a cemetary. At some point it began to get a bit full in the front portion so they expanded therefore opening up another few acres. My grandparents already owned their blocks so my parents purchased like5 or 6 thinking their child and the child's family. The currently reality is neither of my parents want to be burried but plan to be creamated and hopefully scattered in the carribbean / under the tree in their front yard. They will however, have a marker placed in the cemetary.

As for my immediate family I'm okay with a marker and fun scatter.

kgs0505 · January 2012

My grandparents bought plots for themselves and their sons. I have to say it was tremendously easier when my grandma and dad died. One less thing to worry about. My parents are divorced and my mom wants to be buried by her grandma, so they never really planned to be buried together anyway. Unfortunately my mom has lost her opportunity for the plot next to her grandma. There is an occupant now. So I guess when she does die I'm going to have to scramble to figure out where to have her buried, in addition to picking out a coffin, which she wants to have flannel lined and her lassie dog in there with her

I guess my family is very practical. My aunt and uncle just bought their plots too.

LisaBRM · January 2012

We know where we'll be buried. We have a family circle and all pay membership to be part of it. With that comes space in the family plot. When that plot is full (it's the second one), the family circle will purchase more space. I don't think it's morbid at all. In fact, I always thought that everyone had someone like this and thought it was weird when I found out that people don't have this kind of stuff arranged. When Glenn's dad died (I wasn't around yet), they had to quickly go out and buy plots. I seriously couldn't imagine that.