Pregnant at 40 and not wanting to move

sonja1403 · January 2012

So here is my dilema. I've been friends with my boyfriend forever, however we only started dating a little over a year ago. Of course, the honeymoon period is wonderful, however you get to really know someone as time moves on. We've had our ups and downs and split up a time or 2. He lives 2 hours away and is always at my house on the weekends. We both wanted to have children, and I said when we first started dating, if it would ever happen, I'd move with him 2 hours away... Well, then all the fights, etc came up, but I never stopped loving him... He has some issues to me, controlling somewhat, anger issues, but I tend to be blind... I found out in December I was pregnant, and we've went back & forth about me moving... He wants to start looking for a house where he lives, 2 hours away, he has a really good job recently promoted. Me, I've lived in my town forever, lived in the house I bought (still paying mortgage) for 16 years, I have a good job I've been at and like for 18 years, my parents live very close and are getting older so I want to be close as the only other family member is my sister that also lives in the area. So boyfriend & I get into this huge blowout because I tell him I really don't want to move away from my family, friends, good job, home, etc. So now I'm a lying f'n fewothernastywords person, and he's telling his family about how I'm ruining his life because I lied and wont move and he wants nothing to do with me. And after the baby is born if I even try to come after him for money he will get an attorney and sue me till I can't afford my house and want custody. He refuses to even attempt to look for a job here (where by the way all his family is from and he was originally from). He said there will be no job ever with what he does because this city is horrible (he's in the airline)... Soooo, now I'm a no good lying (insert every bad name you can think of), and he wants nothin to ever do with me and 'my' baby (he's refusing to even say it's his). How can someone be so mean when things were very good with us when it was good? I know I'm being somewhat stubborn because of 40 years set in my ways and where I've lived all my life, but should I really move and hate being away from my family/friends/work and have him support me and me always have to ask him for $$$ just to be able to drive 2 hours to visit my family? I'm scared and not sure what to do...

expectingnothing · January 2012

You don't want to hear this but he's doing you a favor by showing you his true colors now before you end up moving. Take it from me - moving and divorcing and separating out assets is a huge hassle you will be able to avoid by staying put and keeping your job. Your job = your independence. You've made it this far on your own with your own home and are doing great. There is no doubt in my mind that you should NOT move for him. You will NEED the support of your friends and family around when the baby is born. It won't be a picnic but you can do it. He can't sue you for anything - what's he going to sue you for? That he got you pregnant and you won't move and cater to him? See a few more posts on this board and you'll see the common theme of the men getting all pissy and throwing around baseless threats. Stay where you are and right now unless he makes huge changes assume you may be a single parent. But you'll be much happier in the end.

mmttc · January 2012

Don't move. Get a lawyer draw up papers for him to sign giving up parental rights and hope he signs them.

Ariana2O11 · January 2012

He can't sue you for anything. Get a lawyer and file for child support as soon as the baby is born. I even made my STBXH pay for half of the baby supplies that I had purchased for the baby before he was born (crib, bottles, clothes, car seat, etc.).

He should be financially responsible for this child just as much as you.

DaringMiss · January 2012

He is talking out of his @ss. Ignore his rants. He is trying to bully you into doing something for his convenience.

Print out his emails and save his voice mails. They may come in handy when he tries to go to court and tries to paint himself as Father of the Year.

You can choose to email him with updates of your pregnancy or only respond when he asks for information. Do not talk to him on the phone. Let it go to voicemail. Send him an email telling him that phone conversations are proving to be too stressful, so you will only be communicating with him through email.

Make an appointment with a family law attorney and ask about your rights.

PrincessFiona9 · January 2012

Definitely don't move. Obviously he's unstable and why would you want to be with someone who would say things like that? You will be so much better off staying there and being in your own home, with a good job, and family and friends nearby. Moving would only isolate you and exacerbate the problems.

DHYGchica3 · January 2012

I agree with everything everyone previously said. There is NO reason for you to move. Being a parent is tough enough, you will want the support of your family and friends. You will most likely become isolated if you do move, and if he's becoming controlling now, I wouldn't be surprised if it only gets worse were you to move in with him.

taparham · January 2012

Hi is showing you what it will be like to be with him. As you said he is controlling and by his response he seems to be. Instead of talking things over with your and reassuring you that being together is a good think he has shown you how bad it will be. Please don't cave in and go with him. He can not take anything from you. He will have to support you and your baby and he calls it. Good luck and trying to stay as stress free as you can.

Pregnant at 40 and not wanting to move

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