Moms of twins or 2 close in age - sharing

emsumm · January 2012

How much do you referee? Like, say kid 1 has a book, and kid 2 swoops in and yoinks it. What do you do?

I used to get the book, then give it back to its original owner. This is a) exhausting, b) tantrum-inducing, c) doesn't seem to do much. OTOH, I don't want them to learn to steal toys, so it feels necessary. What is the right approach with this behavior.

*I think this issue is somewhat unique to siblings and twins, because they are together all.the.time. At a playdate, it is a given that you can be on top of your kid the whole time. At home, though, this is a constant, ongoing issue.

CinemaGoddess · January 2012

I usually laugh.

Then I give it back to the original owner and give the stealer something else to play with.

Which inevitably leads to the stealee stealing the item the stealer was given.

LALASEPT05 · January 2012

I agree with PP...if one gets really upset about it then I give it back to the one who had it first and try to redirect the other to a new toy. It seems to be happening more frequently now especially depending on who I'm playing with. It's hard to paly with one toy and two one year olds. I read somewhere though that when they are older you should make the child give back the toy they stole rather than taking it from one to give back. I am definitely not at a place where can understand that but maybe one day!

emsumm · January 2012

I want to kiss you guys right now.

Gravy, that's basically my plan of attack now. I just can't keep on top every case of thievery. Plus, I feel like an idiot chasing after Maya who's waving the pilfered item around whilst running around in circles, of course with a death grip on the stolen goods. I'm so freaking glad that you guys have come to the same conclusion. And yup, I get after it if the other one is freaking, but they've got to learn to work it out together at some point, right? (RIGHT??).

CG, you must have equal opportunity thieves :P

JillAly · January 2012

I just started trying something new because I was exhausted refereeing. It seems to be working for the 4 days I've been doing it. When ds steals something from dd, I get up and take it away so no one has it. I found if I just give it back to dd, then ds takes it again so that didn't work for me anyway. Taking it away for good (for the night) really got ds angry so he stopped taking dd's toys. Now he will trade toys with her- he hands her another toy to distract her and then when she lets go of the toy he wants, he takes that one. So far, so good!

D&HMom · January 2012

Delaney is the master manipulator! She gets a toy and starts to make it look cool and then hands it to Harry. He then drops the toy she wants and is happy with his cool new toy. She walks away happy.

Its wrong on so many levels but it works for us. I only referee if Harry gets upset. But even if she does just take he is usually so happy that he doesn't get mad.

One day I will have to teach her that she can't do this but right now I really like the peace!

emsumm · January 2012

D&HMom:
Delaney is the master manipulator! She gets a toy and starts to make it look cool and then hands it to Harry. He then drops the toy she wants and is happy with his cool new toy. She walks away happy.
Its wrong on so many levels but it works for us. I only referee if Harry gets upset. But even if she does just take he is usually so happy that he doesn't get mad.
One day I will have to teach her that she can't do this but right now I really like the peace!

That's really funny :P Smart girl.

I have one that steals more than the other. Naomi likes whatever Maya has, but Maya is pretty laid back and won't always react. Once in awhile she'll retaliate by taking Naomi's prized possession (Owl) and taunting her with it. Rather clever, really.

Haven1 · January 2012

If they don't care, I don't care. Although there are a few things they have deemed "mine". DS1 gets the Elmo, DSe gets the orange car, etc. They both know that it belongs to the other, and I will police that. In a world where they share everything, I want them to feel like something is theirs alone.

JoannaJes · January 2012

Even though my kids are close in age, I think it would be different for twins. I mean, you have two kids at the same age with pretty much the same ability. I referee a lot because DS is able to swipe a toy from DD and keep it away from her, while she isn't. I taught DS how to "trade" with DD if she has something that he wants.

Cat703 · January 2012

Makayla is constantly stealing toys from Michelle. I?ve gotten really good at reading the signals and catching her right before the act. Luckily her twin sister is more patience and content to play with something else most of the time. I noticed when I tried playing referee she Makayla it a personal challenge/game. Even when it?s the exact same toy she wants them both, so for us distraction works best. I try to throw in the ?share? word now and then hoping eventually they?ll get it?.so far no dice.

emsumm · January 2012

Haven1:
If they don't care, I don't care. Although there are a few things they have deemed "mine". DS1 gets the Elmo, DSe gets the orange car, etc. They both know that it belongs to the other, and I will police that. In a world where they share everything, I want them to feel like something is theirs alone.

Cat, cute girls

Haven, I agree. Naomi has her owl, and Maya isn't really into possessions, but I got her a hippo that is like N's owl, just so she has something that is just hers. I didn't want to always take owl back from Maya, and Maya not have something that was hers, too.

veronicacorningstone · January 2012

ItsAllGravy7:
Meh...I honestly don't care too much. Like you said constantly playing ref would just be too exausting. If Charlie is playing with something and Brady jacks it and Charlie doesn't care...cool. If Charlie were to FREAK then maybe I would say "Let's play with this instead" and see if I can divert his attention to something new (which at his age is easy) then if he continues to freak and wants original toy I'll give it back to him and give Brady something new instead. I agree I don't want them toy stealing but I don't think that's avoidable at this age. They want anything the other one has. As long as no one is having fits I don't care who steals what. Once he's older I'll explain that he can't take toys someone is already playing with and give a time limit such as "you each get 5 minutes with the toy" after the 5 minutes though I'll guarantee they've just moved onto something else.

Pretty much this.

There's not much else you can do.

robinsokj · January 2012

I usually let them figure it out on their own and only intervene if it gets violent. Which seems to be happening more and more lately.

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