mommy fail :(

kastle · January 2012

Sprout hasn't been doing so well in daycare (he goes 2x/wk). I thought maybe it was just crying during drop offs (and I tried all the things you all suggested!) but it's gotten to the point where he just asks for me all day long & when he hears the door, he thinks it's me & starts crying.

My heart is breaking. I didn't realize it had gotten so bad & he was so sad. To be fair, he does the same thing for his dad when I'm at home with him (asking for him, looking out the window, running to the door when he hears someone outside) but he doesn't cry.

DCP has suggested doing half days every day for a few weeks so that he gets into a routine & knows where he's going to go in the AM. I hope that works.

I have a job interview today that I was really looking forward to. Who knew it was possible to have the working mom guilt before you even had job?!?!?

NicoNiko · January 2012

That's not a mommy fail at all! Some kids just have a hard time adjusting and, as much as it sucks, it will pass. It sounds like DCP has a good solution to do half days. Hang in there! It's hard---I have been there....and I think I will be there again with my DS.

QueSrah · January 2012

That sounds rough. 18 months is a hard time for separation anxiety, even when you've been in a solid routine for a while. I hope adjusting to a schedule he can understand a little better when he'll see you next helps him settle in.

(On the bright side - at least he's looking for *you* rather than daddy? I know we're all struggling with being the preferred parent or not in different ways...)

kastle · January 2012

QueSrah:

(On the bright side - at least he's looking for *you* rather than daddy? I know we're all struggling with being the preferred parent or not in different ways...)

That's true. I'm not sure if it's because I do the drop-off/pick ups though so I'm the one expected.

We tried daddy doing a drop off & that was a Very Bad Idea.

kafunder · January 2012

Oh no! Poor Sprout. I didn't see yoru other post, but I'm wondering if you're prolonging drop-off? My DCP says that to limit separation anxiety, the best way to do it is to make drop-off fast so that DCP can get them into an activity quickly. Most days, I just hand her the kids at the door and walk away (we do kisses on the way to the door). For kids that are really having a tough time, she'll give them breakfast immediately b/c it is usually a sufficient distraction to get them back on track. I'm sure you've tried these things but just wanted to throw them out there. Working mom guilt is rough.

WinesNotWhines · January 2012

Aw that sucks. I've heard it's harder for kids to adjust to daycare when they only go 1-2 days a week, so maybe your DCP's idea of having him go for half days every day will make it easier on him. Fingers crossed!

kastle · January 2012

kafunder:
Oh no! Poor Sprout. I didn't see yoru other post, but I'm wondering if you're prolonging drop-off? My DCP says that to limit separation anxiety, the best way to do it is to make drop-off fast so that DCP can get them into an activity quickly. Most days, I just hand her the kids at the door and walk away (we do kisses on the way to the door). For kids that are really having a tough time, she'll give them breakfast immediately b/c it is usually a sufficient distraction to get them back on track. I'm sure you've tried these things but just wanted to throw them out there. Working mom guilt is rough.

I've tried quicker drop offs. His bottom lip starts quivering as soon as I start taking him out of his car seat.

Hey Jellisy · January 2012

Poor little guy. It sounds like he has separation anxiety. I really like your DCPs suggestion of going daily for a few hours - perhaps the routine will eventually make it easier.

MrsNJSwimmer · January 2012

Hey Jellisy:
Poor little guy. It sounds like he has separation anxiety. I really like your DCPs suggestion of going daily for a few hours - perhaps the routine will eventually make it easier.

Our LO had sep anx pretty bad too. It's so hard as a parent to feel like you're doing the right thing with your kid if you are away from him for even a minute! But it does get better.

And no, it's not a mommy fail! Just part of helping him adjust to the world

belizeitornot · January 2012

Awww, poor Sprout. Trust me, it is totally possible to have mommy guilt before even starting a job. H is starting daycare 2x a week next week, and pretty much walking out the door of the center after signing her up I was a mess. For me, I'll still have 3 days a week with her all day, but I needed two days to be able to get my part time job work done without her around. And she's in a great place, but you can't help but squelch that guilty feeling.

I hope we're not going to have an issue with her because we're in a big mommy and only mommy phase right now.

Is it possible that you could spend some time there during the day? (in addition to shorter days) Maybe that's a bad idea and your DCP would be a better person to tell you if that is usually a successful tactic or not.....

BirdGirl01 · January 2012

Awww. Poor mom. You could have my issue. DD seemingly prefers our nanny more than me. She certainly spends more awake time with her. I'm dying for her to learn our nanny's name so she can stop calling her "Ma ma." There's always something to feel guilty for.

emack · January 2012

I don't have any suggestions to add, just words of sympathy. That must feel terrible. I'm sure he'll be fine in the long run, but in the meantime it just stinks for both of you. For what it's worth, DD (daycare baby from 4 months) went through a few phases where she was really unhappy at daycare but it always passed within about 3-4 weeks. Hang in there.

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