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3rd Trimester
Repost from 0-3 months I feel horribly guilty...
I hate breastfeeding, it's not something I ever pictured myself doing but wanted to try. It's only been 2 days but I dread everytime they say it's time to feed him, I know a lot of women love the bonding but I'm just finding it akward and stressful. Yesterday I asked the nurse for formula so DH could feed him and he sucked it down quick and fell right to sleep and DH loved the expirience. Part of me would just love to switch to formula but the guilt is killing me. Is the colostrum where they get all the antibodies? I'm trying to At least get him that. I had a long labor, 3 hours of pushing and eventually a c section and I am jus drained but I want to do what's best for my son, I'm Wondering if it's formula since I'm So unhappy breastfeeding and I can get more help with Formula. Thanks for letting me vent
Married my best friend 5/2/2008
TTC our first miracle since November 2010
BFP 3/16/2011 Chemical Pregnancy 3/20/2011
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Re: Repost from 0-3 months I feel horribly guilty...
1st- IF you do decide to stop then you should not feel guilty at ALL! so do not do that to yourself.
2nd- BUT if you do want to breastfeed then I encourage you to stick with it for another couple weeks before deciding. The first few days/ week are SO beyond hard (at least they were for me with #1, my 2nd was a little easier but still hard for a few days) getting into the routine, getting a good latch down, getting past the pain at first- it's all HARD, but after that BF was SO much easier for me then FF. I didn't have to get a bottle ready, I could just pop dd in bed with me when she was hungry, feed her, put her back in her basinet. we never left the bedroom, I didn't have to get up etc. plus I really did enjoy the bonding once the adjustment period was over.
fwiw- I BF both dd most of the time but from day 3 both of them got one bottle of formula a day from DH. I would go to bed at 9ish and he's a nightowl so he would stay up until dd would wake up for the first time and give her formula then put her back down.
Its really hard in the beginning- that is why so many people quit. It was very painful for me for a long time (despite the fact that we were doing it right), but in the end I couldn't quit because, quite simply, all the research and reading I had done showed over and over breast is best for the baby.
As the PP said, you have to be REALLY motivated in the beginning. It is time consuming, awkward and exhausting, and for many (myself included) painful in the first month or so. The whole bonding thing comes much later.
If you really don't want to give in, get a certified LC in right away- many of the LCs at the hospital are worthless. I had a wonderful LC come to my house with my DD and she was just the motivation I needed. Also, remind yourself that every time you give your baby formula, your body is not getting the cue to make more milk...which will make it take longer to bring in your milk and maintain a good supply.
To have that bonding enjoyable experience later you have to put in the hard work now plain and simple. Yes, BF is natural, but it is not instinctual. You have to learn how to do it as you do with anything else and as with anything else, there is a learning curve.
I read this article (from kelly mom) every time I considered quitting...It really helped me get through the difficult patches. GL
Are mothers supposed to love breastfeeding 24 hours a day?by Glenda Dickerson, IBCLC. Reprinted with permission from the author.If there is a day or week where you no longer feel like you are loving or even enjoying breastfeeding, does it mean that this is the right time to stop?I have felt for years that many mothers wean because they thought they were supposed to love and/or enjoy breastfeeding 24 hours a day. Some of the mothers I have admired the most are mothers that breastfed in spite of not being in love with the act of breastfeeding. They breastfed because they knew it was the right choice for their babies.Our culture has become so addicted to the concept that we are supposed to only do what makes us happy or brings us immediate joy, that we lose a lot of the good stuff along the way--pride in accomplishment, joy in fulfilling a commitment, feeling of achievement through meeting a goal. I don't think this means people are more selfish today than they were in the past, I just think they have been taught to have different expectations about what they are supposed to feel and how they should respond to those feelings.Breastfeeding is the ultimate gift a woman gives her baby--because she chooses everyday whether to continue or to stop. Don't look at breastfeeding as something you will enjoy or even like all the time, but as a commitment to your child's health--similar to the commitment of staying married even when you don't particularly like your husband for a few days, or staying in college when it is really rough for a while. There are peaks and valleys with breastfeeding and sometimes you will thoroughly enjoy it, and sometimes you will resent it--but in the end you will not regret one day that you stuck with it, even though you were not feeling that joy 100% of the time. When you are in a valley, rest assured that the joy you have felt with feeding in the past will reappear and you will be glad you waited it out.Breastfeeding -- it's too important not to.* I hated it too. I mean I REALLY REALLY hated it.
*I did not feel the bonding, etc. at first. It's a little difficult to feel all warm and fuzzy when you have a baby on your boob CONSTANTLY and it HURTS!
*It gets better. If you really want to breastfeed, I PROMISE it gets better. The longer you go, the easier it gets.
*If you decide you really don't want to, there is no shame in that either.
Listen to your heart on this. If it would break your heart to quit, then don't. But if you feel that you'd all be happier if you quit, then there's your answer.
I ended up breastfeeding for 14.5 mos and I am very glad I stuck through it.
GL!
No matter what anyone tells you or who they are, it is your body, your baby and your choice... Don't feel guilty for that. As long as you are doing your best and being the most loving Mom you can be, you are doing your job. BF is NOT mandatory...
I know how you feel, I tried it for about a week and decided it wasn't working for me (physically or emotionally), and we had a FF baby... She thrived! She is perfectly healthy and happy, and so were we... Luckily nobody around me made me feel bad or put pressure on me for making that choice. There are healthy babies everywhere, some are BF, some are FF, but no matter what you choose to do your LO will be just fine!
Well, I'm going to be mean.
Breastfeeding is hard. It could be 2 months before you really get the hang of it. If you want your DH to feed your child, you can nurse and pump. That's what I did.
If you don't nurse:
1. I think your child will miss out on antibodies.
2. It will take longer for your body to get back to normal.
3. Some people will judge you for quitting so soon.
4. Formula is shockingly expensive.
5. It's a lot easier to nurse at 2 am than it is to heat up a bottle.
Seriously don't feel guilty. Just do what you can and want to do and leave it at that. Formula is packed with tons of vitamins and has everything a baby needs, so you aren't denying your son anything. You are right that the colostrum and the breastmilk are what give antibodies to the baby and really helps their immune system, but formula does try to mimic that to an extent. If you can, maybe try to just give him a little for at least the first few weeks (especially with the colostrum), but if you can't, don't let it stress you out. Breastfeeding is very hard and is not for everyone.
I agree with many of the points from PP. BFing is definitely hard/painful/frustrating at the beginning. However it does get easier. For me most of the struggles were completely gone or at least drastically better by 6 wks. When I started BFing I thought I would only go for about 6 months. At 6 months BFing had become so easy (even with some allergy issues) that I just couldn't justify the extra time and money for formula feeding. I ended up EBFing DD until she switched to WCM at 13 months. If it is important to you I would suggest not giving up quite yet. Give it a couple more weeks and see how you feel.
Ermmm people will judge you for quitting so soon, for starting in the first place, for pretending to like it, for hating it, for FF, for BF, for using disposable diapers, for using cloth diapers... My point is people will judge you NO MATTER what you decide. The best thing you can do it ignore them. You can't please everyone and this is YOUR personal choice that is designed to suit you and your family BEST. No one can tell you want will work the best for you.
Also the whole breastfeeding gets your body back to normal faster is not true for everyone and for some people it just might be easier to heat up a bottle at 2am, especially if you are having an incredibly hard time BFing in the first place.
I am going into this making short term goals and if they don't work out, I refuse to beat myself up over it. I have to go back to work fairly quickly after my delivery and frankly I don't really see myself continuing to BF after I'm back to work. I will most likely at least be supplementing with formula if not completely switched over to it by that time.
I do agree with the comment about not quitting on your worst day. Maybe try setting a short term goal since you are just a couple days in and if that doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. I think it's a lot more important for mom to be happy and for baby to be fed than for you to be completely miserable all the time. BFing just doesn't work out for some people and as others have said, formula is not evil.
Make short term goals. I wouldn't quit before 2 weeks, those are the hardest.
At 2 weeks, look back at this post and ask yourself if it's better. If it is, go another 2 weeks.
I breastfed DS and to be honest, I did not particularly love it. I didn't mind it, it just wasn't something I particularly looked forward to or felt strongly about. But I stuck with it because thankfully I did not really have any issues doing it and it was convenient (and free!). So don't feel guilty about not feeling that it's just a magical, wonderful, bonding experience all the time.
However, I do agree that you should give it another week or two before you stop completely. The first couple weeks with a newborn is HARD and sometimes the hormones/lack of sleep, etc can make things even more stressful. After a couple weeks you'll get a better routine going and then you can see if it gets better. At that time, if it is still not working out, just switch to formula and do not feel guilty about your decision. You have got to do what's best for you and your baby, and nobody knows that situation more than you do.
This won't be the last or only hard/painful/challenging/unpleasant thing you do as a mom.
You have to do what is right for your family, but don't forget... now that you're a mom and responsible for another life, quitting because you don't like it or it's too frustrating is rarely an option.
In this case, there is another option though. It's not as if not BFing will cause her child to starve.
FWIW my own mother was completely miserable after a couple weeks of trying to BF me. I was formula fed after that and it certainly didn't ruin my life. I get sick less than most people I've ever met and was always very healthy when I was young too. I'm not saying that she shouldn't try it for a little longer, but there is no shame in not doing it.
I agree that if you don't want to do it, don't do it. You need to be happy as well.
I BF for 4 months and then started to wean. DD was on formula exclusively at the 5 month mark. I do not feel guilty. In fact, I began to feel like myself again after I stopped. I also dropped the last few lbs I had gained and got right back into shape.
If we have another kid, I will do the same thing. Good luck, but do not let anyone bully you into it if it's not what you want.
This.
I'm going to be a little hard on you.
If you feel guilty, it's because switching doesn't feel right. If it doesn't feel like the right thing to do, don't switch.
It's only been two days. Is your milk even in yet? You're a ball of emotion and hormones right now and I know it's hard, but even in just a week, you'll see things differently. You'll probably have a hard time, but it probably won't be anything more than the typical hard time adjusting that all BFing moms go through.
In the beginning, it is hard, and it can be painful. Everything worth doing takes commitment and takes practice. There is a difference between having typical, normal problems and having real problems that make breastfeeding impossible or more difficult than it's worth. Going through the typical, normal problems that go away with time and practice is no reason to quit, and those problems do not make breastfeeding more difficult than it's worth.
That being said...
Who said it has to be all or nothing? BF does not have to equal EBF. All is better than some, but some is still better than none. If you can only bring yourself to nurse a couple times a day, nurse a couple times a day and FF the rest of the time. You will both benefit.
Oh yes, and clearly her child will die of starvation if she doesn't BF.
BFing is very hard, especially the first week. Most people give up within the first 2 weeks. It does get much easier, especially once your milk comes in. I will also add to any FTM, please see your LC after your milk comes in. It did wonders for me with DD#1 and helped me to no longer have pain or cracked nipples. The LC will make sure your baby is latching correctly and show you different positions to help make BFing more comfortable.
With both of my babies, I BF, but did give formula too the first week. Doing both helped me feel better and gave me a break. With DD #1, I had a very traumatic birth experience and did not get my milk until 5 days after she was born. She got formula and then once my milk came in, I switched to only BM.
Good luck, just keep telling yourself you can do it! I also agree with setting small goals and celebrating when you make it that far.
With that said, I think it would be a good idea, like the others suggested, to set a short-term goal for yourself . Even if it's one week, or ten days...to see how you feel. It would be awful to quit and then possibly regret it. A few more days of seeing how it's going may make you feel better about whatever decision you choose.
I'll also say that, in the long run, breastfeeding really is more convenient. I say that as someone who HAD to give formula...it's a pain in the neck :P
Clomid Cycle #1: 50mg = BFP
=Beautiful baby girl born May 23, 2009
TTC#2: BFP Cycle #1, no fertility meds!