Sticky Situation (I think)... Need Ideas — The Bump
Baby Showers

Sticky Situation (I think)... Need Ideas

My mom threw me a baby shower this weekend. It consisted of my side of the family, friends, and my parents' friends. Also we invited MIL and SIL. We did not include DH's side of the family (minus MIL and SIL) because MIL said she was throwing her own shower for family and her friends after my mom offered to get together with her to throw one big one.

So MIL comes to the shower and tells my mom she isn't throwing a shower at all (she had scheduled it for Feb 11) and might do a "meet the baby" party around Father's Day instead in honor of my DH's first Father's Day. Then she tells me at the end of the shower that she is going to throw one but only for her friends and family as originally scheduled for Feb 11 (not my FIL's family) and throw a "meet the baby" party for FIL's family. MIL and FIL are still married, she just doesn't like his family. Happens to be that FIL's family is the who DH and I are closest with and love dearly.

So A. I'm confused with the back and forth and am not sure what to believe. B. My mom is really upset because she loves FIL's family and would have invited them had she known. C. I'm upset because it sounds like FIL's family isn't going to get to participate. This is the first grandchild/great grandchild for them.

What, if anything, can I do? DH could get involved (and has been a little bit) but she is just going to say that there isn't enough room like she told me. My friend said to call FIL's mom (DH's grandma) and see if she would like to put anything together... but that just seems tacky. Could we throw our own meet the baby party afterwards for them? We obviously can't throw our own shower. I'm just at a loss.

I hope this wasn't too confusing. 

Re: Sticky Situation (I think)... Need Ideas

  • Well, here's the thing.  It's NO ONE'S responsibility to host a shower that includes "everyone".  Your MIL wants to throw a small shower w/ just her side of the family?  She's allowed to do that.  Despite the reasons why - it doesn't fall to her to host FIL's family if she doesn't want to.

    Someone on FIL's side could, if they really wanted to, host a shower themselves. 

    So... it's really not like they are being "kept" from participating. 

    That being said, if they aren't invited to your MIL's shower and if no one decides to host their own, then yes, if you want, you can have a "meet the baby" party after the fact. 

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  • I think it is crappy that your MIL wouldn't want to invite FIL's family.  She should have mentioned that to you before the day of your shower so you could have included them yourself.

    I would put your foot down and tell MIL that a seperate shower and meet the baby party is just too much for you guys; especially when you will have to include FIL's family in some seperate occasion yoruself.  Tell her that you would be happy/thankful if she wanted to throw a shower for you but that you and DH will be taking care of the meet the baby party (that way you can invite anyone you want).

    Honestly I hink it is a bit silly that your MIL would want to throw a party for your DH's 1st father day.  Sounds like she needs to cut the cord.

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  • your MIL sounds very immature .. let her throw a baby shower and invite whoever she wants .. however, I would not let her have a meet the baby party .. that is something for the parents to do, if they wish .. and then you won't have to worry about MIL having an exclusive guest list of ppl that get to "meet baby" ..
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  • I agree.  Your MIL sounds like a real peach...

    I would tell her she can throw one shower and she can invite whoever she wants but that is all.  Multiple events sound confusing and chances are she probably won't actually throw the second party considering she doesn't like his family.   

    If you and your DH want to do the meet the baby shower for them I would go for it.  If not, I would just let it go.  She will be the one to look immature and not you.  If they still want to bring you gifts and still want to be involved in the baby's life in the long run, they will be. They most likely don't need her to host a shower for them anyway.

    If your MIL throws any more tantrums I would just say thanks but no thanks.  I declined a shower from my MIL b/c it was going to be too dramatic.  It just isn't worth it. 

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  • So... your MIL wants to throw a shower for her side of the family, but not her husband's? And how do you think that would go over in the future if you decided to do the same thing? (Not well, I am sure). I find it very odd.

    I would actually decline both offers from her and host your own "meet the baby" party for the entire family (all sides) later. You are the one with the right to throw the first Father's Day party, not her.

    Your MIL should be ASKING you about showers and parties, not TELLING you. 

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  • Thanks everyone. I also don't think the meet the baby party would even happen and would be better if we did it, if it happened at all. I wish mil wasn't like this. It is so frustrating. 
  • I agree with ECB
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