3 months and terrified to try again.

may2806 · January 2012

This weekend was 3 months since our loss. We had had a lot of fertility issues, which we thought were the result of my crappy eggs (thought to be responsible for my first 2 early losses), but now I've had 2 losses with donor eggs (an ectopic and Samantha). The doctors checked me out and said there's no reason I shouldn't try again - they can't find anything really wrong with my uterus. Of course they also don't know why I developed a huge SCH with Samantha, which caused a lot of bleeding and led to PTL (she was perfect). It scares me that it could happen again.

So I'm getting ready to cycle again in a couple of months. But I am scared out of my mind. Then I think that I must be crazy for trying this again - why am I setting myself and DH up for more heartbreak? I really want to carry a baby and this will be our last chance. So I do want to do it - but I'm also petrified. I'm having a lot of anxiety and it's still months away.

Am I crazy/selfish/delusional to be trying this again? How do I handle the fear?

mdluv21 · January 2012

I wish I had some advice sweetie but I don't. Have to deal with IF and loss makes things so hard. I remember the doctor was so upset when we were leaving the hospital becaue he said, usually I tell parents, I am so sorry but try again in a couple of months and we will see you back here very soon but I know it not that easy for you guys. He said, I hope you find the strength and courage to try IVF again and I promise we will do everything we can if you are lucky enough to get pregnant again to get you a baby that you will get to take home.

It has taken me 11 months to be even ready to try and again and honestly every moment I am scared. Scared I will never get pregnant again and terrified if I do it will just be taken away again. The only way I handle is leaning on friends and family as much a can and just take it one day at a time. I can no longer let myself look into the future.

It is just so sad that the joy of getting pregnant and being pregnant have been ripped away from us because of IF and loss. I just pray in the end we will have babies at home and that might lessen some of the pain.

magdalina.h · January 2012

If you aren't ready yet, wait. The TTCAL mantra is "you know you are ready when the desire to have a baby outweighs the fear of another loss." We were ready at 4 months, and after we got the okay, we started trying. I was terrified I would have another late loss, but I wanted to be a mom to a living baby. When the test came up "pregnant" my first thought was "are we seriously risking this again?" As we all know, we don't have a free pass now that we've had a late loss and it could happen again, but you have to remember that a loss isn't contagious.

Jackie2200 · January 2012

Hang in there sweetie. Trying again is terrible and the only thing that makes it easier is taking it one day at a time. I had IF then a loss (due to most likely a SCH) and then two more failed IVF attempts before finally getting pg again. I am 23 weeks 3 days with a singleton and so far, all looks good. No bleeding, no SCH's. Nothing out of the ordinary.

I am very scared, so scared that I haven't even told my family (only my parents) the news yet, but time has helped a little. Getting close to that 24 week mark is helping too.

The subsequet IVFs sucked, and your nerves are so shot but in the end, if you want a baby to take home, IVF is the answer (at least for us IFs!).

Once you get pg., it's hard but you can do it. Just one day at a time. Do not look to the future...just tkae it one day. I don't even know my due date yet since I can't look that far into the future. Do what you need to do to feel comfortable.

We're here to support you through it. Good luck!! I'll be thinking of you.

butterfly843 · January 2012

Sending hugs your way.

pb127 · January 2012

magdalina.h:
If you aren't ready yet, wait. The TTCAL mantra is "you know you are ready when the desire to have a baby outweighs the fear of another loss."

I'll echo this. We ended up having a miscarriage with our pregnancy following our late loss (never had one before), and while you're never 100% prepared for any of this, you have to be ready enough that it won't break you beyond all points of return.

weddedwife · January 2012

I am looking for this answer too. I'm terrified! We are talking about trying next month and honestly I change my mind every hour. I'm scared I won't get pregnant again, then scared that I will & won't be able to handle the anxiety.

I think it will be impossible to not be scared, no matter how long I wait. I think the bottom line is that I still want a baby. I doubt that will make it any easier once (if) I do get pregnant though. I am trying to focus on the plan we have in place for the next pregnancy. I noticed you lost Samantha due to PTL- I lost Nathaniel due to PTL too. It may help to have a solid plan in place with your Dr. I'm going to have a cerclage & P17 shots. I know that's no guarantee but at least it's something concrete that's being done to prevent the same type of loss.

3 months and terrified to try again.

Re: 3 months and terrified to try again.

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