Bed sharing, is your pediatrician happy about it?

micaela421 · January 2012

I have been bed sharing with DD for the past 2 weeks and both of us are happy. we went to her 2 month appt yesterday and her pediatrician is not happy she sleeps with me in bed. I follow all the rules to make it safe for her.no meds/alcohol, one sleep, I place in my arms and DH doesn't even sleep with us. So should i follow her? Or don't tell her at all.

emolm · January 2012

IMO it's none of her business.

tokenhoser · January 2012

We didn't talk about it. IMO, it's a parenting decision not a medical decision. I don't think my doctor gets to make parenting decisions.

bowdisha · January 2012

Before I even said anything, my pedi said he was fine with bed sharing as long as we were doing it safely.

Uiowachick01 · January 2012

When they ask I avoid the question. DS starts out in his bed and ends up in ours. I love it and it works for us. I say if it is working for you and your family go with it:)

Harper'smom · January 2012

tokenhoser:
We didn't talk about it. IMO, it's a parenting decision not a medical decision. I don't think my doctor gets to make parenting decisions.

This. We also didn't discuss extended breast feeding after our 15th month appt when I was told "well you don't want it to go on too long"'. She is a fantastic medical doctor but what I do with my breasts or in my bed are not her business.

pixieprincss · January 2012

In all honesty, we don't discuss parenting choices with our doctor. I mean, if he says something about sleep, solids method, extended BF, etc. I listen, but I treat it like the opinion of an educated fellow parent, not something I have to kowtow to or universal medical truth. Also, we see my family practice doctor whose style I already knew I liked rather than a ped. If you want to engage your doctor, perhaps referring her to the work of Jack McKenna at Notre Dame might help?

sadielove · January 2012

Don't ask, don't tell.

danienross · January 2012

There are a few things I simply avoid discussing with our pedi. Bed sharing is one of them. I also try to avoid STTN and BFing discussions. The pedi has made it clear that she thinks DD should be STTN and that I should wean which i don't agree so I just keep my answers short and sweet and move on.

pitterpatter129 · January 2012

(I lurk here) I'll admit that I lie. My kid sleeps in a crib according to his pedi's charts. (He actually does now most of the time, but didn't for the first 10 months.) After he gave me all sorts of advice on CIO and told me that my 6 month old was "manipulating" me into rocking him or nursing him, my kid also started STTN on his charts. LOL It's none of their business unless you feel it is related to some sort of medical problem. For the record, I love our pedi! He's a great doctor and is very supportive of bfing, but gives awful advice on sleep issues. We just go with it, nod, and do our own thing.

Lisa102304 · January 2012

I don't discuss it. We do what works for my family. Baby is happy, I am happy, DH is happy... Doctor input not needed.

danseusefrancaise · January 2012

Our pediatrician seems fine with it. We only discussed it once at one of the earlier appointments. Strangely though, we had one appt with the NP at her office and she wrote down "co-sleeping" in the "possible issues" box. o.O

I answer honestly whenever asked, but I don't really say more than that. When someone gives us advice on stopping, I just nod instead of getting into it and making the situation uncomfortable. Sleeping arrangements are none of their business.

StefandTodd · January 2012

We also don't ask, don't tell when it comes to this and our pedi.

I read this recently and it totally resinated with me

https://www.conscienceparenting.com/2011/12/07/why-i-dont-tell-my-kids-doctor-the-whole-truth/

TiffanyBerry · January 2012

She's been fine with our bed-sharing, not-STTN, BLW'ing, extended BFing ways. But I also don't leave room for discussion. A very matter of fact tone of "this is what we do and we're happy with it, it is not up for discussion". (She actually seems to approve of much of it, so I'm not worried with her, but I've had my dentist question the bed sharing when I mentioned it. I don't mind mentioning it, but I'm not open to discussing changing it until I want to. :P)

As others have said, these are all parenting decisions, when done safely. And pediatricians do not have any special training in parenting.

CountryMile · January 2012

I know it is a question most pediatricians ask. I would be honest; but if they have something negative to say about it I would ignore it. As long as your are being safe and you are happy with the arrangement that is all that matters. We are lucky to have a pediatrician who is on board with bedsharing, extended breastfeeding ect.

DS still bedshares with us and breastfeeds and we love it.

KittyKatMom · January 2012

I started bedsharing with DS when he was 3 weeks old and have flat out lied to the pedi about this from day one.

"Does he sleep in his own room?" Yes

"In a crib?" Yes.

DS is almost 2, thriving, and now sleeps in his own full-size bed.

Jena503 · January 2012

I don't think my pedi is very "crunchy" or pro-AP, or whatever you want to call it. But I can not even imagine her asking these types of questions, like specifically asking if baby is sleeping in a crib!?!? That's just weird to me. I think she asked once or twice, "sleeping going ok?" and I said yeah and that was it. How does this even come up?

pitterpatter129 · January 2012

Jena503:
I don't think my pedi is very "crunchy" or pro-AP, or whatever you want to call it. But I can not even imagine her asking these types of questions, like specifically asking if baby is sleeping in a crib!?!? That's just weird to me. I think she asked once or twice, "sleeping going ok?" and I said yeah and that was it. How does this even come up?

It's on their list of questions every time we go!

FrauElyse · January 2012

We got very lucky that our pedi is pretty AP. She actually suggested we bedshare because DS was sleeping so horribly in his bassinet and crib in the beginning. The nurse who usually helps us bedshared with her babies too. Our pedi is now the only person who doesn't ask when we're going to stop "spoiling" DS and make him sleep in his crib.

pepomntpat · January 2012

My pedi never asked me. Pediatricians need to keep their mouths shut about parenting issues. They are there to care for your LO when sick and make sure s/he is growing and healthy. That is it!

Blue Pansy · January 2012

KittyKatMom:
I started bedsharing with DS when he was 3 weeks old and have flat out lied to the pedi about this from day one.

"Does he sleep in his own room?" Yes

"In a crib?" Yes.

DS is almost 2, thriving, and now sleeps in his own full-size bed.

Wow, does your pedi really recommend babies sleep in their own room? I thought that was one of the SIDS risk factors (before 6 months of age) and that the recommendation was usually to have them sleep in the room with you, just not in the same bed.

QuiltingBee · January 2012

No, but I tend to offer little information on that front. He's a great pedi but he thinks that Baby should have been STTN (as in 12 hours straight) since 2 months.

That said, I work in medicine and I feel horrible if I find out a patient was afraid to tell me something. I work very hard to be understanding. If I feel a patient is putting their health/safety at risk then we have a conversation but I try not to be judgementatl. So in some ways I do feel bad that I keep things from the pedi.

webMistress0609 · January 2012

Our pedi isn't crunchy but is totally non-judgmental & very pro-extended BFing. I mentioned that we bedshared when some sleep apnea concerns came up & was prepared for backlash (our 1st pedi was judgmental about a lot of things), but his only comment was that they tried to bedshare with their first 2 & he was just too light of a sleeper to deal with it, and whatever worked for us was fine.

karinothing · January 2012

We see a group of pediatricians. So far only one of them has said anything negative about it (but she also wanted us to eliminate night feeding at like 6 weeks, crazy cakes). Anyway, the others just said we need to do what we need to do and reminded us of safe bed sharing practices.

haziedaze · January 2012

(Lurker but have to throw in my 2c). So the AAP just strengthened their stance against bed sharing, but taking an informal poll of my colleagues (I'm a pediatrician) MOST of them have bed shared at least part time. I do ask about where baby sleeps, but just so I can provide counseling about how to be as safe as possible no matter where they are. If they are in a crib, we discuss crib safety. If they are bed sharing, we talk about that.

One thing to realize is that most families aren't as well informed or well read as momma's on the bump, so I do think it's my responsibility to ask. You'd be shocked how many newborns "share" pillows or down comforters with their parents when they co-sleep- people just don't know. I think this is one of the problems with the AAPs stance, instead of saying no bedsharing ever, there should be an education effort since so many families find it works.

QuiltingBee · January 2012

haziedaze:

(Lurker but have to throw in my 2c). So the AAP just strengthened their stance against bed sharing, but taking an informal poll of my colleagues (I'm a pediatrician) MOST of them have bed shared at least part time. I do ask about where baby sleeps, but just so I can provide counseling about how to be as safe as possible no matter where they are. If they are in a crib, we discuss crib safety. If they are bed sharing, we talk about that.

One thing to realize is that most families aren't as well informed or well read as momma's on the bump, so I do think it's my responsibility to ask. You'd be shocked how many newborns "share" pillows or down comforters with their parents when they co-sleep- people just don't know. I think this is one of the problems with the AAPs stance, instead of saying no bedsharing ever, there should be an education effort since so many families find it works.

I agree. I'm not a pedi...I'm a PA in family practice. But I also ask about where baby sleep so that I can counsel about crib or bed safety. Since having my own, though, I now try to make sure that my patients feel comfortable answering me honestly!

I'm also pro-vaccination. But, I don't judge parents who make a different choice. I'm willing to discuss alternative schedules, and my practice doesn't discharge patients who refuse vaccination. We still encourage it, but we aren't going to say that the child can't be our patient.

Brie2006 · January 2012

As I was browsing the Huffington Post, I came across this article written by a pediatrician who bed shared:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccarthy-md/co-sleeping-with-kids_b_1238970.html?ref=parents

SuzuBell · January 2012

We don't discuss it with him. I know he wouldn't approve, but we followed all of the rules of safe bedsharing.

However, now he sleeps in his own room in his own crib about 80% of the time, and always starts out there.

Krista123105 · January 2012

Our pedi said as long as we're following safety guidelines he's fine with it, but honestly, it's not a medical decision. It's what works for our family, so regardless we would have kept bedsharing.

KittyKatMom · January 2012

Blue Pansy:
KittyKatMom:

I started bedsharing with DS when he was 3 weeks old and have flat out lied to the pedi about this from day one.

"Does he sleep in his own room?" Yes

"In a crib?" Yes.

DS is almost 2, thriving, and now sleeps in his own full-size bed.

Wow, does your pedi really recommend babies sleep in their own room? I thought that was one of the SIDS risk factors (before 6 months of age) and that the recommendation was usually to have them sleep in the room with you, just not in the same bed.

No, I think up until 4 months I told them he slept in a co-sleeper (which wasn't a complete lie - he would start out in there) and they were fine with that.

kcisthebombdotcom · January 2012

I lie.

When my son was a few weeks old, she asked how he was sleeping. I mentioned he didn't like sleeping flat on his back in his bassinet so I let him sleep in the swing. She told me that he was getting spoiled and I needed to let him cry to learn to sleep in his bassinet since he was manipulating me. 2 weeks later, he was diagnosed with reflux and I never listened to my pedis parenting advice again.

I trust her medical opinion but we are on opposite ends of the universe with the parenting stuff.

boogerbearoriginal · January 2012

Our Dr has never asked specifically where LO sleeps. The first few appts he asked how everyone was sleeping and we replied "oh good blahblahblah". It didn't occur to me to mention he was in the co-sleeper. At the 4mo appointment he didn't even ask about sleep specifically just a general how are things. By then we were fully bedsharing but it didn't come up. He seems pretty laid back in terms of letting us do our thing as long as LO is healthy.

I agree with PP that this is a parenting issue, not a medical one.

LouiseB2001 · January 2012

My pedi never asked specifically where DD slept although she slept mostly on my chest, second most next to me in bed and occasionally in her bassinet when she was tiny. He did however tell me how I needed to let her cry to get her to STTN both at her 3, 6 and I think to remember also 9 months appointment. I didn't complain but he asked if she was STTN and I didn't lie. He said that it would be *much* harder later and really urged me to CIO now. I am so happy that I frequented this board, read all the books (inclusive Ferber and Weissbluth) and really didn't listen very much to his advice. DD sleeps wonderfully now and letting her fuss even at 18 months was not much of a problem. I think a lot of the advice pedi's give is quite black and white, because they don't know the full picture or how informed the parents are. Similar to what PP says, the average parents aren't necessarily as informed about safe bed sharing as the average bump-parent :-)

Birdies08 · January 2012

pitterpatter129:
Jena503:
I don't think my pedi is very "crunchy" or pro-AP, or whatever you want to call it. But I can not even imagine her asking these types of questions, like specifically asking if baby is sleeping in a crib!?!? That's just weird to me. I think she asked once or twice, "sleeping going ok?" and I said yeah and that was it. How does this even come up?

It's on their list of questions every time we go!

Us too. I say, "We cosleep," even though I know they put that in the chart as using a cosleeper and we bed share. I figure I'm not lying, and they never ask any more questions about it. They just have to check an option, but I'm worried if I say she's in our bed, I'll get a lecture.

If they did push, I'm not sure whether or not I would outright lie. Hm.

OregonPachey · January 2012

I bedshared with our first and now this one. The pedi doesn't know because she would not approve. This is one of those pieces of information that isn't relevant to my son's health.

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